


I am Paper

by Budinca



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Humanstuck, M/M, warning for many references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 00:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 65,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Budinca/pseuds/Budinca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he'll be old and dry, John Egbert will be able to publish a book called "How to Be a Master Stalker When You Don't Even Know How the Person You're Stalking Looks Like and Other Stories". If he'll be unfortunate enough to live that much too, Karkat Vantas will publish a sequel, named "How to Regret What You've Said When You Were 16 in 5 Easy Steps".</p><p>Long story short, John moves to college and wanders the streets of the new city in the hopes of life using cinematic effects when he'll be in the proximity of his best friend. Needless to say, he'll encounter some problems with that theory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which John moves to a new town and flashbacks ensue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi.  
> So I've been working on this for, eh, two weeks now? and I am still terrified of putting it online, but what the hell, it's Christmas. Readers don't kill puny writers at Christmas...right?  
> Uh.  
> Either way.  
> Hope you'll enjoy this...thing.  
> (and I don't get my title either, don't worry)

John was a young man who did not know too many things about life that particular morning. Well, aside from the fact that his sneakers were a little too thin for the weather outside and that his luggage couldn’t have been this heavy the day before. However, as he dragged out of the train station, he was totally certain of one thing. Never, never take the closest 20 taxi cabs. They’re evil and expensive. Evil.

So, that same morning, John walked a mile through the suburbs of a town he had not visited in years, until he finally found another cab. Thank the Gods there had been 21 of them. His dad hadn’t thought that advice through. Actually, John almost dialled said parent’s number to complain about the same fact, only to catch himself short and shove the phone deep in his coat’s pocket. No phone calls while the sun was up.

The cab driver was an old woman (huh, John had never seen a female cab driver before) and her car probably smelt of old age, but in John’s mind, it smelt like combusted cats. But that was just a passing thought. As they got, in silence, to the actual city and the skyscrapers became more than just funny lines on the cloudy sky and parks started stretching on one side of the road or the other, another one came to mind. It was quite nagging, to tell the truth. So John leant forward from his place in the backseat, putting his chin absent-mindedly on the seat in front of him, and looked at the old woman’s white hair. It resembled a wire sponge almost perfectly.

“Hey, um,” he paused to clear his throat. He hadn’t said a word in over 11 hours and maybe he ought to have drunk a little more water during that train ride. Well, a lot more water. For a thing without which his body would die, it sure didn’t take its job seriously.

“Hm?” the old lady hm-ed.

John swallowed dryly. “Yeah. So, um...I once came here when I was little and...”

“Hm?” Maybe that meant ‘go on’ in old lady-an.

“Do you know what happens to the ducks? In that park, over there. I saw some ducks last time. Do you know where they go when winter comes?”

“What?” She pulled the car over and at first John though he had shocked her into cardiac arrest, but then she continued. “Here you go, kid. Prospit Avenue. Now go and take some sleep.” She took the money from his unmoving hand and he felt himself slip out of her car.

As the taxi drove away, John blinked artfully after it. Then, like the smart limb it was, his hand went up to pet his hair. Even without seeing it he knew it must have been in such a state that he shouldn’t have been surprised to be taken for a junkie. He let out an equally artful sigh. Luggage in his hand, he crossed the street.

He was pretty sure that driver did not mean him when he said all those words. He was also certain that those other people didn’t mean to bump so hard into him. John went on. The avenue was wide and long and fairly full of barren trees, he observed. He only knew that the college was somewhere around there. It had the same name, for God’s sake.

There it was. Tall and wide and golden-y even in the grey light of the upcoming rain, with a clock tower and all that jazz that made it look impressive to the poor, innocent hearts of young men and women like John. He blinked respectfully at it, then turned around and started counting side streets.

The apartment’s door was green and unlocked. John had received the key in the mail that week, but it was still nice to think his roommate had kept it open for him. Nicer still, giving the fact that they had barely talked two or three times over Pesterchum before.

John pushed the door gently and carried his luggage inside. Then he was in a suffocatingly small space, cornered by three doors. One yellow-y, one blue and one black. He briefly wondered what the deal was with the painted doors, but then he observed the “-- that one” post-it on the wall, beside the blue one, so he took the remaining step towards it.

The bed stared at him with the most bored expression a bed had ever mustered. John blinked at it in recognition before crushing it under his and his luggage’s weight. It creaked back irritably. His mind refusing vehemently to have a culture shock from the fact that this room was 1/3 of the bedroom back home, John untied his sneakers and put them neatly at the foot of his friendly bed.

Then, another door, outside, hit a wall. John acknowledged the sound by raising his head. Then his door opened too, slowly, so that he had to lean forward in order to look into the corridor. “Uh, hee...ey?” He had barely caught a glimpse a humanoid figure in loose clothes of indiscernible colours when the doorway was empty again.

But then again, John had been a ninja in a past-life, so in less than a (very, very, Discworldly slow) flash, he was peering inside the mustard-doored room.

His roommate, the proud owner of a fantastically shambolic head of brown hair, was doing a tremendously elaborate job of getting back in his computer seat. Well, as long as that eldritch, wiry thing could be called a computer and that other thing was still a chair.

“Sup.” The guy said, flopping down on the thing. It was only to be expected for a part of the nation’s future to be this eloquent, of course. The thing creaked like an elderly Boogie Man. 

Ever the bright and cheery kid, John beamed, but dared make no further step into the room due to the greenhouse of wires that covered the carpet. “Sollux, right? Thanks for setting my bed there. I never got the hang of it myself.” The ‘bed’ was a being that didn’t fold as much as broke its every metal bone in a masochistic outburst until it could be sent away in a car.

The other shrugged quite impressively, kicking half a dozen wires from under his feet. “Had to get it out of the way.” And, as a really forced afterthought, “You got here alright?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so. I guess I should start remembering my way around in a few days, but from what I saw, the city hasn’t changed much.” Although it was becoming quite uncomfortable, John did not avert his eyes from the other’s face. He had the strangest feeling that one electrical outlet in the wall was staring at him. It seemed pretty shocked too.

“I guess you can’t say it did.” 

Sollux watched him (when he wasn’t too busy checking to see if his socks were still on or if he’d plugged everything correctly in the evil computer, that is) with mismatched eyes that looked pretty legit and was visibly trying not to make things awkward and failing. John was failing too, though, so it was less of a tragedy that way.

When it became pretty obvious that nothing was going to save them from this first face-to-face conversation’s ridiculous mood, his roommate took it upon himself to end it. By gallantly choking over his own words while turning his face towards the computer. “Yeah, I...have to finish setting up here...”

“Me too! Uh, thanks again. We’ll catch up when we’re both done, I guess, um...”

“See you.”

“Yes, see you later.”

Never had John thought he’d be this happy to lock himself with a grumpy bed, an empty desk and an anorexic bookshelf/wardrobe in his life. Oh, God, what was he going to do? They’d be sharing the apartment all throughout college perhaps and there was no way they were ever going to open up and act like normal college roomfriends. Oh, no, his future years were doomed to be antisocial and awkward and full of mean-looking furniture! Oh no, oh gosh.  
As soon as his 3.4-minute delirium ended, John took a deep breath, an idea of a gulp of water and went on with his life as if nothing had happened. After all, nothing had except for his hair being in a worse state than before and it didn’t really count, judging by its usual look. Right. John Egbert was a dashing young man that did not, ever, freak out over small things like a 2-minute long conversation with someone he’s never met before in person.  
Nevertheless, he had work to do before things started happening.

 

During the first few days, John found out that having only one best friend kind of sucks when the latest, biggest change in your life is the one that you should keep a secret from him with your life. So he started calling Jade. First, once every other night, then as often as he could, up to the point that she started laughing at him for being friend-dumped. Like that was what was happening here. No. John was just a young man who valued his life and knew only too well that, were his friend to know they’d been living practically in the same city for a week, he’d sure be a dead man within the hour.

Bluh. Why couldn’t he, like any other best friend in history, be happy that they could finally see each other face to face. After being chums for years, no less. John recalled the moment when he’s been told that the only reason they were still talking, when everybody else lost the hang of him, was because there was absolutely no chance they would ever meet each other.

Okay, that was something taken out of the other’s angry rant after a particularly nasty episode that ended up in John being his only chum (which later proved not to be that big of a deal when most of their online friends had been accepted in the list again), and it also had taken place years before, but it still stung. After all, up until that moment, John had always had in mind eventual meetings full of merrymaking and shitty-movies-watching and he had never expected such a harsh rejection. It was hard, being a child. 

...So it’s been like this. Winter of junior year of high school, a couple days until the holidays, John was marching like a pioneer through the freezing, pouring rain (since that was to be the closest thing to snow they were going to have over there). That, if said pioneer was having a nasty case of arthritis, a few broken ribs and lead in his boots. Nevermind that, John marched with as much dignity as he managed all the way home (oh, yes, it was one of those times with empty roads and all the frufru).

Now, not many teenagers had had the honour to meet John’s dad, but those who had, felt a sudden, giant gap of awesome in their lives after they’d gone back home. That was one of the reasons John had forbidden his dad from ever hosting a BBQ party ever again. He couldn’t quite blame his father for trying to help him make at least one or two real friends, but he was 16, for God’s sake. Well, not like now he had more friends than he had then, but—okay, irrelevant.

Be that as it may. Once arrived home, fretted over, dressed in warm clothes and handed as much food as he could eat, John was finally back in his natural habitat. Back then, he was quite sure his room ought to become a greenhouse of sorts when he would move away. Of course, back then he also believed he would be recognised as a trickster prodigy before graduating and that he’d live in a mansion by the time he’d be twenty. (Well, he still wasn’t 20 yet, but he could see that possibility getting very thin in the near future.)

So, warm and well-fed, he retreated to his hive, got in the weirdest position he could muster on his computer chair and wakened his computer. From there on, it went pretty okay. He checked on most of his online friends (hey, he, too, needed to socialize, after all) and went on his daily activities of doing homework and playing Amnesia at the same time. Do not ask how he did it. It was a family secret (don’t ask about that either).

But then, close to 9 o’clock, just when he thought he was finally starting to understand his own handwriting in the English notebook, Pesterchum started jingling again with a newfound force.

GA: Do You Know Whats Going On  
GC: 1 TH3R3BY H4ND 1N MY R3S1GN4T1ON W1TH D1GN1TY, JOHN. H3’S 4LL YOURS.  
GG: did he explode on you too?

That was way too much green for a common day. Taking a last dumbfounded look at his notebook, John prepared all his mental faculties for the talks he knew were coming at him for therapy. Who in the real world would have thought John to be a peacemaker for his chums? He adjusted his glasses and took two deep breaths.

EB: huh?

Sometimes, it was really hard to outsmart John Egbert. This maybe was not the right time to mention that. This smart reply on his part produced two separate walls of green and a couple of non-explanatory lines from Terezi before she chose, quite neatly, to abscond. 

The situation, however, was quite clear and for that reason John thought it was ridiculous. However, since everybody except him appeared to have been blocked and therefore unable to talk to their less friendly (but just as good) friend, he guessed he ought not to wait around too long. A few more deep breaths. At least those incidents were good for his lungs’ health.

EB: um...  
EB: so, karkat! man, you’d better prepare your death bed cause you’re gonna die of jealousy as soon as i’m done with you.  
EB: so you remember the game i sent you last summer?  
EB: i know you’ve explained a thousand times how lame it was but i know deep within your ice heart you loved it.  
EB: okay, so about that game.  
CG: FUCK OFF, JOHN.  
CG: WAIT. WHY DID I EVEN FUCKING BOTHER TO SPELL THAT OUT FOR YOU.  
CG: I MEAN SINCE EVEN AFTER YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD ALL ABOUT WHAT’S BEEN GOING ON YOU STILL DECIDED TO BOTHER ME. IS THERE SOME MALFUNCTIONING GLAND IN YOUR BODY THAT USHERS YOU TO FIND PEOPLE TO TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT OR SOMETHING. CAN YOU NOT GIVE YOURSELF A CREDIBLE ENOUGH HATE TALK SO YOU COME TO ME AT MY SHITTIEST HOUR TO GET ONE.  
CG: WELL, TOO BAD FOR YOU, THE VANTAS CLINIC IS CLOSED FOR TONIGHT AND FOR EVER IF YOU DON’T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE THIS MOMENT.  
CG: GO AND CRY YOUR ASS OUT AT HARLEY. FROM WHAT I HEARD LAST TIME SHE HAD ENOUGH HELL TO GIVE ME IF SHE STILL COULD. AND I AM A GOOD ENOUGH FRIEND TO SHARE. TELL HER I SAID THAT. YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME.  
CG: NOW FUCK OFF.

Mandatory swallow and round eyed-ness for a couple of seconds. Non-compulsory scratch of one’s head. Well-deserved long sigh.

EB: so you really don’t want to talk about it...?  
CG: WHAT. ARE YOU SERIOUS.  
CG: WHAT PART OF WHAT I’VE JUST SAID LET YOU TO BELIEVE I HAD SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT DISCUSSING YOUR STUPID GAME.  
CG: GOOD GOD, JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T GET EVEN MORE STUPID YOU MANAGE TO BLOW MY EXPECTATIONS. I WOULD ACT LIKE A PROUD PARENT BEFORE PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE IF I DIDN’T HAVE WORSE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.  
EB: dude, no! i meant the thing with terezi.  
EB: what kind of dumb shit you take me for?  
CG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS COMMON KNOWLEDGE BY NOW.  
EB: shut up, we both know that’s just how you talk to people.  
EB: going back now. are you okay, dude?  
EB: i mean. jade wasn’t that upset, actually, but she didn’t know what happened apart from, ugh, you and terezi meeting somewhere...???  
EB: kanaya was mostly concerned, so no data there. and terezi didn’t really talk to me.  
EB: ...  
EB: so...  
CG: YES, YES. FUCK, I AM HERE  
CG: DON’T FRET YOURSELF TOO MUCH, EGBERT, IT MIGHT CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL ACTUALLY START SEEING THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT REALLY IS AND NOT YOUR SHITTY FANTASY LAND.  
EB: says the dude crying over amanda seinfried.  
CG: SEYFRIED. AND SHUT UP. I TOO HAD TO LIVE THROUGH YOUR 13-YEAR OLD CRUSH, SO DON’T YOU FUCKING SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY MOVIES.  
EB: dude, we agreed never to talk about that again.  
CG: FINE. BUT JUST BECAUSE IT’S JUST AS PAINFUL FOR ME AS IT IS FOR YOUR SELF ESTEEM.

Getting Karkat to talk on the actual subject was always a bit of a hassle, but only because John could be just as easily swept aside from the important stuff. However, the problem had turned out to be Terezi’s unwelcome surprise visit that had ended in a door locked in her face and a hard slap over Karkat’s face. Not in that particular order.

And, as awful as that was, John couldn’t stop feeling a teeny bit jealous of her. Not for the door-in-face part, but because she had actually met (very briefly) his best friend in the flesh. As in, saw him as an anthropomorphical being. That breathed and talked and moved. John didn’t even know what colour his eyes were. Well, not that it really mattered or that he was interested, but still. (In his defence, up to this day, he had never asked her anything about his friend.)

CG: SO THAT’S IT.  
EB: but that doesn’t sound so bad! i mean you guys are really good chaps, i don’t see the problem.  
EB: it’s natural to want to see someone if you’re getting along that well, i think...  
CG: WE AREN’T FRIENDS AND WE AREN’T GETTING ALONG. SHE JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I SEEM TO URGE HER TO CONTINUE WITH MY INABILITY TO FLIP HER OFF.  
EB: you did use to have a crush on her, though.  
CG: WHAT.  
CG: NO, FUCK YOU.  
CG: THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER, EGBERT. TAKE YOUR SO-CALLED FRIENDSHIP TO WHOMEVER WANTS IT, CAUSE I JUST NOW LEFT IT IN THE RETURN BASKET.  
EB: heheee  
CG: AND NO. IT’S NOT FUCKING “NATURAL” TO WANT TO MEET SOMEBODY YOU’VE ONLY TALKED TO ONLINE. THE POINT OF THIS ENTIRE THING IS THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE YOUR SHIT-SPILLING MUG WITH THE ENTIRE WORLD. THAT’S ALL. SO DON’T SAY IT’S “NATURAL” TO ME.  
EB: so you’ve never wanted to meet one of us?  
CG: NO.  
EB: ever?  
CG: DID THEY FUCK UP YOUR PRESCRIPTION AGAIN.  
CG: NO AND BETTER END THIS CONVERSATION NOW BEFORE YOU GET TO SAY SOMETHING CHARACTERISTICALLY IDIOTIC THAT WILL MAKE ME BLOCK YOU TOO.  
EB: so you weren’t going to block me?  
CG: OBVIOUSLY SINCE I HAVEN’T DONE IT YET. BUT I’M ONLY REFRAINING MYSELF FROM IT BECAUSE I TRUST YOU NEVER TO TRY THAT KIND OF SHIT WITH ME. NO, SHUT UP. LIVE UP TO THAT STANDARD. GOOD NIGHT, JOHN.

And that was it, pretty much. John wasn’t happy with having to censor his Christmas (and summer and whatever other holidays they had) wishes from Karkat, but since he seemed so against it, he let it go. Subconsciously, he always hoped that his views would change in time. Maybe that was why, when he found out, years later, what college Karkat was applying to, he checked and overchecked his own list for the closest one to that. For now, he only knew they were in the same city and that Karkat was living with a friend, so there was no chance of easily finding him in a dorm. Bluh.

Anyway. At least calling Jade more often (he had less people to wail to, after all!) gave him and Sollux a reason to talk to each other. And thank the gods for loudspeaker. John could listen to as many computer and science talks as it was needed for the atmosphere to lift around the house. And it wasn’t like he was lacking embarrassing Jade-stories to tell during late-night dinner either, so, in the end, he could say that things had worked out. Like they always did. He never understood why he had ever doubted his dad’s wisdom. Said dad, of course, having given said wisdom just as soon as the Sun went down on his first day there.

Whoosh whoosh went the cold air as his door opened. “Here, printed the shit you’ve got for today.” 

Jade could be as impressed as she liked that Sollux nowadays actually got up from the computer without there being a natural emergency, but John knew in his heart that she was exaggerating. Sollux was a perfectly normal, good friend to share an apartment with. She was only thinking like that because she did not spend near half of the time John and Sollux did on the computer. The Force had not chosen her. There was nothing they could do.

“Wow, thanks. Now I might actually get a clue what the witch’s talking about.” Another thing John had the pleasure to find out in his first month of college was, frankly, what his major actually was.

So okay, he had not been all that interested in all that talk his dad had with his teachers, but he was fairly sure he had an idea of what he had chosen to take in the end. Plus Biology was pretty high on his list of interests and he appeared to understand Genomics pretty well for now, so he guessed that had worked out too until now.  
Now if he could only make that other thing work out too... Throwing the papers swiftly in his bag, John paused just enough in the doorway to get out his phone. He ignored the clock; he was gonna be late. Well, a first time for everything.

EB: so...are you doing something today?  
CG: I AM STILL FAILING TO SEE THE FUCKING POINT IN YOU ASKING ME THIS EVERYDAY.  
CG: BUT FINE.  
CG: I’M GOING TO BUY KANAYA HER PRESENT. SHIT, MAYBE NOW SHE’LL STOP THROWING ALL HER PRINTZ-AWARD WINNING INNUENDOS AT ME LIKE THEY’RE THE PEVENSIE CHILDREN DURING THE WAR AND I’M PROFESSOR DIGORY KIRKE.  
EB: dude...  
CG: WHAT.  
EB: uh.  
EB: anyway! i have to leave you now. classes start at 10 and i’m still in my room at the moment and all that  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING THERE.  
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF THEY’RE NOT GOING TO DRAG YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT SCHOOL ANYTIME SOON I WILL WRITE THEM A LETTER SAYING HOW YOUR BEING THERE STOPS ME FROM PRE-SIGNING MY UNBORN CHILDREN IN THEIR PROGRAM.  
CG: ROYAL ENGLISH PAPER AND ANTIQUE WAX STAMP. TEACHERS WILL CRY, JOHN.  
EB: well, i sure am happy to know that i leave you in a good mood  
EB: talk to you tonight, karkat!  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –-

He was so fast in his march that he almost tripped over the first row of Sollux’s wires while swinging by the door. “Sollux, how many book shops are in the city?” He added a blink for earnestness.

“Uh...” the other raised an eyebrow over his fancy 3D glasses (nope, John was never going to accept the lame medical explanation). “Hundreds? Why?” Of course. Why would John want to know something that involved walking to, after all.

His face fell. Then rose again. How unlucky did he have to be not to find it, after all? “No reason. I’m late. Don’t forget you’re buying pizza today.” He was out before the other could do the simple math over whose turn it actually was to buy food.


	2. In which John meets a Sci-Fi movie memorabilia and cleans the house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first visitor! And a little sprinkle of the sads. Then, curry.

So it was due to this that, a few hours too many later, John was abusing his GPS more than his PE teacher ever did his body and he kept on drifting from small shop to store to rundown properties to libraries to museum shops and so on. Still, he had only covered the area around the college.

How hard could it be to find a wanna-be angry, possibly tiny person in this city? Well, very hard, from what he’d gone through until then, but he still had hope. There ought to be something. Some spark, some sudden slow-motion in movements as they passed each other, some blue-red-grey thread connecting them or something. John was sure of it. Though it was true he had never seen Karkat in his life, he was ready to bet it on the fact that he would recognise him on spot. Or, well, he was pretty sure he would hear him if his bespectacled eyes failed him yet again.

And still, nothing. John hadn’t seen so many books since he’d last watched Beauty and the Beast, but there was no time to lose. He knew Karkat was an awfully practical shopper and that he didn’t like being in the presence of too many people for too long, so his way down (or up, or Diagon Alley) to the bookstore couldn’t have taken him that much.

But he’d been searching for that book for a thousand years! John was still feeling a little bit sheepish at knowing that he’d only sent Kanaya a shirt Jade had helped him buy. That had been dumb. When would he ever see Kanaya to know if the shirt had been a good choice or not? The last time he did was over a year ago! The disadvantages of internet friendships.

When darkness caught him on a wet street in the Eastern part of the city, though, John figured that it had been just another unlucky day. But no matter. You had to go through a lot of bad days in order to get to the good ones (The Nanna Gospels, 4:13). 

Upon getting home, the apartment was locked and empty and on his desk lay a three-quarters eaten pizza bearing a rather impressive ‘FUCK YOU’ note on the box. What did he say? A top chap, Sollux was. Bearing one half of a slice in his mouth, he turned on his laptop, the heating and the shower at once. Whichever started first was the winner. The pizza had nearly strangled him from the inside.

 

It was only one week later that John found out they’ve been living with R2-D2’s bulimic cousin the entire time. It didn’t matter how many times Sollux had tried to tell him it was only a vacuum cleaner, he would just not stop talking to him. Eventually, since they were in a hurry, John was given the job of cleaning the glasses (dishes? What dishes? Only recyclable plates in the JohnSol residence.).

The up-mentioned ‘hurry’ was, in fact, a legitimate term to use. It was an early afternoon on a weekday and none of them had bothered to clean up over the weekend, so there was more trash than house around them and, best of all, Sollux had a visitor coming the following day. As he aligned a dozen more of their books in a pile on the living room/second bedroom floor, John felt the need to stop and look, starry-eyed, up at his roommate.

“What?” Sollux was at the moment hiding R2-D2’s paradox clone back in the closet where it belonged. That thing was loud as shit for something that couldn’t even produce words.

John wanted to say one of the vacuum cleaner’s arms was going to hit him over the head, but thought better of it and got back to his incessant admiration. “Someone’s actually coming over?”

“Yeah.”

“To see us? I mean, not as possible buyers of the lot?” he was holding a chemistry textbook way too lovingly to his chest.

“Uh,” Sollux managed to give one of his shockingly expressive grimaces (for someone as cold hearted as he claimed to be, even John though he was showing way too many facial expressions on a daily basis – though, truth be told, all of either disgust or disdain, but it still counted!). “They—she’s coming to see me. And who the fuck would buy this shithole?”

“Oh...” John’s mental wheels started spinning really fast for a few seconds. Then he looked up again. “Do you need me to leave you alone tomorrow, then?” 

Sollux turned from where he was now dusting the monitor to squint at him. “No, why would I say that?” well, here came John’s sigh of relief. “Where would you even go...” was spoken in a lower voice, but they weren’t looking at each other anymore by now, so John settled for arranging books again, although in a less eager manner.

He knew Sollux didn’t mean for that to sound like it did (it didn’t, even, but John’s mind could distort reality pretty easily when it was repeating words and he knew it), but it still made him want to shut up and never talk again for a few years. It made it sound like he was some kid left on the stairs of a Victorian orphanage who, upon being seen by the nuns, only got words like ‘poor thing!’ and ‘what are we gonna do with him?’ and ‘he had nowhere else to go, poor dear’. Wow, Karkat’s fantasy-rants were really rubbing off on him now that he didn’t have other people to distract him from reading all of them.

He placed the last book on a 20-pieces high column and finally got off the floor. Ants on his legs, ants in his legs. He also had the strangest feeling that he was frowning even though he kept telling himself not to. What was there to frown about, anyway? Bluh, stupid brain.

“S-so, aah, ugh. AA’s probably going to be here when you get back tomorrow, so maybe I could tell you something about her? Just so you could be ready and blow her mind with your psychic knowledge? I won’t say a word.” That was definitely the most Sollux had said in one go that month. He was even attempting a smile, even though the awkward was steaming off it. 

Somehow, it made John’s throat hurt even more than it already did (apparently. When did that happen?). “No, that’s okay. I’ll just...find out when I see her or something. Thanks, though.”

Now that was weird. A few minutes ago he was dying to find out all their back-story (after all, Jade kept picking on Sollux for his lack of social skills, so the last thing John expected him to have was a girlfriend. If that’s what she was. He wouldn’t know.), but now the only thing he seemed to want to do was drift back to his room and probably sleep. So he did. Or at least he had attempted to.

The first five minutes had been consumed by John lying face-first on his bed and running over laundry detergent brands in his head. He ought to call dad and ask him which one he used at home. That would have been an improvement right then, dad’s fresh linen. Then, just when he took his face out of the pillow’s bottom and started staring at the walls, his laptop sprang to life with a familiar tinkle.

Since, after dealing with a dust-eating robot, a dozen too many glasses to wash and having to take the trash out three times he figured he deserved a little more comfort than usual, John dragged the computer to the bed. 

He stared at the screen for some time, putting his glasses back on and exploring it from right to left. The routine. Jade was offline, obviously, since she was taking her classes in the afternoon. With her went Jake too, since siblings ought to stick together (and, for once, John was the wayward cousin). 

Actually, Kanaya was the only one there, but she was probably working (what place was that where you could get paid for staying online for the entirety of 3 hours you spent there, anyhow??). Well, her and Karkat, who had probably just got home and, like the dutiful friend he was, opened John’s window without saying anything, just to tell him he was available to talk if needed. This had been the result, nevertheless, of John’s inability to observe one handle’s mood before starting to type.

Well, if he was offering...

EB: hey karkat. uh, how are you and your roommate getting along?

As he waited for a reply (not at all anxiously, who do you think he was?), he glanced outside, seeing the Sun already descending on the sky and wondering what could have kept his friend so long to get home. It wasn’t a work day for him, that he knew. He also wondered if he passed by Prospit Avenue on his way home, wherever that was. It had been less than two months since John moved into the city and, therefore, started looking on the streets for a person he only knew by a chumhandle and grey text, but he was feeling less hopeful every day. Or maybe it was just his current mood putting an imprint on his feelings.

CG: LIKE SHIT.  
CG: SHE’S STILL TRYING TO PSYCHOANALYSE ME AT EVERY STEP I MAKE AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I YELL AT MY FEET TO MOVE FASTER UNLESS THEY WANT TO BE TAKEN TO THE FINEST BUTCHER IN TOWN I CAN’T RUN FOREVER. CAUSE GUESS WHAT. I’M LIVING IN HER FUCKING HOUSE.  
CG: SO WE’RE GETTING ALONG LIKE WE ALWAYS HAD. AT LEAST SHE GOT RID OF THE FUCKING CAT.  
CG: WHY DO YOU ASK.  
EB: just asking.  
EB: was today fine?

If he was to count the number of times he’s written ‘we’re going to live in the same city’ and ‘our colleges are only 6 stations apart, can you believe it?’, which had changed into ‘so i could get a bus right now and come over only if you told me where you live’ or ‘exactly what bookstore are you going to visit?’ after his move, only to backspace it off immediately, he would run out of fingers. Twice.

CG: NOBODY DIED, SO THERE WAS NO DANGER OF ME GETTING IN JAIL FOR SOCIETY’S SAKE. BUT THEN AGAIN, THAT MEANS I AM STILL ALIVE TOO, SO I GUESS THAT EVENS IT OUT.  
CG: IT WAS FINE, JOHN.  
CG: WHAT’S WRONG?

What? But he didn’t even give him enough time to congratulate him on keeping his criminal record clean for another day! He had typed ‘nothing’ and almost sent it when he remembered that (1) it was a lame lie and (2) Karkat had probably seen two lifetimes’ worth of shitty romantic movies, so he could catch on that even before seeing the reply. Oh, crap. John looked up. Okay, no mind reading today.

EB: i don’t know, i guess i

He had almost typed ‘miss my dad’ when he remembered that oh, right, Karkat thought he was back home, attending whatever college he’d told him he had been accepted into back there. He was feeling a bad kind of weird because it was hard to swallow, so he settled for a deep breath.

EB: got a little stressed over these assignments.  
EB: can you believe how many we’re given, karkat???  
EB: print them out and you’d get a quadrilogy in seven parts.  
CG: UH HUH.

Like the intelligent young man he was, John knew very well how good breathing exercises were for one’s brain. This was what he was doing right now. Keeping healthy. 

CG: TELL ME WHEN YOU’VE STOPPED SPILLING BULLSHIT OUT OF EVERY ORIFICE SO I CAN ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION.  
EB: hey that’s mean!  
EB: i am setting my heart on a plate in front of you here and you still hand me the poisoned apple.  
EB: not cool, dude.  
CG: NEED I REMIND YOU WHAT I THINK ABOUT THAT ANALOGY?  
EB: dude, snow white was not a blood-drinking demon.  
EB: everyone knows that’s sleeping beauty.  
CG: SHE WAS FOUL AND SHE MARRIED A NECROPHILIAC DOUCHE. THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT.  
EB: hehe, if you say so...  
CG: EGBERT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

That was better. That was much better. Crisis averted, someone might just as well go and hand Karkat the badge of honour as protector of the City otherwise known as John’s wellbeing. Though he would just use it to crack the head of whoever brought it to him, it would still be something worth watching.

So he might not have bumped straight-on into his friendmate for life and he might not have been tripped by the red string of fate in a bookshop, but then again, they both had been in town for just over a month and John, for one, knew he still had years to spend in the same place. 

There weren’t that many streets in the city centre (and you literally had to pass by it every time you wanted to get somewhere important, after all) and John wasn’t so unlucky that he’d never cross paths with his faceless best friend. And, despite what he said, he knew Karkat wasn’t that bad either, so the bad luck couldn’t rub off on either of them. But more importantly, there was only one good video store around. 

 

But who the hell used video stores anymore? That was John’s eventual final thought as he stared dumbly at the cassettes lined on the walls and shelves. There were half a dozen people already in there, but, judging from their age/gender/company, neither of them was Karkat. Well, he had just arrived. Might as well hang around a bit.

True, some (all) of these movies were pretty old, but even he had to gaze for quite a while at some Ghostbusters VHSs before sauntering empty-handed to the romcom shelves. Well, at first. Then he thought it over and he went back to get a copy. It was always less suspicious if one had something in his hands.

Just a sidenote: he didn’t really have that much free time. Or maybe he did. John was well-known among his, well, his own mind for having a special way of spending his nights. Don’t look at him like that, he’d had 6 years to learn from his more nocturnal friends. Nevertheless, it was from this maybe-had time that he spent three quarters of an hour hanging around the store.

When he finally resigned and got out (he was hungry, more likely), the air was chillier and darker. Huh. He had to remember how early dusk came now. Upon seeing that he could see his breath in front of him, he swiftly buttoned his jacket up. Back home, he would have still been able to wear a hoodie, but that was all the culture shock he had gotten here. It was fine.

John had never been an all-knees and ankles kind of guy. In fact, he always walked like an accomplished young man, due to his father’s stern insistence on his posture. Moreover, nowadays, since he was no longer sleeping in trains and drinking enough water, he looked quite well, no trace of the false-junkie left. He might have even been called handsome by the old ladies in the park if only his hair would have stopped being all...that (Yes, imagine a finger pointing at all of it.).

Sidenote the second: his hair wasn’t really as bad as the overeager narrator had made it seem to be. No, actually it was, but it also had a very steady, almost healthy relationship with his head so that, on John, it looked naturally shambolic (cuckoo). You just had to give the sight a few minutes (or hours) to sink into your retinas. Too bad nobody spent that much time with him, really. Some unconventional handsomeness was hidden there, under a few layers of social stigma.

Meanwhile, completely unaware of his almost pretty face, John had got on a bus and passed by two or three stops already. That’s how long debates about one’s beauty last. 

 

He hadn’t remembered about the visitor until he started going up the stairs to their apartment. That was weird, since it had seemed like such a big deal the night before. Human brains were weird and John was a gene scientist in the making. 

Anyway, he hoped that, since he was late, Sollux had arrived home already. He didn’t know how to start a conversation with a girl whose name he didn’t even know. The last one to talk to him was an unidentified one asking him for a pen the week before. Plus, he didn’t want to upset Sollux’s date. The guy had been a recluse for the entirety of time they’ve spent together, any company was welcomed.

Nevertheless, his luck was just as bad as it had been for the past weeks, so there was no computer engine buzzing when he opened the unlocked front door. Slowly, keeping an eye on the slightly ajar entrance to Sollux’s lit room, he placed his shoulder bag carefully on a chair and then took off his coat in the same manner. He was just debating whether to go in and say ‘hi’ (or ‘hello’?) or to wait for her to come out when the floor creaked behind him. He froze.

“Hi, John!” He most surely did not yelp. Nope.

“He-llo,” he managed a smile without breathing as he turned. Then he blinked, scanning the figure in front of him. Well, at least she was not taller than him, but wow, seeing his roommate, he expected some sort of a gamer girl, not this. “Uh,” he looked over her shoulder when he could back out from the staring contest. “Were you alone here?”

“Yep.” Her eyes were almost as wide as her smile. For how dishevelled her appearance was, John had never seen better applied lipstick. Nor did he see someone on whom that shade of red looked more fitting. Uh. Staring. Awkward. “Sollux’s going to be a while, you know how that teacher of his gets...”

Uh, no, he didn’t? What teacher? Quite guiltily, John cleared his throat. “Yeah. Uh, well, I’m John.” Simply having your name known did not mean you could back out from the first handshake. That, right there, was good human etiquette if John had ever seen any.

“Aradia. Nice to meet you, John,” she beamed, and her ‘u’s sounded like cooing. “Are you alright? How was your day? Your hand’s freezing.”

Ew, she was right. He took it back and started rubbing his hands together. “It was alright, thank you,” he shivered into a grin and she seemed acceptably happy with that, so it was all good. “Um, how was yours?” somehow, he managed to make a question sound like a statement sound like a question. Mm, linguistics.

“Great! I met a group of street musicians on the train! If only the delay was longer, I could have learnt how to play the flute.” Icy thumbs up. “Anyway, Sollux keeps complaining about the food –“ 

“He does?”

“– so I brought you something from home.” She pointed at the kitchen door.

John looked back at it. Damn, was that hallway small. “Oh.”

Gazes back in place, she blinked up at him. “Oh, don’t worry. He only said it’s more expensive over here. You see, back home you could buy a hamburger for a coin a few years back.” She walked to the kitchen and he followed.

John had to bite back a remark at this. It was all Karkat’s fault. His and his roommate’s for giving him those books to read (which, ultimately, ended in John having to read them too, if only in order to be able to snap back at him when he started talking in references). Be that as it may, one burger for a coin sounded more like SNACKSTM than anything ever did.

Aradia started unpacking black box after black box. He pulled a chair at their small kitchen table and sat down, watching her hands moving way too fast. “Um, so you’ve known each other long.” He forgot until it was too late that there was supposed to be a question mark.

She raised her eyes and looked at him from between reddish-brown strands of hair. “He didn’t tell you the story?”

The plan of action was obvious: John blinked. Then shook his head. Expressivity at its best.

She grabbed two forks from the sink, settled down on the other chair and pushed a box and piece of cutlery to him. Looking from her grin to the contents of the box, John took a forkful. Oh, thank God, it was just curry. “I was abducted by aliens.”

He coughed. The perfect crime.

She sniggered. “He ran me over with his bike when we were 9. For how small he was, he managed to break my arm,” she showed John a tiny scar on her forearm. “I used his guilt to make him help me excavate the back yard.” He returned her smile. “And then I was abducted by aliens!”

It was probably the first time he’d laughed since he moved out and it had quite an effect. It reminded him he hadn’t even tried to pull a prank for months. This was unacceptable. The first thing tomorrow morning he was baking tarts. Good thing it was Saturday. Also, he needed to get lots of cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not an angsty story but it may have some sads around if I feel it's natural for them to be there.  
> Also, the blood-drinking demon Snow White is from Neil Gaiman's "Snow, Glass, Apples". It's a very good short story.  
> Famine's SnacksTM is from "Good Omens" and bless you if you knew that.


	3. In which John works hard, makes a new  friend and bakes a cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First, having your computer around while studying is not advisable.  
> Second, that move there was something pulled off by Fate.  
> Third, hello young fella.  
> And in the end: John is finally a man, after baking a Betty Crocker cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flippin frigs, thank you guys for reading this thing!  
> Writing was harder this week, although I cannot say for sure why.  
> Anyway, till next time, thanks and enjoy and take care.

Sollux, like every other human being (so maybe he was human too), didn’t receive the bulk of cream and dough in his face with cries of joy or applause. Instead, he settled for a dramatic silence and then for a low growl while John stood in the doorway, grinning sheepishly and apologizing for taking so long to give him the traditional egbertian housewarming gift, but he had been so air-headed, Sollux, you have to believe him. Aradia’s enthusiasm was probably the only thing that saved him from a very sure, very painful death.

Nevertheless, the news about the incident had a fantastic effect on his father. Basically, John could almost see the man’s shoulder’s sagging as he heard his sigh of relief. However, now he feared the visit back home for Christmas, when there was no doubt that his dad would unleash all his best tricks over him. Still, Christmas was far away from his point of view (everything over 2 days was far away, he meant), so John gave himself a pep talk about how he’d be ready for whatever would come his way. Bluh, that made him feel homesick again.

EB: please tell me it got there this time.   
GA: Yes It Did   
EB: okay now tell me the truth.  
EB: did it???   
GA: Yes John I Can Confirm That All My Missing Packages Have Finally Arrived Today  
GA: I Must Admit I Did Not Expect That   
EB: hehe, did it exceed your expectations?  
EB: man, i hope it did, it took me months to find it.   
GA: The Efforts You Made In Order To Acquire My Present Are Most Appreciated  
GA: I Was In Fact Looking For Something Of This Kind   
EB: jade said you were!  
EB: ahaha, oh man, that was not cool.  
EB: but i guess you knew she helped me pick it already?   
GA: Yes In Fact I Did  
GA: Dont Worry John I Am Not The Type To Hold A Grudge  
GA: Even If In My Culture People Have Been Culled For Dishonest Trading Before   
EB: that’s bullshit, i know my basic school lessons. buddhists don’t kill anyone.  
EB: well anyone new.  
EB: but that was good, you almost got me there!   
GA: Thank You

It was one of those days when, however fast you thought you were working, it was always too late and there was a new thing to do everytime you thought ‘that was it, I’m done!’. Of course, John had only checked in on Kanaya because she was withholding very important information. Leaning back in his chair so he could put the textbook in his lap, he pushed his glasses up his nose and restarted humming in a preoccupied manner as he chewed on the pen that made its way up to his lips.

GA: Are You By Any Chance Engaged In Other Activities   
EB: oh, sorry!  
EB: yeah, i have...kind of a mock exam tomorrow?  
EB: and i’ve been slacking in other classes too, so i’m trying to finish as much work as i can tonight.   
GA: Oh  
GA: Karkat Has Been Telling Me You Now Study Environmental Science  
GA: I Was Not Aware Of The Fact Youve Changed Your Major So Soon  
GA: Ill Get Going Now   
EB: wait no  
EB: no, i didn’t change my major. it’s still genomics only, uh, don’t tell that to karkat?   
GA: I Admit That The Turbulences Produced By That Detail Are Out Of My Understanding Capacities So As They Say  
GA: Ill Keep My Mouth Shut   
EB: um, yeah, ha ha  
EB: i’ll...explain. soon, i hope. but thanks, kanaya!   
GA: A Pleasure As Always

The _point_ was, the point was. _The_ point was. The point _was_. The point he was trying to make was the dolphins. That was his point. No, not really. The point was that the University Karkat currently thought he was going to (yes, that one back home) didn’t have a Genomics department. Maybe he was a little paranoid in thinking Karkat would check, but then again, it was Karkat he was talking about.

After a swift good-night, he decided to turn the computer off. A daring measure, yes, but there was currently no need for it anymore. The need, however, was for his glands to be able to drink more than one mug of coffee per night without getting sick. That was the need right then.

He got back to his multiple choices and stood with them, cuddling the information like it was coming from the deepest fires of hell for hours. Then, he proceeded to have a ten-minute break, which had consisted mainly in groaning at the ceiling and the ceiling groaning back in its silent voice. Sollux was still up in the other room too, so there was no danger or a voice actually groaning back, with vocal chords.

But then again, Sollux was half robot. There was no doubt in John’s mind. Nobody could live that long with just 2 hours of sleep per night. Or, he didn’t know. He supposed they were two hours! By 4 am, his retinas were scratched and burnt from the inside and his brain swam in so much mathematical acid that he had to wonder how the hell he would fall asleep. One painkiller seemed childish, in the end, so he took 2 and a sleeping pill and a glass of milk. That ought to knock him out.

It also ought to make sure he’d be late for class the next day. However, John Egbert was too good of a runner to be more than ten minutes late. One day, maybe, he’d start hating that about himself.

 

It had rained that morning. It had rained and the sky was dull and the class was interesting, but the professor was dull and more than half of the students didn’t understand shit of what he was saying. John was currently enjoying a slow death by desperation and every time he thought his salvation might come from one good sentence the man got out, he was soon proved wrong by a change in the subject or a misunderstanding. 

He could see a girl two rows in front of him showing all kinds of panicky expressions. She’d been at it for the past half an hour. Maybe if John was closer, and the class wasn’t that damn quiet, he would have made her a few diagrams to understand the concepts better. The people on his left were either sleeping or in a worse case of dying than he was. 

He looked to his right and saw the guy that seemed to come to each of these courses, but which he guessed was majoring in something else. Maybe it was the fact that he didn’t really talk to anyone there, or maybe it was that no professor ever said anything to him. If they were in the same major, John presumed they would have mentioned him at least once. 

In between him and this guy was the genderbent replica of the girl in front. Only paler and taller and blonde and possibly more dedicated to keeping a straight face despite the raw horror showing in his eyes. Wow, were these real? John felt himself lean forward to stare unsubtly at them. Uh. Well. He had to stop staring at people that way before they started noticing it.

He turned his eyes towards the blackboard and waited for a minute or two before getting determined enough to slowly tear off a page from his agenda. He tried to explain the course as swiftly as possible and, upon rereading the paragraphs at the end, he decided he’d done a good job. He passed the paper slowly to his neighbour and held his breath until the other started reading it.

Upon receiving it back, he found a number of questions at the bottom. Careful not to smile he answered them with the same care and passed it back. The professor raised his voice and changed the subject abruptly enough for many of the sound asleep to come back to the living world. The guy next to him did a poor impression of a jump, then acted as if it didn’t happen. John looked at the blackboard again. The man had managed, somehow, to destroy another good subject. He heard a small groan from the major-non-major guy.

When he got the sheet back for the second time, there were just a couple of questions. John didn’t know what made him happier: being able to help a suffering one or being allowed to show off his intelligence. Thankfully (or not quite, for the rest of the class), the course was a two-hour one, give or take, depending on the teacher’s disposition, so they’ve been able to get even to the second sheet. However, by then, signs of the upcoming end were already showing all over the room, and the last exchange only had the word ‘thanks’ added, just beside an artistically-developed example of DNA.

“No problem,” John said, grinning, as soon as the door to freedom opened moments after the swap.

“I seriously doubt this place’s ability to go on if students are legitly killed with sermons like these every week,” the other one sighed after finally managing to extract himself from his chair.

John was the happiest man on Earth. “No, this was not a sermon. You should come to Mrs. Smith’s course on Monday. She takes the concept to a whole new level, it’s sick.”

He got a smirk. “No, thanks, man. I only came today because I lost a bet. I’m an artist, what the hell was I brought here for?” From behind him, major-non-major murmured something that might or might not have involved asses and the handling of them. The other one broke his straight face to grimace at that, before looking back at John. Now that was a first in his life. “Dave.”

Human etiquette in action, a handshake was currently taking place. “John, nice to meet you.”

“Okay, now let’s get out of here, I –” he stopped short upon seeing that there was no one behind him anymore. “That shit. Um, yeah, let’s go,” he went ahead, dodging chairs and tables and the remaining hands and feet in the room and, even though he wasn’t the type to be usually invited to follow, John presumed the circumstances were more or less making him the only receptor, so he did.

The sky still had a pretty long face and the lack of light made everything seem dull and greyer than usual and John felt like a character in Charlie’s Chocolate Factory, except there was no factory nearby and it wasn’t snowing. 

When Dave stopped outside the building without any warning, he almost ran into a pillar. “Right. You have to go somewhere?” the other turned towards him, searching for God knew what in his jacket’s pockets.

John offered him the customary blink. “Ah, nope.” 

He really didn’t, since that day was a free day (meaning, Karkat either wasn’t leaving the house or he was going undercover, so there was no reason for John to prolong his walk home trying his luck). They had a lot of free days lately, since Karkat was boring and John didn’t dare look for his college yet. That was another weird thing. It was really weird when he started to realise that some days, he was relieved not to have found him.

Finally successful, Dave took a pair of aviator glasses out of his pocket. John couldn’t keep it in. “Dude, it’s almost raining.” That earned him a very discontent blank look. He had to cower a little under those red irises before they were hidden, but he was still grinning.

Dave did what must have been his equivalent of a scoff and looked away. “Well, I have one more hour to kill messily before my actual classes start.” He appeared to be thinking for a moment, then he let out a dramatic sigh, which turned into a shudder as a gust of wind hit him in the back. “Let’s go somewhere.”

 

And somewhere was, in the end, a coffee house across the street from the university. It was a first for John who, despite learning three quarters of the city streets by foot, hadn’t had the chance to stop by until then. Well, he had also been trying to save as much money as he could, since he had yet to start looking for a job and his scholarship was only enough to pay the rent.

In between mouthfuls of bad, watery coffee, he found out that Dave was an art student (John had always looked at the art wing with curious eyes, but this was the first contact he sort of had with someone related to it) and that his life was miserable. He had been very keen on making John understand particularly the miserable part, and the other, in turn, found it really funny how he managed to complain so much while keeping a bored look on his face.

“And this coffee sucks,” the blond concluded, making him laugh. “Are you always this quiet or is it because I picked you up during an oration about semi-computerised life? Not sexy at all, we should forget that had ever happened and pretend we’ve fatefully met at this very table.”

John’s eyes bulged out. “No way, I have to write a report on that shit!”

“It talks.” Dave took a long mouthful of his coffee. John had to cringe. “No, man, please tell me something about yourself here, else I might think I’m about to be picked up by dubious men of indeterminate ethnicity and shipped over to Spain. Is that what’s going to happen.”

“Dave.”

“I should call my mom, then. Mom, yeah, yeah, it’s me, your son.”

“Daaave.”

“What do you mean what son. The one that broke all your knives on Christmas Eve. Yeah, that one. Mom, are you drunk. I am about to be shipped to Spain and you’re fucking drunk. What class. Anyway, bye, love you, I’ll send you pictures.”

Too late, John was giggling-gurgling in his coffee so much that the poor thing was probably deader than before. The silence had probably registered all the way to his brain, but he had a long way to go before stopping. So that was why, when he eventually opened his eyes to look at Dave, he had a massive grin on and was still swallowing a few sniggers.

“I can’t believe you went through with all that.”

If he didn’t know better, he would’ve said there was a faint tint of pink on the other’s face. “What? I would have spilled dirt all over the family name if I didn’t. I would’ve had to go to the Strider top-security prison.” 

He was opening his mouth to continue when John stepped in. “You’re doing it again,” he snickered, getting a mock-death glare directed his way.   
Truthfully, he didn’t have the faintest idea what was happening and how and why were they talking like they’ve gone to kindergarten together, but he couldn’t complain. This was the most he’d talked with someone face to face since he’d visited Kanaya last winter holiday. And Aradia last week... What did you know, his life was getting better!

Maybe he was getting the silent treatment now, maybe it was his turn to talk, but Dave was at the moment completely engrossed in his tasteless coffee, which must have been cold like a chicken left outside in mid-winter. Uh. “So, um, I’ve never been to Spain, so I don’t know if I can send you there, but I’ll do some research. I’m a freshman over there,” he pointed out the window at the science building. “I enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach.”

He could see a smirk creeping up Dave’s face. “Which department?”

“Genomics and Systems Biology.”

Dave sagged in his chair. “Thank God.”

He squinted at the last two mouthfuls of coffee remaining in his cup. “Why?” He took a swig.

“It means you’re not going to randomly take a robot out of your backpack and make it prepare an omelette. Which was dumb to say because now I’m hungry.” He looked at John over his glasses. “Are you?”

“Hungry?” John tried sheepishly.

“Going to flaunt a robot around.” It was funny because he looked positively on edge about it.

John had successfully drained his coffee. He was the coffee master. It was him. “Nah, man, I was going to for a moment there, but I’ve decided to be considerate about your feelings.”

“That’s the kindest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

John nodded. “You deserve so much more, Dave.”

“Think you can show me, John?” Whoaa, the edge his voice had taken was almost professional acting.

John held his gaze for a few seconds there, but then he collapsed in another fit of giggles, head in hands and all that. He heard a faint mumble of something regarding the time and a few curses, but he didn’t put two and two together until Dave was out of his chair and apparently paying the bill.

“Have to go, man,” he flaunted his hand around and John saw on the wall clock that he was 10 minutes late already.

“Uh, sure, okay, sorry,” he breathed in deeply, fishing blindly for his shoulder bag under the table.

Dave stuck a post-it to his available arm in the meantime. “See you.”

When he was gone (aka. 3 seconds later), John took the post-it off and looked at it. Heh. So far, this had been his most productive non-date.

 

The sound that came out of his throat as he turned the box to look at it was not human and certainly not alien either. It sounded like what Satan must have sounded when they interrupted his favourite show with a commercial. The SuperMoist part always got to him in all the wrong ways. But Aradia had bought it and called last night especially to remind him about his promise to bake Sollux something, so he had to endure. It was just him and Crocker and the claustrophobic kitchen for a few hours.

He had mostly surpassed the deadly point in his school activity, for now, but from what could be heard (or, better said, not heard. No games played and all that.), his roommate was still on the battlefield. But why, WHY did he have to like cake. Or, whatever, accept cake as food. And why, of all the brands there were, did Aradia have to buy Betty Crocker mix?

Well, anyway, he turned on the stove and took out the cake pan his father insisted on taking with him as a family heirloom. He glanced at the box. Then, having made enough effort, he decided to drink a glass of water. Then he opened the package. 

The powder was just as he recalled it to be from when his father made a cake every other day. That sure wasn’t something he missed about home. Bluh. He almost threw the bowl on the table before pouring the flour (and whatever was in that devilish thing) inside. It was a good thing he’d had the inspiration to buy milk as he came home that day. The last time he’d ever bought something and left it unattended it had disappeared quite mysteriously.

The only problem was, they didn’t have a mixer or anything remotely close to that. So this was John’s chance to see just how manly he was, doing everything by hand. He had poured the milk and the oil (he was pretty sure they ought to be added in small quantities, but who cared?) by the time Sollux stepped into the kitchen. John hadn’t even known he was home already.

His roommate didn’t say anything, but kept on staring at the bowl in John’s arms, so he took that as a sign to continue what he was doing. Meaning, breaking eggs like there was no tomorrow. John was a professional egg breaker.

“What’s...that?” Sollux pointed dejectedly to his work. John had to squint at him. Stress appeared to have worsened his lisp.

“Baking you a cake so you won’t kill yourself,” he explained as he washed his hands by the sink. The hard part was only now starting.

“What.” He’d tried to sound annoyed, but John could see the flicker of curiosity in his unshaded eyes.

Oh, dear Lord in Heaven, he hadn’t missed this one bit. As he started beating the mixture, it was as if his entire childhood was flashing in front of his eyes. All those days when Nanna had to stay with him and when she kept insisting that he learned how to bake at least five different types of cake a month. Bluuuuh!!!

“Dude. Don’t. This is harder for me than it will be for you. And you’d better eat it afterwards, else I’ll give a bad report to the mother ship.” Uh, uh, sticky.

“Mother ship?” By now, he was staring over his shoulder. “Shit, did AA make you do this?”

“She’s...,” John sighed exhaustedly, “suggested it.”

“Is it too late to stop now?”

John gave the batter a couple more spins. “Pretty much, yes.” Then he turned around. “Why, you don’t want it? I’m not eating even a bit of it, so think of the children in Africa before answering.”

Sollux gave him a sceptical, bi-coloured look. Then he glanced at the batter again. “Uh...no, if you say it’s gonna be edible, then I’ll eat it. You look a little pale.”

He did a master-chef job of adding the poppy seeds. “Nah. And it should be as edible as anything the batterwitch makes. Which is not much, but enough, giving the fact that the people in my family ate cake almost on a daily basis and are still more or less alive.” Now, on to the cake pan. He snatched the butter from Sollux’s hands.

“Okay...?”

John glanced at him briefly. “But you’re actually having a break now. What happened?” He couldn’t for the life of him remember if you buttered the pan and then added the baking sheet or the other way around.

Sollux sagged down in a chair, apparently resigning to watching him work. Then he nicked the milk carton and probably downed more than half of it in one go before grimacing at the thing. “Fuck if I know how he drinks this all day,” he muttered at it. “It’s a group project and I’ve done my share.”

“I see.” Down in the pan went the evil concoction. “Well,” deep into the stove was the spawn pushed, “this will not be ready for another half an hour, so I’ll call you when I take it out.”

“Sure.” He was still holding to the milk carton as John started cleaning the working place and putting things back in the refrigerator. What did living almost alone do to a person. When he was done, Sollux was still looking at him. John raised his eyebrows at him, hands on his hips. The perfect housewife. He waited. “Do you wanna play Castle Crashers?”

John’s grin split his face. “Hell yes.”


	4. In which John wakes up early, meets The Queen, and is hit by the sads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For yet unknown reasons, Dave is a morning person.  
> This means everyone he knows has to be the same.  
> John goes to the place where the ducks are, but stops quoting Salinger.  
> Also, he gets a god-blessed visit from Jade, which has a certain impact on him. Sort of.

It had taken John a while to finally convince Sollux that he was better than him at that game, but he eventually did it. After all, it wasn’t like he had a choice. He either won every time or admitted defeat in the most humiliating manner. He couldn’t remember when he’d last been forced to play that many hours on a console. But now he was free. And a winner. And it was too early to be awake on a weekend, but that was somebody else’s fault.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] shared fuckingterminator101.jpeg with ectoBiologist [EB] –-  
TG: see what i mean  
TG: dudes fucking crazy  
EB: are you talking about the tiny guy or about your bro?  
TG: does it matter  
TG: he kept looking at me with those mismatched eyes of his  
TG: i swear it john i can still see them everytime i close my eyes  
TG: which from on now will be never  
EB: ha ha, come on, dave, i think he looks cute.  
TG: cute  
TG: what the fuck john were you raised by cthulhus children  
EB: more like the dungeon dimensions.  
TG: see thats not cool dont reference me into oblivion  
TG: wtf does that even mean  
EB: hehe  
TG: but like i said fml  
TG: i thought it was bad when the house was afloat with puppets  
TG: but fuck that at least those things couldnt talk  
EB: but that’s pretty cool!  
EB: i mean think of how many people had tried and failed to do that. dave, your bro’s a genius.  
TG: that is called artificial intelligence and its the first step towards a bloody apocalypse

Head in his hands, John glanced at his tiny Pesterchum list. He sighed. He hadn’t talked to Karkat in a while and since it was before noon, he shouldn’t have expected him to be online, but a man could hope. In retrospect, he thought he deserved some kind of reward after Dave had woke him up at 9 am to say he was leaving him one of his lyrics notebook in his last will.

EB: and what’s the terminator’s name?  
TG: squarewave  
EB: ahahahah  
TG: shut up my lifes endangered here

His phone buzzed nearby, which distracted him from the upcoming ramble. He hoped they hadn’t been late with the rent. Then he thought it was the police telling him Dave was dead. Why would the police call him anyway?

_i’ll have good news soon :D – jade_

John blinked at the screen. He debated whether to send a question mark or not, but he knew what was going on. The smiley was the secret. A secret that John cold not shatter, no matter how many question marks he used. Such was life when being related to Jade Harley. A mystery and a miracle.

TG: did you die first  
TG: come on dude did you really think i was serious about shutting up  
TG: who the hell even does that anymore  
TG: no seriously how many people have you met that when saying shut up they actually meant it  
TG: its the 21st centurys disease john  
TG: there is practically no word left to make people shut up  
TG: maybe perhaps something like hey dude what can you tell me about astrophysics would work  
TG: who am i kidding you and bro would start a debate over that kind of shit  
TG: fucking scientists man  
TG: its like youre abducted at birth and taught everything we dont know  
TG: just so youll make us look like dumb shits later in life  
TG: dude you there  
TG: come on  
TG: john  
EB: jeeeeeez!  
EB: i’ve only been away for a minute.  
EB: the clock has spoken.  
TG: dont go where i cant follow plz  
EB: ha ha, no, you’re not getting away with that quote with a feeble plz, dave.  
EB: not now. not ever.  
EB: you can start raising an army to fight me or you can hide yourself in a cave, but i am still going to show the word your inner dork.  
TG: youre a cruel man john  
EB: you have just simply walked into mordor and now there’s no escape.  
EB: do you have a favourite movie poster?  
EB: should open photoshop?  
TG: what have i done

John grinned smugly at the screen. That ought to put him back in his place. It was a true fact that John Egbert found having a real-life friend quite exciting. For once, allusions to conversations like these were a lot more fun if he was there to see the other struggle to keep on a cool face. So much fun.

He had also found out that it was harder than he thought to transfer his sense of humour from written to spoken format. That did not do. He had to practice more. Good thing Dave was just a (very long) hallway away. And also lucky him that the other didn’t appear to have anything against hanging out with him almost on a daily basis. 

Strange fact. He’d expected someone like Dave to have an entire group of boring, wanna-be-cool friends. Up until now, he had only seen him talking with very few people, all of those in such a hurry that John hadn’t had the opportunity to do more than shake their hand and answer one or two questions. He had dismissed Dave’s explanation that they were busy running an underground mafia group. Could the mafia _not_ be underground? And who even used names like _The Midnight Crew_? That was something about which he was doomed to find out later. Dave was just a really fast improviser.

TG: okay hes gone  
TG: i swear the little shit smirked when bro took it out of the room  
TG: are you taking another one of your enigmatic walks around bus stations today too or what  
EB: they’re not enigmatic, i just like walking!  
TG: yeah like hell you do  
TG: did you even see the queen yet  
EB: the what.  
TG: ahaha see bullseye  
TG: take the bus to school and ill meet you there

Dave wasn’t that cool. No coolkid was ever that punctual, John thought as he got off the bus and crossed the street towards him. Still cloudy and still he had his shades on, like always. John did a dramatic eyeroll he’d gotten used to use along with his “hi, Dave”s. He was getting better at it too!

“It’s not even noon yet,” he whined, fully protected by his blue hoodie. He only hoped they wouldn’t be long. It got close to freezing point by dusk.

“I know, right.” Bluh. John was sure his friend had just wanted to get out of the house, far away from all those nice robots. 

Mmm, robots. Silly Dave for not liking them. John still had to muster the courage to ask to see them. How long did one even have to wait before visiting a friend’s house? He didn’t even know whom to ask. Being young and making friends was hard.

 

They ended up going into the very park John had gone Holden Caulfield-y in the taxi on his first day in the city. Since then, he’d visited it a little, but he usually ended up walking in the same circle, so he stopped, eventually. Besides, Karkat didn’t like parks. Which was stupid of him because parks were romantic. And Karkat was...well. John grimaced slightly at the thought of putting the words ‘Karkat’ and ‘romantic’ in the same sentence.

“Dude.” In the meantime, Dave had stopped and sat down on a bench. It was from there that he now stared up at a pretty disquieted John. “You looked a little constipated there.”

“Uh.” He looked at the bench as if he hadn’t seen it before. The bench looked at him as if to say that it was okay, it hadn’t seen John either. “Bluh.” Then he sat down on its face. “So, the ‘queen’?”

“Patience, grasshopper.” Dave had fully managed to cross his legs in front of him on the bench and was now staring at a slightly unpopulated lake. 

“No ducks,” John observed lamely. Then it would’ve been quiet if it wasn’t for the overly noisy leaves above their heads, the psychotic kids at the playground behind them and Dave’s humming. John frowned. “Is that _Tire Swing_?”

The other continued humming for a few moments before answering, still looking ahead. “You can’t say shit about me since you recognised it.” He then went back to it.

John blinked at a bird on the lake. “Touché.”

It was a unique experience, sitting alone with a dude in a rather empty park at 11 am on a Sunday, watching the gulls and listening to him singing the _Juno_ soundtrack. John had the weirdest feeling of gratitude in that moment. He blinked at it. The feeling blinked back and settled down.

“Right.” Dave said when he got halfway through the second track. He probably didn’t know the words anymore and didn’t know whether to be relieved or sad. He patted John’s leg and got up. “Let’s go show you the queen.”

 

 _The Queen_ was a rather dubious construction of sorts that had been assembled somewhere and then moved to the other side of the park, quite hidden to the naked eye. Duh, nothing would’ve wanted to be looking at that think naked. Not even an eye.

“A beauty, isn’t she?” Dave smiled (as much as Dave could smile, he meant) up at the, uh, kinda statue.

John squinted and pushed his glasses up his nose. “Uh. Is that a bucket over there?”

“You bet it is. Painted it myself.” God, he sounded so genuinely proud.

“And that over there...,” he dared to go closer, “...rubber?”

“Genius, I know.” John felt sincerely thankful he’d applied for science.

He nodded understandingly, although he’d understood photosynthesis in 4th grade easier than he did this now. “How many of you guys had... _worked_ on it?”

“Around fourteen.” Good Lord. Then followed a minutes-long pause. John didn’t know if he was still supposed to look at it or not. “Say it.” Dave turned towards him and it was something about his tone and his face that made John, well, blink.

“It’s shit.”

“I know, it’s perfect. Pure rubbish, but because it comes from an art school, you agree to place it in a park. Children might see this, John. This is, truly, the end of the human race.”

“Perfectly said.” He withdrew his hands back in his hoodie’s pockets, fully aware that the chill was not necessarily caused by the wind.

“Thanks, dude. Now say your good-byes to Her Majesty. The knight needs his refreshment.”

With one last look at the unequal, aluminium eyes, John bowed his head a little and followed his friend to the best tavern in town. That is to say, the convenience store. Dave refused to buy his apple juice from anywhere else. Truth be told, John was still sticking with the orange. Some childhood nightmares never left one’s subconscious.

“We were talking about your walking habits,” Dave announced abruptly once he was half-done with the bottle of juice and they were taking the long route back.

“Were we.” He didn’t even feel generous enough to put a question mark there. They’d added sugar to the orange juice. Sugar! Some people just wanted to watch the world burn.

“Yeah, man. We were. Do you have anywhere to go today in your schedule?”

John breathed bubbles at the mouth of his bottle. “No, it’s Sunday,” he concluded, as finitely as he could.

“Which is the best day, then?” Dave had taken the wrong turn, but he didn’t feel like telling him right then. They couldn’t get lost anyway.

“Thursday, I think.” It actually was, in fact. He’d found almost all the most interesting places around the city on a Thursday. Not that it really mattered. Dave was not getting any actual information from him just yet.

“Can I come next time?”

“Sure.”

After all, two months into his plan, John was already close to losing most of his hope on ever bumping randomly into Karkat. The fact that he hadn’t talked to him in a while didn’t help either. Maybe he’d just tell him next time. _I’m here, meet me there or suffer the consequences._ What did he have to lose? Well, many years of friendship, according to the theory. Probably just a month of it, knowing Karkat. But what John wanted most not to lose was the shiny, glowing badge of trusted best friend. And that sentence, up there, could have cost him exactly that. Nah, John Egbert was too vain to do such things like resigning his status for future happiness.

 

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--  
GG: john!! :D  
GG: guess who just got plane tickets  
GG: flying right over to you!!  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] \--  
EB: that is the single most awesome thing i’ve read all year.

It wasn’t even Christmas. He had prepared for this for two weeks now. Spare duvet? Check. Spare pillow? Was hard to find, but check. All his belongings thrown either inside the wardrobe or under his desk? Cheeeck. He hadn’t been able to do much about the bathroom, though, but it was fairly okay. Jade was tough enough to put up with a boys’ bathroom. Someone was going to be stepped upon quite a lot in the bedroom, though.

Two days later, when he crossed the road towards her, John Egbert realised he hadn’t seen his cousin in something that felt like six months (which were actually seven). This was mainly projected on him by the fact that, out of the blue, Jade looked like a girl. Like, an actual, girly girl. Even her hair looked almost like it’d been brushed. Almost. And the effect was induced for the most part by her dress. John felt the sudden, gentlemanly need to throw his jacket on top of her own because of that. He was pretty proud of that thought, truth be told. Other than that, she was still the same old Jade. Well, older than him at least.

She engulfed him in a bone-breaking hug almost immediately, whispering a warm ‘I missed you so much, John!’ in his ear and John, maybe for the first time in his life, was actually thankful for it. But perhaps hugging her back with the same strength hadn’t been such a good idea, given the fact that this always signalled a problem in movies.

However, he escaped unharmed and they got home and with her help John had discovered Sollux’s love for Chinese food and those were all good things. Now John was sitting on the floor. Well, on the duvet that was on the floor, if that made any difference. He’d stolen Sollux’s spare blanket and shoved it in front of the door hoping that it would keep the cold kitchen air outside. Jade sat cross-legged on his bed, looking around the room.

“It’s cosy, John, but you have barely done any arrangements!” she was staring at the walls in that moment. “Your room back home was so awesome! Haven’t you brought anything here?” 

She was looking down at him and he, being in character, blinked. “Not really. I mean I didn’t like half of those movies anymore and I didn’t want the other posters to be damaged while I carried them around. But it’s fine. I don’t even look at it that much.” He smiled, but Jade only drew her lips in a thin line.

“But you spend all your time in here!” she swung back and forth until her hair was a static mess over her large, round glasses.

John carefully petted it out of her eyes, now standing on his knees in front of the bed. “Not all of it. And when I do, I think I mostly look at the computer, not at the walls. I mean, come on, Jade.” He had succeeded in making her puff her cheeks at him. He grinned. 

Then he heard a ding and Jade’s eyes moved to his laptop and then she leapt for it. “Hey, look, Karkat’s online! Finally. Guess he finally caught the right train back,” she seated herself better on the bed so John could join her.

“Back? Back from where?”

The girl blinked at his twice. “Didn’t you know? I saw some time ago that he hadn’t been active for a few days so I called him and he said he was visiting a relative or such. No internet in the countryside, sadly. Um...why isn’t he saying anything?” She kept looking at the open, but silent window, oblivious to John’s vividly pained expression.

“You _called_ him?”

“Mhm,” she said. Then silence. Then she turned towards him again, stared for a few moments, then “What, you guys don’t even _call_ each other? Do you at least have his number?” Despite her initial tone, she had started sounding amused. It made John narrow his eyes imperceptibly.

“I do! We text each other. I just, ugh, didn’t think of sending him a text this past week.” He didn’t regret running his hands through his hair even a bit, but he was aware of its sudden new peaks. “Gimme that.” Jade didn’t have time to abide, since he had already snatched the laptop, but she did put her chin on his shoulder so she could see their eventual conversation. John didn’t appreciate that sly grin. He drummed his fingers a little before actually typing something.

EB: hey

“Pffth,” went Jade in his shoulder.  
“Shut up,” he pushed at her forehead.

EB: did you get back fine, dude?  
EB: uh.  
EB: jade told me you were away so...  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: BUT I’M NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS TOWN ANYTIME SOON, THAT’S FOR SURE.

“Well, that’s a relief,” Jade grinned and elbowed John.

CG: FUCKING TRAINS. I WAS PROBABLY HALF MY WAY TO ALASKA BEFORE I REALISED I WAS IN THE WRONG ONE. WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT FORESEE THAT. IT SHOULD’VE BEEN A LAST-MINUTE PROMOTION BECAUSE FATE THOUGHT I HAVEN’T GOT ENOUGH SHIT THESE DAYS. LUCKY FUCKING ME.  
EB: there are trains that go to alaska?  
CG: OH MY GOD.

“Jade, stop moving.” He was almost falling off the bed, not like there was much space to fall into.

She pulled herself together, kind of, and dragged him to the centre of the bed again. “Now I see why he used to rant so much about you being stupid,” she snickered.  
“Yeah, yeah. Listen. Always avoid the problem. It makes it all pass faster.” They exchanged a few more lines. “And, uh, _used_ to?”

Pulling her knees closer, Jade nodded at him with a nice smile. “Yup! He hasn’t done it since you two started college, now. He had mostly suggested that you were acting odd. Well, typing.”

CG: WASN’T HARLEY IN A RIDICULOUSLY-TIMED VACATION?   
EB: yeah, well, she’s visiting.  
EB: lots of family fun you can’t know about, karkat!

“Odd?” John kept the repeating theme going.  
“Aww, why did you tell him that? I was going to tell him I’m in town,” she mock-pouted, “and, yeah, you do sound a little different. Kanaya agreed too.”

CG: THANK A DIVINE ENTITY OF UNDISCERNED ORIGIN FOR THAT.  
CG: BUT TELL HER I SAID HI, IF THAT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE.  
EB: will do!  
EB: so how was the visit?

“Well, Kanaya’s another story. And you’re all seeing – reading – things.” It was again like that time when he couldn’t stop frowning no matter what he tried.

Jade had her head in his hands now. “You look lonely too, John.” Grey descriptions and explanations passed vaguely in front of his eyes, but he couldn’t quite focus on them at that moment. Well, they were going to last a while anyway.

“I’m not lonely. Dave bugs me at all times. I basically _don’t have time_ to be lonely.” He knew she was waiting for him to make eye contact, but that was not going to happen. The best he could do was stare blankly at the screen.

“Well, Dave’s got a long way to go before he can be Karkat. Uh, not literally. But you know what I mean.”

“I’ll be fine after I visit my dad for Christmas.” That was an actual belief. He had been hanging by that thought and expectation for a long time now. But it wasn’t like he was keeping a calendar around to count the days until the holidays. No way.

Jade let out a small sigh beside him. “So you’re not going to tell him anything until then.” At his visible puzzlement, she pointed at the laptop. Holy water, that was a long rant.

“Uh, no,” he said quickly before giving the conversation a tentative scroll.

CG: OKAY, I REALISED YOU HAVE ASKED ONLY TO BE POLITE.  
CG: FORGET IT.  
EB: no, wait.

It was a good thing John Egbert was trained in competitive reading with himself from a young age. His eyes darted along the past few, well, _paragraphs_ , in less than a minute.

EB: okay, here.  
EB: um, but i guessed this gave you a chance to relax for a few days?  
EB: or, well, at least not work?  
EB: try looking on the brightside too!  
EB: and we’d all had out share of crazy aunts who forced us to eat oysters at some point in our lives.  
EB: metaphorical aunts count too!  
CG: HOW SHOULD I KNOW.  
CG: WELL, ANYWAY. I’M TOO TIRED RIGHT NOW FOR THIS SHIT.  
EB: i don’t think any clothes died from late unpacking yet.  
CG: IF THEY DID, FUCK THEM.  
CG: ANYWAY. THANKS, I GUESS.  
CG: TALK TO YOU TOMORROW, JOHN.

John closed the laptop soon before that and they stood in relative silence as he placed it back on the desk and eventually turned around, planning to look for his bed clothes. He was currently trying out the idea of telling the truth to Karkat in his mind, but he didn’t know what to think of it just yet. He should’ve at least told his dad about it, but no, he had to go over the top and tell him he’s talked with his friend already and that they were going to find their way around together and so on and so forth. Such a load of rubbish.

When he had successfully dug out a clean shirt (how he dreaded laundry Monday), Jade decided to break the silence. “Are you sure that what I’ve seen there is going to jump at your throat and break your metaphorical friendship pendant if you choose to finally admit you’ve made one mistake?”

He didn’t reply. He only covered his face with the chilly material. His face felt feverish.

“John.”

He tried to shake his head while still keeping it hidden, but it all came out as an uncoordinated shrug. He also found himself biting his lower lip for no particular reason. Damn, he was not overly fond of what followed. His shoulders shook and he tried to breathe deep into the white shirt and failed.

“Oh, John...” For once, he was actually glad that Jade was a little taller than him. Crying was awful enough without having to crouch in order to hide your face. And she had such weird, unexpected maternal reflexes sometimes too. Not that John really knew anything about the maternal side of things. Well, the fact was, he was glad she was there.


	5. In which John paints his room and watches honeyed majyyks unfold in the kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Jade always has good ideas, John decides that she's been right about his room.  
> Good thing Dave is an excellent paint thief.  
> Also, he finds out that eggs and bread are totally a dessert too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.  
> I didn't intend for this story to give me as many breakdowns as it does, but I hope it will eventually turn out decent.  
> Also, thank you, kind people, for reading it; you deserve a mug of kid-friendly eggnog each, once I find out how I can send it to you.  
> Thanks. Really.

Jade had been an awesome friend for the rest of her stay there and she had insisted on visiting so many parks that John hadn’t even known existed that he now had a whole new map it the city in his head. Spoiler alert: it was three times larger. She had done her best at keeping him busy and he had done all he could in order to let himself enjoy it, but the dark reminder of her approaching departure was always looming over his head. That worried him also because now he feared that it was going to be the same for Christmas.

As another fact, they had eventually ended up sharing the bed, which wasn’t comfy or humane at all with all of Jade’s kicking, but there wasn’t really other choice, since the temperature had dropped below freezing point overnight and stood there during the day too. It wasn’t snowing yet, though.

After seeing her off at the airport, John found himself hurrying back home not only because he couldn’t feel his thighs anymore, but because walking made him think and he didn’t fancy doing that a lot that day. Tomorrow would be good, lots of classes, lots of interesting books to read, but today he was standing on a cliff side.

So he wisely chose to drown his not-yet-sorrows in long hours of _Minecraft_. Not like John really had any idea of what he was doing there (he only hoped Sollux wouldn’t catch him at it, he would take it as a blasphemy), but it was catchy enough. Lucky him, the next option would have been _The Sims_.

In the evening, after a small chat with Jade, safely arrived home, and with Jake, whom he hadn’t heard from in...he was ashamed to think how much time, he settled down to look around his room. It was, in fact, pretty sad. Not really, it looked like a hotel room. John didn’t even like the blue of the walls and that was saying something, since he usually liked all kinds of blue. 

He wished he had something to cover them with. Then he remembered Sollux’s markers and went to trade a few hours of borrowing them with two Mars bars. Ultimate success. Then he brought all the white wrapping paper he’d stored from various college-y purchases and stretched it on the bed. Well.

It wasn’t that much. And it wasn’t enough. He went back to Sollux. “Can I paint on the walls?”

His roommate was, formidably, already finished with the snacks and pushing an old armchair in the balcony. Presumably, he wanted more space for his Wii. John went to help. “Can I?” he asked again when they were finished and already frozen.

“The owner said we’d have to repaint them all at the end of the contract. So, yeah, why not? Go wild. Only don’t draw dicks on those in my room.” Then he proceeded to look at one particular wall as if wondering if that had been a good decision or not.

“Great. Perfect, then. I might bring a friend over tomorrow, in that case,” John grinned, already feeling the weight on his shoulders dim a little.

Sollux gave him a worried look. “Do we have to clean up?”

“Not at all. He _loves_ rubbish,” he beamed.

“What a fantastic human being, I say, then.”

John was back in his room in a second, which was not that impressive, due to their apartment’s size, but nevermind that. He started portraying different backgrounds for it, but he could never stop on one actual pattern. The only thing he knew was that it had to be nerdy enough to make Dave cry.

 

To prove that miracles were still a thing that sometimes happened, Dave came over without his shades on. Well, he was late by a few days, but what could they do? College was a thing that happened at the same time with miracles, apparently. He had even brought a load of newspapers to cover the floor. John congratulated him by not throwing a welcome-in-our-mansion-tart in his face. 

They didn’t have that much paint, but they had chalk to add details, so that ought to settle things, but they had yet to start doing something. Dave was analysing the wall opposite the bed with critical, reddish eyes.

“You said you wanted DNA? All over this?” he pointed at it with a clean brush.

From his place on the side of the bed, John shrugged. “I figured it would be fun to do. But now I’m not so sure anymore.”

Dave sighed and got closer to the wall. Then he looked at their available paint. “Let’s change the background colour, for starters.”

Well, it hadn’t been that easy to do and it turned out messy and all over the place (Dave still had a mortified look on his face everytime he was reminded that he had grey paint in his hair), but eventually there were only a few spots of the ugly blue from before. Though John did not know what to think about the grey either. It looked like the inside of a rat, only nothing like it because a rat is red and bloody on the inside. Don’t mind him. College, science, these things get to you.

The only reason they’ve chosen that shade was because they had a larger amount of it. After all, it wasn’t as if John had bought all the paint there. Nah, most of it was Dave’s smuggling job from the studio. Good Dave.

However, repainting all the walls while taking breaks to argue about this and that movie and this and that band and how can you not like _Ghostbusters_ , Dave?! and obviously a longer one for lunch, had proved to keep them at it until quite late. And, from nowhere at all, John’s window had developed ice flowers. So he opened it, both to let the paint smell get out (and for the frozen air to get it), but also to get its mind on track.

Stupid window, it was not winter yet! John was very sure that here, winter did not start until the first snow. That was something he was eager to see, since he hadn’t got much of it when he was living at home. Warm weather. Bluh. He guessed that, since he had already endured inhumanly low temperatures in this city, he deserved a little bit of snow. But no, why would they give it to him?

Dave had managed to crawl somehow on his bed and under a couple of blankets (window still open) and probably fell asleep a few minutes ago, but John didn’t feel like waking him up. He said he’d get a taxi, so there was no need to rush him. The gray was mostly dried now and just as empty as ever.

Absent-mindedly, John grabbed the small bucket of bright green paint, put it on the paper-covered desk, dipped a brush into it and, upon finding the approximate centre of the grey emptiness, he started doodling. Well, not really. He was very meticulous, but he had no idea what he was meticulous about just yet.

He remembered playing this game with Jade when they were little. Jade had the most awesome dreams and she somehow always managed to remember them. Or maybe she didn’t, really, but her imagination was always getting the better of her. So she talked to him about these planets and all the cool things that one could find on them and there were always more planets and knights and witches and nobles and aliens and moons and a battlefield. John stopped to look at the green, square house he had drawn. It was only made of squares and triangles except from there where this square was a little detached from the main one and it made it a little unstable but not really.

Well, what did he have to lose? When he was very small, he used to sleepwalk and draw clowns on the walls. Which was nasty, because he was afraid of clowns. He still was, a little, on that matter. Back to the past, Jade’s ideas were pretty neat, so they ended up creating on that Universe for months. He had drawn those planets a hundred times, there was no surprise that now he found it so easy. He had to use the chalk too for the smoke and light and for the second moon, but he still thought it looked pretty neat. Those years ago, Skaia was his favourite to draw, because it was so blue and had pretty clouds and these weird circles around it that he had never until now managed to draw well. It was a nice place, too bad it was always used as a battlefield.

“That’s cool,” Dave said from the bed when he was done drawing the ring of meteors (with black dots, since grey would have only blended in).

“I hope so,” John put the brush down and backed away from the wall to look at it better. Well, it wasn’t half bad. “I have a few more for the other wall,” he pointed at the one behind Dave and then handed him the red paint. “Same house, only red and mirroring this one.”

They finished quicker with this one, maybe because some of the planets needed a lot of chalk scribbling and very little paint, so there was no need to wait for it to dry. Meh. John would have to carry his spare duvet into Sollux’s room for the night if he did not want any damage from the smell.

“Feeling more at home now?” Dave asked after they’ve capped all the buckets and threw the newspapers in the bin.

John regarded his room from the doorway. “Yeah, I think so. Thanks.”

“Anytime. Thanks for letting me sleep. It’s bedlam back home at this time of year.” John raised an eyebrow. “Final project and all that shit. It was nice not to hear any screwing of nails for a few hours.”

“It’s all in your head, Dave. The continuous screwing, the metal banging...”

“No.”

“Yes, it is. And I mean literally in your head, I can see a nail coming out of it here,” John poked his hair and grinned at seeing his wide-eyed expression. “How thorough have you been when locking your door at night?”

Dave settled for petting his blonde hair back in place. “Very. I even added a second lock ever since I woke up with him beside me last year.”

John wriggled his eyebrows. “Did it work?”

A huff. “No.”

“Hehee...”

“Not a word, Egbert, else I’m telling him about your crush on his mechanical skills,” he zipped up his jacket.

“Oh, no,” John opened the front door for him, managing to look scared only for a second before grinning again. “Night, Dave.”

“Night.” And he was out. There. Now John had to negotiate with Sollux for a place to sleep that wasn’t on the balcony.

 

Some evenings, when John came home, the apartment was empty and quiet and maybe a little sad. When he’d mentioned this to Sollux one time, the other laughed at something being sad not to have him in it. However, on other days, it was loud as shit and all the lights were on. John supposed the other didn’t know what switch powered what light so he just settled to lighting them all. Today was more of such a day. Though with less lights.

As John stepped, basically freezing, into the tiny hallway, he could hear some noises that he still couldn’t believe some people liked to listen to on purpose. Those were coming, obviously, from Sollux’s room. Which was...oh, what a...surprise? empty. Now that wasn’t really natural.

After hanging his cloak by the door and slipping out of his frozen sneakers (he was still not completely dedicated to his boots, since it was just cold, not wet or snowy), John took a moment to rub the frost out of his exquisitely tangled black hair and then stepped into the kitchen. A cup of something hot would have been nice, he thought as a secondary action.

From one of the working spaces, where he was working hard to open a huge jar of something that looked like honey, Sollux turned his unshaded eyes towards him and kept them on his face for a while. Although this gave John the opportunity to make a number of faces at him, it stopped being funny when he ran out of ideas.  
“Uh...what?” he smiled uncertainly and the other finally opened the jar and then went to put a pan on the stove.

“I was wondering what you do all day since you’ve told me your classes don’t last this long.” Sollux then shook his head. “But that’s none of my business, so ignore it.”  
“Ah, no, it’s nothing, I... Do you need something?” he pointed at the fridge when the other was staring quite intently at it.

Then Sollux threw two slices of bread on the counter. “Eggs.”

John quickly retrieved two of said methods of reproduction and handed them to him. “I don’t do anything, really. Mostly walk.”

Another weird look as Sollux started beating said eggs in a bowl. “Don’t you have college work or shit to do? How the fuck do you get the time?”

“Hehe, I do my work at night.” John smiled proudly as he was pretty proud of the achievements he had been granted at college despite his weird schedule.

“You must be some kind of child prodigy,” the other raised an eyebrow and soaked slice after slice of bread in the egg solution. John was trying not to be horrorfully fascinated.

Then Sollux threw those in the pan and they started fizzling like the tears of Satan. “No, I kind of doubt it,” John said with an even tone even though his eyes were wide and fixed on the pan. “Shouldn’t that be you? Jade told me you were even above her in middle school.” And that, just to be clear, was a very big thing. Although they haven’t gone to the same schools, from what they’ve seen, John never beat her at anything except maybe biology once or twice.

“Nah,” Sollux blinked at whatever he was probably cooking and turned the slices around with a spatula (another thing that had been shuffled into John’s luggage, apparently). “I just didn’t do much else except programming and breaking up computers and it was easier to concentrate on that if I already knew what they asked of us at school, so I put in a little more effort for a few months.” He turned off the stove and placed the egg-bread on a paper plate.

“Me too. I mean, especially in high school, I started studying out of boredom. There’s not much to do when all your friends are studying and the internet gets boring.” He watched Sollux pour honey over his masterpiece. “Is that edible?”

As he should have expected, the other gave him an incredulous look, then settled it down. “Of course it is. Why the fuck wouldn’t it be?” He even looked at his plate then, presumably trying to understand what about it struck John as poisonous or something.

“Uh, am...No idea,” he raised his hands peacefully in the air, smiling.

“Right.” Sollux pushed past him and was on his way to his room when he stopped and turned around. “Are you planning on doing your work early or can you help me tear these noobs to pieces?”

Oh. Killing virtual personas of random people was John’s newfound skill, after all. How could he say no? “Only if you turn that noise down, dude.”

“No, I won’t, fuck you. It’s so shitty it’s perfect.” The reply came as they were both squeezing through the door and inside the room.

“You know that shittiness is a circle, right? It may seem so bad it’s good now, but in the end it’ll just turn to shit again.”

“Very poetic of you. Grab my guns.”

“I’m on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also, prepare for the worst.)


	6. In which John discovers tea, buys socks and encounters snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas shopping while three of your friends are born in December is hard.  
> John almost freezes to death in the streets and comes twice drastically near to his heart's desire.  
> Who knows, maybe he had been Dunstan all along, instead of Tristran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends the first part of the story :)  
> Thank you for reading until now ~

You never realise just how small the variety of available presents in your town is until you look for something in particular and you don’t realise how large the same variety is until you don’t have the slightest idea what to buy. Since it was December 1st and, thus, he was already late with his present for Jade and Jake (he was going to give it to them on Christmas, no biggie), but also almost out of time to get Dave something, John was having both of the up-mentioned problems.

He was not going to buy Jade a gun. God knew she had enough already. Same went with Jake. So that left him with no idea whatsoever. As for Dave, well, he was looking for Ghostbusters shirts and Dalek socks. Yes, Dalek socks. He was following his GPS towards a Forbidden Planet shop of sorts at the moment. And then he was overwhelmed.

EB: oh my god, karkat, i don’t know what to get him!!  
EB: it’s like all the best ideas for a present have been thrown in this shop.  
EB: i can’t contain all this nerdiness, karkat.  
EB: it’s got me.   
CG: CALM YOUR SHIT, JOHN. IT HAD YOU LONG AGO.

God bless his almost-smart phone. This blessing ought to be extended also to Karkat, who’s done penpal-y shopping with him for the past many years. John was currently standing in front of a row of DC Comics, just to be safe.

CG: BUT WHATEVER, GO FOR THE MOST EMBARASSING THING THERE IS.   
EB: but it’s all so awesomeeee!!!   
CG: ...FINE. LET ME REPHRASE THAT.  
CG: GET THE BEST THING YOU CAN SEE.

This being said, John pocketed his phone and started going round the shelves and to the miscellaneous area. Oh, sweet Mary and her holy child. He vaguely wondered if he could either buy the entire store and its people or place his duvet under a table and move there. And oh, Lord, those figurines.

EB: do you really think he’d appreciate this gorgeous princess leia action figure accordingly?  
EB: i don’t want to give him such a precious piece if he’s not going to build a shrine for it.   
CG: THEY HAVE THAT OVER THERE?

Yes. The only reason they were having this conversation was because Karkat already knew that John had such a store in his home town. At least some pieces fitted enough not to make his life harder. 

EB: ehh...yeah, but i think they’ve just restocked for the holidays. you should check yours too!   
CG: THANKS. I WILL.

Oh, so he hasn’t been the only one who had explored the new town! Some days he ought to remember that Karkat was just as new to the city as he was. Well, Karkat was probably more used to the weather, but that was all. However, a shiver of an idea rose up John’s spine and he forgot all about the action figures in order to type it.

EB: ahaha. today?   
CG: TODAY WHAT.   
EB: are you going to check it today?   
CG: NO IDEA. MAYBE?

Some expressions really ought not to be had in public, so it was only John’s luck that he was in one of the few safe places on Earth to make the face he was currently making. Deep breath, John. He drummed his fingers on a Captain America volume. Oh, God, why couldn’t he be sure?!!

EB: oh, well then. tell me if you find anything cool, dude!  
EB: okay, got it, dalek socks. i’ll be back later when i find something suitable for the adventure twins.  
EB: what did you get her anyway?   
CG: A BEAD ART STARTER KIT.   
EB: oh my god.

He had to see that live. He just had to. Badly suppressing his giggles, John grabbed the best pair of socks and the T-shirt with the biggest imprint and went to the cash register (he may have or may have not grabbed an Ood T-shirt for himself on the way there too. Christmas present.) This being done, he got out of the sanctuary (with the promise of eventually returning if Karkat told him he got there).

His head had an overload of ‘what if’s and then kind of restarted. Good, the cold was doing his head good. But oh, God, what if Karkat really was going to come there today?! And yes, John was aware he was using too many exclamation points in his thoughts.

Across the street were trees. Dead trees. Christmas trees, he meant. Well, he wasn’t going to buy them a tree, so why was he contemplating their status? He thought of getting them clothes, but Jade had all her wardrobe prepared better than an army camp and the last time he’d bought Jake a pair of long trousers he got two very long blinks and an uncertain smile. God, that had been scary.

Okay so what else. He also didn’t have too much money. Maybe a dog. Yeah, he could spend some of his savings on a dog. But then he remembered the face Bec had everytime he’d seen other canine compatriots, so maybe not.

John now found himself in a tea shop. He turned in an instant towards a door, but then saw the awfully cheap, winterish, promotional price a cup had, so he went to the counter instead. And the cup was pretty tall. Huh.

Oh wow. Back outside, John took a careful sip and then blinked at it. The tea smiled warmly back, content with his success. He took a good mouthful, burning his tongue a little in the process. They’ve all been lying to him. This didn’t taste like medieval medicine at all. This tasted like some awesome juice that had been designed to be good at high temperatures.

The course that morning had really got to his head. Okay, no more scientific analysis of tea. Only drinking now. And still, could he really not take them a tree? How would he even carry that back home? Fine, he got away from the trees.

Along with the weather, John was not used to these soft-ish things called gloves. Sure, he’d heard of them. He had used some when his dad took him to ski, but that was all. Oh, God, where was the snow?! He took a last semi-angry gulp out of his plastic cup and then it was gone. All of it, gone. Farewell, good, warm, herbal liquid. He hoped he’d remember to buy some on his way home.

There were a lot of music stores around him at that moment and, even though he usually would have entered one or two to ‘try’ their pianos (maybe he’d get a keyboard for Christmas so he could bring it back to the apartment, fingers crossed!), this day he went up the street, hoping that something would just gleam and catch his attention in the end. Obviously, he had the experience of three months of looking for Karkat to know that it wasn’t going to happen, but John was an optimist 9 times out of 10.

He glanced at his phone, but Karkat was offline this time. He tried not to think that maybe he was going to the shop right at that moment. Funny as it was, it made his legs wobble a little. Deep breath. He knew it was a bad idea, but he decided not to think of what he was going to do if ten minutes later he’d get a text telling him Karkat was there. No, these things came with adrenaline. He could handle it.

But right now, John exhaled a pale cloud and then looked around. He squinted through his temporarily steamy glasses at the open door of a shop. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. Okay, he went in. He almost tripped over the first step and then tangled slightly in some hanged articles of clothing, but in the end he got out with two bulbous mufflers tightly secured in his backpack. There, he was done.

The text didn’t come anytime soon, though. Actually, it arrived sometime a few hours later, when John was achingly cold all over and debating what bus to take home.

CG: YES, THEY DID RESTOCK HERE TOO.  
CG: BUT WHAT THE HELL WERE THESE PRICES.  
CG: AND NOW SHE MEANS TO TELL ME THAT SHE’S LEFT WHILE I WAS OUT AND TURNED OFF THE HEAT. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS. THERE ARE LITERAL ICICLES ABOVE HER WINDOW, JOHN.   
EB: ah, wow.  
EB: let me get home too and you can tell me all about it.

“Aaurgh,” said John eloquently at the dark sky as he collapsed into the frozen bus station bench. Then he proceeded to drop his head in his icy hands and ruffle his hair ferociously enough to convince himself not to pull it out.

 

For how empty their fridge had been for the past two weeks, John was now distinctly aware of its white walls. From the almost nothing they had before, something was missing. He moved the milk around one more time, but there was still nothing behind it. Uh. okay. He went to the lonely cupboard and, with an expression of fatherly impatience (the worst kind), he peered inside. Aw, hell no. His face adopted the horror such a situation demanded. The noodles were gone. He was going to kill Sollux as soon as he caught him with his guard down.

The past few months meant the longest period ever that John’s ever been away. Not even that time when somebody had given him peanuts in kindergarten and he had to stay in the hospital had lasted this long. During this period, before leaving home, John had believed he would never get homesick. This had been proven wrong the moment he’d set foot in this city. Then, he thought he would never get over his homesickness. That had also been proven wrong, since he had some really nice days too.

And still, after this entire learning experience, after three whole months of haunting the city streets, John had still to master the art of using the subway. Well, in the end, he had troubles getting himself a sandwich at Subway, so he didn’t really understand why the real thing wouldn’t give him a hard time too.

And why was there no heating, oh my god! Okay, he was alright. No need to scream internally while using the underground at 8 pm. Also, the badonka-donk of the train was making him sleepy. 

However, on this fine evening, instead of going to the market two blocks away, he had decided that he would practice his subway skills. So he went to the north-western side of the city. And then back to the south, but farther away. He changed the line and went south-east. Then he visited the central station. 

Then he lost track of the map and got out in the north-eastern quarter. Well, he had been around there, but not that far north. Of course, he knew that walking alone after dusk was never a good idea, but he had heard that the weather was going to be warmer that night (even though, on his way to the station, it didn’t seem likely) and also, maybe they had better apples on this parts.

When he got to the top of the stairs, though, John’s eyes grew wide, almost wide enough to outgrow his glasses and he stood there, looking at the street, then at the sky, then at the street again. In defence of the weather man, it could be said that the temperature was slightly higher than when John had descended underground. He, however, did not have the time to be preoccupied by that. In that moment, John Egbert was gaping soundlessly at the snow. 

There was a thin layer already on the ground, thin enough that you could still see the cement underneath, but the flakes were visibly growing larger as time passed, so it could be said that it was the perfect almost-first snow. Some of it landed on his glasses, but he paid it no attention as he walked slowly along the street’s length. He kept on doing that for half an hour, by which time his hair was damp and coated in lazy, fat snowflakes. To say he was giddy would have been an understatement.

But then he started getting cold and he really wanted to make a snow angel or something like that, so he figured the sooner he got home (and to the more private yard, so people wouldn’t eye him strangely), the better. So he went inside this store he had passed by a few minutes before.

And as soon as he was inside and surrounded by warmer air, he fished his phone out and dialled Jade’s number. She was worthy enough to find out about this first. Too bad she didn’t pick up. Bluh!

Going on. He didn’t really know what he was looking for, but he had a vague suspicion that he was not going to find it in the ladies’ aisle. Oh, wow, people used that? Okay, John ought to move along now. Enough staring at dubious hygiene articles.

On he went to the more edible things when his phone buzzed. Yay! “Hello, Jade!” he ducked a few old ladies in order to get to the vegetables. 

It was funny. Judging from the darkness outside, John had imagined a post-apocalyptic situation or at least something like that scene in _Blindness_ in which Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo, along with the others, got back to the real world and people were killing themselves over food provisions, but the store turned out to be pretty okay.

“Hi! You sound happy.” She was going to say something more, but John beat her to it.

“It’s snowing!” he held the telephone with his shoulder as he opened a plastic bag and then started choosing red apples.

Jade let out a cute squeal on her part. “Finally! Oh, why did it have to start only when I’m gone?” he could hear her pout right from the other side of the country. Five apples seemed like enough. Not even Sollux could eat that much greenery. Or so he hoped. He hadn’t tried him with fresh ingredients.

“Yes, I know... But maybe I can smuggle you in after New Year’s, if it’ll last until then, what do you say?” A serving of noodles too. Yes, that was good.

Her laugh made him smile at a yogurt bottle. “Yes, definitely. You don’t think you can make some with science for us too, do you? This winter is so boring!”

John giggled as he thought over the decision to buy a large bottle of orange juice too. He hoped they had larger bags on sale. “I can try. But it’s so amazing, Jade! It’s even better than that time your grandparents took us to Canada for a week and there was ice everywhere.”

“You were the only one who enjoyed that week, John.” Okay, he reminded himself he was still trying to save money if possible. He got in line and it was pretty okay, only two people in front of him. Even if the first lady had bought a house and a half. He was lucky the other one appeared to only have a couple of things. Bluh, why weren’t more cash registers open? It was still early!

“No way! It was mighty fun!” he grinned and glanced over the bubblegum varieties.

Jade chuckled. “Only because you had a new tool to use in your pranks, though!”

Finally, the lady was done. As the other one advanced, he kept his own items on the ready. “You can’t blame me. It was practically talking to me, begging me to use its wonderful, slippery qualities.”

“No, you were just an evil kid.” After a short pause in which the one in front checked all his pockets, John was quietly asked if he could spare some change. As the kindergarten teacher said: one good deed a day. John filled his bucket. He’d done one good thing, bless his coins.

“Was not,” he handed his items to the cashier afterwards. But he could not find his money with only one hand too, unfortunately. “Uh, but I have to go, Jade. Talk to you when I get home.”

“Okay, don’t let that snow go to waste.” Obviously not. That was a thing he was especially not going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh John.  
> John John John.  
> You shouldn't give all your change to...strangers.  
> Good boy, nevertheless.


	7. In which Karkat doesn’t have coins, isn’t allowed to sleep and eats Cheerios

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat should know better than not to take coins with him while going to the store.  
> He also makes an important decision. Dun dun dun.  
> Also, for some reasons, he likes to think he doesn't like cats...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are gathered here to welcome the second part of the story in our village of lost souls.  
> No, it's not the last part, do you think I'm crazy?  
> Anyway.  
> Prepare to start missing John and...enjoy!

Karkat was a young man who only knew that he hated coins that evening. Seriously, it was really fucking neat of them to disappear exactly when he needed them most. Nothing new there. It wasn’t as if coins were that different from people. Thank whatever lord in the skies above that there still were good Samaritans around him (aka, the guy behind him in line).

Nevertheless. Once outside, the first thing he observed was the cold, and then the fact that his shoes were already half-covered in snow. He had no idea why he had any hope that there would be no snow in this city when he moved in the fall. It wasn’t as if it was that far from his hometown. Or, well, whatever town he had lived in for two years before graduating high school.

His last trace of optimism about taking the bus had also been diminished once he saw the traffic jam at the end of the street. Typical. Give people a few centimetres of snow and they freak out worse than if it was the Apocalypse and Horsemen rode over their heads. Therefore, he settled for walking back to Rose’s apartment. Which was dumb too, since he had went out in sweatpants, which were already soggy from the snow. He really had to cease complaining. It was only one stop.

Holding his fresh cinnamon rolls tightly to his chest, he hurried back on as many side-streets as he knew, every now and then trying in vain to pull his damp fringe out of his face. Needless to say, his hands froze relatively quickly. He gave the cat at the bottom of the stairs the nasty eye and then went up the stairs with the speed of a rolling armadillo.

And the apartment still smelt of spices. “Lovely weather,” he heard as soon as he closed the front door behind him and started pulling off his wet shoes.

The tragedy, Karkat had remarked soon after his relocation a few months ago, was that here, most of the times the other talked, unless over the phone, the words were addressed to him. If he ever missed anything about home, it was the out-of-this-world skills of his relatives to ignore his presence. Good times.

However, as a response, he huffed. “Did you return victorious?” the girl came to watch him from the living room’s doorway, handling her mug of decaffeinated coffee like it was some rare nourishment.

“As you have very well observed already,” he threw the bag of rolls at her and got back to the aggravating job of unzipping his jacket. “Goddammit, this old piece of shit.”

Rose watched the rest of the show with a connoisseur’s eye and, when he was done, she handed him back his treasure. “No more chats for tonight?”

“No, I have to finish that book,” he mumbled and shook his head to get rid of the remaining snow.

“See you at breakfast, then. Good night,” she gave him a small smile and took a sip of her drink.

Karkat gave up on resembling a human being. “’Night,” he agreed and disappeared into his bedroom.

After just one look at this room one could see that someone had got the short stick out of the deal and it clearly wasn’t Karkat. For once, the rent he had made sure Rose made him pay couldn’t have afforded him even a room half as big as this one in the suburbs. On top of that, the heating was working smoother than a Hollywood plastic surgeon.

Grabbing a cinnamon roll out of the paper bag with one hand and a book from the _shelf_ (what did he say about living conditions? Back home, he used cardboard boxes.), Karkat crawled back into bed, opting to ignore the clamminess of his sweatpants until it would eventually go away. As for the book, the deadline wasn’t really tomorrow, but, since it wasn’t like he had to work too much on other subjects for college (the perks of choosing a Literature major), he’d figured out he could do at least as much.

That, however, did not mean that he appreciated the slight sogginess of his _food_. Damned snow. He vaguely entertained the idea of complaining a bit before starting to read, but he then remembered how animated John used to get when he as much as insinuated the presence of icy flakes outside his house. All the same, he chose right and he chose to just fucking start reading.

Which ultimately meant falling asleep two hours later and 20 pages away from the ending. He was awoken at some point by a soft ding in his cell phone. Why did he always forget it under the pillow? Good God.

GG: stop sleeping!!!  
GG: geez karkat, its before midnight.  
GG: wake up, we have serious business to discuss!!

With a sound of exasperation, he got a hold of his bangs with one hand and looked at the phone. Uh, light. Of all the people who could have bothered him at this time... How did she even know he was sleeping?

CG: JESUS, WHAT IS IT?   
GG: finally!!  
GG: i know its early for this  
GG: but here you have an official invitation to our house for christmas (!!!)  
GG: well to johns dads, but it makes no difference.

He took the phone closer to the lamp light, checking the message without having the screen burn his eyes out. For a moment, his eyebrows relaxed from their frown well enough to let him look surprised. Then, confused.

CG: UH   
GG: what is that supposed to mean???   
CG: IT MEANS GIVE ME A FUCKING MINUTE.   
GG: siiiiigh. fine

He glared at the flowery pattern on the opposite wall (old building, what did you expect?). It wasn’t as if he had anything to do or anywhere to go for Christmas. No, the point was that he had spent half an hour last month convincing his parents not to drag him back home for holidays. If he didn’t want to spend it with his family, he damn well sure didn’t want to spend it with someone else’s. That settled it.

CG: NOPE. NO CAN DO.  
CG: THE STARS AREN’T IN ALIGNMENT AND ALL THAT SHIT AND I HAVE SCHOOL WORK TO DO.   
GG: pfff what, write a book?  
GG: omg, don’t tell me you have to READ one!  
GG: oh no, karkat :O  
GG: that must be sooo hard on you, i totally understand...   
CG: DON’T BE A DOUCHE.   
GG: oh, please, youre one to talk!   
CG: OKAY, FINE.  
CG: BUT I’M STILL NOT COMING.   
GG: ... :(

Further sleep compromised, he went back to the thing he was actually supposed to be doing. It was a good thing Karkat didn’t hate books like he thought he hated people. It would have made his life in college a lot harder. The next ding came when he was a few pages away from the ending, so he ignored it until he was done.

GG: okay then, i talked to kanaya  
GG: i don’t know if johns told you, but she invited us over for new years  
GG: you know, since she is actually okay with meeting us from time to time??  
GG: do you want to come there?  
GG: just us five.

Well, that sounded better, even though he wasn’t looking forward to Terezi’s reminiscences about their first ‘meeting’. It was an awful thing, not being able to say ‘no’ right away. But he was, in fact, a little curious. Not looking forward to conversations or fun or staying for a few days with a bunch of people he actually, if not liked, then at least tolerated, but curious to see these people in the flesh. Maybe just so that he could be sure he hadn’t been talking to not-so-smart computers this whole time.

CG: OKAY, WHEN IS IT?   
GG: when is new years??   
CG: NO, GEEZ. WHEN DO I HAVE TO BE THERE?   
GG: oh, let me check.   
GG: on the 30th so we can catch up before the party?

“...party?” Karkat let the word roll in his head for a while as he let go of his hair. Drapes drawn. Good night.

GG: is that okay with you?   
CG: I GUESS.   
GG: great! but youve got to keep your mouth shut  
GG: i want johns present to be a surprise.

He blew forcefully on his fringe so he could briefly see the buttons again. Some people tend to have that subtle feeling of hopeless fear when something bad is about to happen. Maybe their hair stands up or they get weird shivers. Karkat was one of them, but his presentiment of doom was usually brought only by the sudden need to take a deep breath.

CG: WHAT PRESENT.

“Please, don’t say it,” he mumbled in his pillow, though his fist was already making faint attempts at punching his head.

GG: you, duh!!!  
GG: :D

“What the fuck did I say,” the pillow was addressed again.

CG: WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT  
CG: THE IDIOCY RADAR JUST HIT MAXIMUM LEVELS.  
CG: I MUST BACK AWAY THIS INSTANT.   
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

That ought to teach her. He changed into bed clothes and threw the covers over himself while mumbling the entire time. As always, he planned on thinking as little as possible about what he had just agreed to. Of course he knew he was going to fail at it, but it was the thought that mattered, or so somebody not very bright used to say before dying a horrible death. As one of his friends used to say in these situations, ‘bluh’. He held the spare pillow tighter to his chest.

 

Karkat had a beautiful relationship with his mornings. Each day usually started with him bumping at least twice into his desk or chair or bed, then shouting at the shower as he still failed to remember that its faucet was put backwards and, sometime before the first hour of sunlight passed, trudging into the kitchen. Rose had granted him with a full cupboard only to himself and he had taken the chance to fill it to the brim with cereals. One full cupboard lasted him, let’s say, a month. If he skipped breakfast or dinner from time to time.

This way, today, like almost every other day, Rose found him at the kitchen table, drowning the honeyed circles in cold milk. Although he had complained only a few times (he didn’t want to overdo it for the risk of not being believed anymore) about his situation, Karkat, in fact, couldn’t shake off the feeling that, on his death bed, he was going to be asked to pay for his living conditions in college. 

After all, it wasn’t like Rose really needed a roommate. This was another thing Karkat did not understand. Since she had moved out in order to get away from her twin brothers (there was only so much her patience could endure), he really failed to see the point of letting him move in. To his colossal astonishment, though, he proved not to be that bad of a roommate in the end. If one got over his mumbling to himself and occasional break-downs, he meant. Shit, he even knew how to moderately cook.

He started on his breakfast before she had the chance to stop him. Not that she ever did that, but a bit of paranoia was always welcomed in his mind. “Good morning,” she said five minutes later, after she had prepared her cup of coffee and finally took a seat.

“Mmhm,” he took the spoon out of his mouth, but only in order to fill it again.

She was sipping contently from her morning drink and looking at the window. “It hadn’t stopped snowing since yesterday. Be careful on your way back, they may close some streets.”

The spoon joined the last two mouthfuls in the bowl and remained there. “Already? What the fuck did they do all night? They should have cleared the place up until now.” Damned snow vehicles, never doing their work on time. “Besides, it didn’t look that bad last night.”

The girl leant her head in her hand and took another sip. “It got to the borderline of a snow storm at 3 am.”

“What the hell were you doing up at 3 am?” he was moving the soggy cereals around by now.

She shrugged. “Writing.”

“God.”

“What time do you get home today?” she went on like that, completely ignoring the change-of-subject policy.

Okay, the bowl asked for it. He downed it in one go. “Afternoon, maybe after two.” Just to prove the authenticity of what had been said before, he went to the sink and washed it.

“Don’t let the present my brother sent me scare you, then,” she smiled and it made him uneasy.

He gulped. “Which one?” Brother, of course he meant brother.

“Wouldn’t it be safer for you not to know?” Oh, God, damn that smug expression!

“Fine, I won’t touch anything as long as it doesn’t touch me. I’m going.” From what she’d said, getting to the other side of the city would be tough. No harm done in leaving early.

“Let the cat inside as you go,” she smiled after him. Yeah, like _that_ was going to happen. 

However, once dressed and having successfully opened the building’s front door (where the fuck was the rest of the snow? He was continuously being lied to.), it was hard to close it back again in front of those yellow eyes. The cat was fucking dripping wet, how did it manage to look so cheery at the same time? He failed miserably and basically shooed it inside the building.


	8. In which Karkat gets free Kit Kats and attends Movie Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk had wanted to give her Easter Eggs.  
> Dave considered Twix bars were too precious to waste.  
> Fancy things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, boy.  
> This story should be shorter now.  
> Hopefully.

Rose had gotten an entire box of Kit Kats. That was it. That was the present. The two of them stood around the coffee table in the living room and looked at its contents for minutes. Every now and then, Karkat would glance up at her face to see if she was close to having a breakdown. Fat chance. Obviously, she was assembling a master plan. An evil one.

“Karkat?”

“Hmm?” he asked, lime eyes fixed on the open box now and teeth gnawing at his chapped lower lip.

“What’s the most expensive brand of pear juice you know?” he’d be damned if her voice didn’t sound like crypts being closed underground at that moment. All that was missing was for her to talk in all caps.

He shrugged, quite self-consciously, rubbing his elbow and trying not to imagine dark whirls or air gathering around the room. He failed.

“No matter, we’ll find out and buy a pack of it tomorrow.” As he attempted to look at her again, she gave him a wicked grin and left the box untouched as she went back to the couch. Karkat remained pointing forlornly at the present. “You can have it.”

“Thanks.” After all, she never ate chocolate. 

Moving as quickly as he could without seeming in a total hurry, Karkat grabbed the box and jogged down the hallway to his room. Once there, he closed the lid and shoved it under a bookshelf. Now he had winter _and_ exam supplies. Someone was smiling down on him.

Then he ducked underneath his desk and grabbed his notes on Shakespearean literature, brought his knees to his chest and started reading them then and there. Anyone who claimed that he was small could just fuck off. He wasn’t either small or short. It was the desk which was huge.

His almost serene studying was interrupted only by a high mew coming from above. His unimpressed gaze landed on the bookshelf opposite him. He drew in a sharp breath, then let it out. “Rose!” 

A grey figure descended from the desk above him and landed near his feet, then started purring and rubbing on his thigh. A small, amused hum was heard from outside. “Why is the fucking cat inside again? Fuck. Why is it in my room?!”

As the undersized feline blinked with amber eyes at him, he couldn’t believe how naive he’d been to think the mere disappearance of Jaspers would stop the girl from bringing in another lost soul.

“He seems to like it better in there,” he heard Rose and growled at her audible smug grin.

Of course, were he younger, Karkat would have ranted about throwing the cat out the window or practicing taxidermy on it. Were he younger still, he would have probably even attempted to throw it out. But now, 19, tired, hungry and bored, Karkat only let the creature crawl beside him. Some things could just not be avoided.

 

Quite unexpectedly, an intriguing studying session about Shakespeare’s works had turned into a profound reading on literary criticism that had involved serious scribbling, a couple broken pens and a scared cat running out of the room as the contents of a backpack had been dropped upon its back. It was fine, though. Karkat only had a few more finals to go through and then he could relax and maybe stay in his room for a few weeks and...yeah, that was, pretty much, it.

The ending of this activity had been marked by the dark marine blue room being consumed by sudden silence as Karkat’s breathing form lay spread over a dozen tightly-scribbled sheets of paper. He was alive, but barely breathing. Well, not really. He was just fine, maybe a little melodramatic. 

As he got up, gathering his notes along with him, he placed them on the desk (he had obviously knocked his head on it upon sitting up, duh) and then and only then did he get his promised cinnamon roll. No, fuck that, he took both of them. No one read Macbeth four times in order to be rewarded with only one sorry roll. 

Managing with unexpected grace not to bite on his hair as well as the pastry, he climbed up in his (by comparison) soft bed and brought his laptop back to life. Damn, was food good after only having breakfast that day.

Not having anything to disturb him, he went on with the usual routine. Wi-Fi connected, Pesterchum and, thus, John’s window, opened, movie folder on display. If he was to start right then, he would get to watch one and also get a formidable good night’s sleep. That was exactly why he chose not to try that and settled for waiting for John to say something. He would eventually do so. He always did. Well, mostly always.

...

Fuck that, Karkat did not have time for waiting. Neither did his second cinnamon whirl.

CG: HEY JOHN.  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS ON MAKING THE SMART CHOICE OF STAYING OFF THE COMPUTER FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS, SINCE I ASSUME YOU HAD BEEN THROWN HEADFIRST INTO THE CRYPTOBAFFLING MIND FUDDLERY THAT WE MORTALS CALL EXAMS.  
CG: I ADMIT, THIS WAS A GREATER DISPLAY OF MATURITY THAN I HAD EXPECTED OF YOU.

Perfect. Inconspicuous and neat. Getting his hands relatively out of his long sleeves, he started eating again. One part of him wondered whether he still had a water supply underneath his bed. He hoped so. It wasn’t good to get out of his room while Rose was making evil plans. He ought to tell Kanaya to talk to her, now that they knew each other. Damn, they were the best example of soul mates if Karkat ever saw one. And he had a lot of cinematographic experience to be able to tell.

EB: ...  
EB: is this your allegorical way of saying you’ve missed me?  
EB: missed you too, karkat!  
CG: NO WHAT

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he chanted and smashed the keyboard as he typed an address in the search engine.

EB: but yeah, wow. i guess it was as exciting as it was scary.  
EB: i’m not done yet, but i think i did okay until now, how about you?

There it was. If he was not to be granted the chance to watch a movie, he deserved at least an episode of sorts. Uh, now while it loaded, he had to deal with this thing over here.

CG: CAN’T TELL. THEY DON’T HAVE ANY SCIENTIFIC FORMULAS TO CORRECT OUR RESPONSES BY HERE, SO I CAN BE ANYTHING FROM THE GUY THEY’VE JUST PHONED THE CLOSEST MENTAL INSTITUTE TO ASK ABOUT AND FOR WHOM THEY MAY BE PREPARING A SOLITARY ROOM JUST AS WE SPEAK TO THE ONE THAT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE LITERARY CRITICISM THROUGH SHEER UNIVERSE-BOOSTING FREE WILL.  
CG: I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO WAIT TO BE DONE WITH THEM TOO AND THEN YOU’LL KNOW, IF I START DOING A THEATRICAL IMPRESSION OF NOT GIVING A FUCK, THAT I FAILED. 

Stop. He looked over the grey half-wall of text. He rolled his eyes.

CG: OR WHATEVER.  
EB: hehe, you’re getting rusty, dude!  
CG: LET’S JUST SAY THAT PAST ME HAD MORE TIME TO PREPARE HIS ENDLESS TIRADES OF RESENTMENT TOWARDS THE ENTIRE WORLD THAN I DO RIGHT NOW.  
CG: AND ABOVE THAT, PAST ME WAS A DUMB FUCK, SO LET’S NOT ATTEMPT TO FOLLOW IN HIS STEPS RIGHT NOW, ELSE WE’LL FIND OURSELVES FALLING ASS BACKWARDS INTO OUR OWN REFUSE.  
EB: aw, don’t be that hard on past you  
EB: he had his good parts too.

He was not going to listen to that cheerful crap right now. It was a known fact that he had got used to John being part ingénue, part trickster over the years. How did that combination even work? It was also known, although not said in as many words (okay, not said in any words) that he sometimes got very close to enjoying it. But that did not mean he had to accept that fact himself. He was merciful enough to let it exist on its own.

Fortunately, John’s studies in self-esteem issues or whatever the fuck Karkat had been diagnosed with over the years gave him enough experience for a long lecture. This way, Karkat had been able to enjoy almost an entire episode without saying a word. 

 

A couple exams later (and thus, at the beginning of something he could call the winter holiday), Karkat was sitting cross-legged on the less impressive couch in the living room, eating a white chocolate Kit Kat and not doing anything at all. He was mostly killing time until the clock hit 3 o’clock, so he would have to move his ass to work.

The tapestry was silently judging him, he could tell, as his eyes peered over a stupid reality show. He changed the channel to BBC and looked at Canadian snow. That was more socially acceptable? What the fuck was wrong with the world?

Either way, he didn’t have much time left to go. Earlier in autumn, he had found a decent enough job in a shopping centre on the western side of the city. It wasn’t that hard to get there, as long as the subway worked at decent capacity and, even though the place was more social than necessary, Karkat guessed he could be doing worse jobs than folding clothes. So many clothes. 

At least they kept his hands busy. The hard part was when it was his turn to play cashier. He hadn’t bit his tongue so much to keep his mouth shut for years. Rose had once thought she had the right to be funny and told him that it was a good skill he was learning by doing that. But fuck Rose. She was above mortals like him and couldn’t understand.

Once the right hour arrived on the screen, Karkat kicked his feet off the couch and fought his way into some outside clothes. The cat was waiting for him in the grey hallway and he scowled at its mewl as he shifted past and hurried down the stairs. It followed him, but no further than the entrance door. Heh. Smart stupid cat.

The district Rose had bought her apartment in was probably one of the quietest in the entire city, if one didn’t count the outskirts. There were no business buildings with thousands of employees on the ready to throttle him on the streets at noon, the skyscrapers started a few streets away, plenty enough not to attract too many people this far and, yes, there were no giant shopping centres around. At least not on this street. Still, it was close enough to the city centre. When lucky, he could get there in less than an hour.

Their neighbours usually poured from the 10-storey, grey or cream-coloured buildings one could see all around them and they usually disappeared relatively quickly. They had cars, after all. Karkat was just sulking after his bike. He didn’t dare try it on this snow just yet. Still.

Five subway stops later, the return to the surface surprised him with a rare sight. “Sun,” he spat the word like a curse and shielded his eyes a little as he pushed his way down the street. 

No more of the silent residential area here. Now, it was a battle for survival and his weapons were a pair of semi-short arms and blunt nails. He would not survive for long. Still, his workplace was only a block away. Even if that meant he had to go straight in the heart of the pulsing shoppers and businessmen. Working on Oxford Street would have felt very familiar to this, he thought.

There was a strict phone policy at work, if anything else lacked strictness (like the fact that they let women buy those outfits, oh my god, he was surely going to die if tomorrow they’d buy the same amount of neon shirts). Well, it wasn’t like anybody really called Karkat all that often (except Egbert, but he was texting. Always texting, that bastard!), so he had barely blinked while hearing about it.

By the will of some merciful God, he was appointed in the men’s section today and not only was it more silent, but it also spared his eyes from seeing all those colours. So, for a few hours, he flaunted the khaki company shirt around, every now and then rearranging a cardigan or, mostly, showing people the way to the changing rooms. He was so bored he couldn’t even contemplate how depressing his life was, alone on the upper floor.

Upon taking his leave for a relatively short “lunch” break before finishing his last hour of the day, Karkat tried his best not to leave the surrounding area. He hadn’t even put his coat on, since the food was across the street. Only one wide, jammed street and two overflowing sidewalks and he was there. Yeah. Only that.

He got there, but almost lost a foot and he was more or less trembling. Still, there was food here. And warm drinks. Oh, God, warm drinks. Once settled down on a stool with his small meal, he did his first mistake of the day, which was...pretty good, judging from the fact that it was almost 6 pm. That being said, he opened his phone.

EB: bon appétit.  
EB: hehehe  
CG: YES, VERY CLEVER INDEED. CONGRATS ON LOOKING AT THE CLOCK.  
EB: thanks, karkat! such a good friend.  
CG: IT’S MY JOB.  
EB: careful, that’s actually right. you’re employed as my full-time friend.

Karkat thought his next reply and choked on his sandwich. Fucking Egbert and his inappropriate lyric quotes. He regained his breath after downing some of his coffee.

CG: AND YOUR PART-TIME EXECUTIONER.  
EB: that’s not how the lyrics go :(

“Are you fucking serious?” he hissed under his breath and abstained from taking another mouthful of food just yet.

EB: uh, wow, right, that was unintentional.  
CG: RIGHT. DID YOU WANT SOMETHING?  
EB: yeah, actually!   
EB: i wanted to talk to you about the thing.  
CG: THE WHAT.

He was a bad friend, but he instantly thought that Harley had tripped over her feet into sincerity. Which was...highly probable. Still, maybe not.

EB: you know...  
EB: the thing that’s going to happen this holiday?  
EB: come on, karkat, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already!

Shit, he knew. Shit, why did it matter? Shit, was he going to be blamed for it? Shit, what difference did it make if John knew whether they would meet or not when they were certainly going to?

CG: WHY THE FUCK DID SHE TELL YOU.  
CG: WHAT HAPPENED WITH ALL THAT MORONIC TALK OF “NO, KARKAT, WE MUST NOT TELL JOHN, HIS THINK PAN MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO BEAR ALL THE EXCITEMENT THAT COMES WITH THINKING OF ALL FIVE OF US HANGING AROUND IN AN IMBECILE-FRENZIED CIRCLE OF GLITTERY FRIENDHIP”??  
CG: THERE ARE HARDLY OVER TWO WEEKS LEFT, IS NOTHING EASY?  
EB: i knew it.

Just his luck. He choked on his last bit of sandwich too. One way or another, this idiot was going to be the death of him. After all, it seemed rather fitting for a life as lame as his to end with a report bearing the words “death by John Egbert”. Obviously.

CG: WHAT.  
EB: i knew you guys were planning something.  
CG: THEN WHY DID YOU JUST  
CG: YOU FUCKING SHIT.  
EB: remember, you are talking with the master trickster.  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: JADE’S GOING TO KILL ME.  
EB: don’t worry, i won’t let her harm you, karkat.  
EB: i’ll protect you.  
CG: NOT IF I BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR SPINE FIRST.  
CG: IT WOULD BE A MERCY KILLING.  
EB: hehe, that’s no way of talking to your charming knight!  
EB: so we’re going to meet this time?  
EB: like, for real? are you going to come over, karkat? i should tell dad to bake more cakes, though that’s hardly necessary...  
CG: NO, SHITHEAD, I THOUGHT YOU AT LEAST KNEW YOU WERE VISITING KANAYA.  
CG: DOES SHE EVEN FUCKING CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR, I DON’T GET THIS. 

Wonders never ceased. Karkat rolled his eyes as he finished his drink and looked at the clock. Just on time, he had less than ten minutes to go.

EB: ohhhh  
EB: wow, that’s really neat! can’t wait to meet you, karkat!  
EB: there’s also something i’ve got to tell you, so it’s really good that i’ll be able to say it face to face now.

Okay, that was disturbing. Something turned in on itself in his stomach, just the way his insides usually did when he felt close to death. Fuck, what was going to be dropped on him this time? The worst bit was that he couldn’t imagine any possibility at the moment. Well, he could, but that didn’t mean he was ready to acknowledge it. Fucking hormones. Back to work.

 

Fridays. God fucking damn it.

“That one?” she pointed with a spoon.

“No.”

“ _That_ one?”

“For fuck’s sake, no!” he flailed his hands in the exact manner that she had wanted him to and then cussed again, this time toward himself. “I know you’re not stupid, Rose, so stop pretending already.”

She took another spoonful of crème brûlée. “I agree. I was just checking to see if you really don’t want to show off your knowledge.”

“Not all of us enjoy being smart-asses,” he grumbled and stabbed the custard. Whoever had invented movie Friday had been an idiot. And both of them still were for not breaking tradition.

“At least I’m picking next time,” she leaned more into his right side and dipped her spoon again.

Lucky him he was left-handed. “Yeah? And what will that be?”

Her expression was blank. “ _Cloud Atlas_.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Truthfully, neither watching _One Day_ was that bad. Karkat had been underestimating Anne Hathaway until now. He didn’t really know why. Maybe because he had bad memories about the time he tried to watch _The Devil Wears Prada_ , involving idiots bursting into his room and not getting out.

However, he was still afraid of Rose’s picks. It wasn’t all that befitting to start crying during the first hour. She had made him re-watch _Mr. Nobody_ , for God’s sake! Above all, Karkat felt that a wicked part of her just waited for him to choose _The Notebook_. Nu-uh. Not happening.

That one, he had already seen along with Jade and John one time (everyone in their respective homes and live-texting, obviously) and it had ended in deep virtual (or not so much) puddles of hiccupped tears as Jade laughed at them both. Nobody admitted the crying, but it was still nasty to know she was right.

The ending of their movie caught them with a large, empty bowl in between their thighs, two drained bottles of expensive-as-fuck pear juice and two empty glasses of whiskey that had not been all that full to begin with. That addition was not a particularly smart one, but at least it made sure that they won’t stay awake for another movie afterwards. 

And no falling asleep on the couch. Nope. As surprising as it may have sounded to some, Karkat Vantas was still pretty much male. He did not want to wake to groping boobs or whatever else there was to grope. That thought alone sent shivers up his spine. And not even the good kind. To be frank, he had already guessed that he ought to feel better than this when a girl was, like in this case, effectively pressed to his side.

...

Thank God he did not.

Also, his experience told him Rose probably wanted somebody else to grope for boobs. Oh, God, why was he still thinking about groping?!

Talking about hypotheses. “Um,” was all he said as Rose got up to place the bowl on the coffee table.

“Hmm?” she took off her headband, letting some longer strands of platinum hair fall towards her face.

This was probably the best situation he could even find her in for asking her what he wanted to. For once, she was in her pyjamas (that, to everyone’s surprise, did not exhibit any lace or silk bits), which basically meant she was wearing a _T-shirt_ and that was a miracle in its own. And twice, looking around the now slightly dishevelled hair, she did not even have the psychiatrist look on her face. Must have been the lack of make-up. All in all, perfectly harmless.

Karkat exhaled for quite a long time. Every word was a horrendous effort. “Do you want to talk about something?” Yeah, that was such a good question!

Rose smiled as she arranged her hair back and out of her face. It looked so _silky_. “What about?” Lime eyes stared at her face until it cracked. “What?” she let out a forced breathy chuckle. There, caught her.

He sank deeper into the couch and crossed his arms again. “Well, uh...” He needed to be a professional now. “I know you’re going away for Christmas and all that, so you won’t come there, but weren’t you planning on visiting her sometime anyway?”

It took mere seconds for apprehension to come into her eyes. “Oh. Yes, but...that was months ago.”

“So?”

“I haven’t found the right time gap for both of us, so we postponed it. We haven’t talked about it in a while...” 

Gosh, why were all the people around Karkat so stupid? He vaguely wondered whether they had a bad impact on his mind or his own stupidity had transmitted to them. No, it was impossible, he at least hoped he hadn’t had enough to give them all.

She glanced at him. “Karkat.”

“What?” she ought to be expecting that frown. She deserved it and a lot more. To live under the same roof with him and deal (or, better said, _not_ deal) with such frivolous problems. Oh, the humanity.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she grinned, but it quickly subsided in something less confident. Such a rare sight. “I’m going to talk to her, okay?”

His eyes closed and opened and regarded her unsympathetically. Then he looked around the room for her phone and pointed at it. “Now.”

“It’s late...” Ha! Late! Late for emotional matters! Right!

“Call her now or so help me...”

He gritted his teeth, for the sake of this forgetting about his fake paranoia of being kicked out and whatever else might have stopped him before. This was important and it was about his friends and he would not allow this shit to happen.

And what do you know...it worked.

With only a small roll of her eyes, Rose eventually conceded and pushed herself off the couch. And since he was too overjoyed with his very much hoped, but less expected triumph, Karkat returned to his room soon after making sure Kanaya picked up on the call.

He may or may not have fist pumped the air once he was out of sight in the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no, NO idea how much I had to freak out before making Karkat's eyes lime-green. Because blood castes and all that shit and ugh ugh this is not even relevant to the plot.  
> There was a lot of freaking out taking place.  
> So...throw stones if you want.  
> (he's still pretty.)


	9. In which Karkat goes Christmas shopping and receives a phone call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sing-a-ma-jigs are good.  
> So is pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's any consolation, I HAD written part of this at Christmas.  
> Even if it's a month late...

On the first day of official holiday, Karkat was sleeping face-down on one of his pillows. This fact did not stop him from somewhat hugging it too, however. In his terms, what he was doing right now was oversleeping. In the holiday’s terms, he was a normal, tired boy. But then, not a lot after 10 o’clock, his phone began to ring. And what a glorious vibrating tune that one was. Lucky he was home alone at the moment, else it would have scared somebody. Okay, maybe not Rose, but _metaphorically_ , it would have had scared someone.

Not quite raising his head, Karkat felt his way to the phone at the foot of his bed, in his open bag. “Who in the name of my sweet, almighty, non-given fuck are you?” he mumbled, half into the phone and half into his pillow.

“My pleasure to hear from you too, Karkat,” the voice at the other end said and made him open his eyes fully and then cringe at the light in his room.

With great effort, he turned on his back and frowned naturally at the ceiling. “Kanaya? What the...how late is it?” he took the phone from his ear to look at the clock. Oh, okay, it was morning. “What’s going on?”

He thought he could hear a soft twinkle of bells on the other end. “I didn’t want to risk disturbing you during your exam session those last few weeks, but Rose told me yesterday you were done.”

“Uh-huh.” Lime eyes squinted at the un-drawn drapes on either side of his window and he went over there. He was done. Done and finished and fucking dead and if somebody even mentioned Chaucer around him one more time, he would flip his shit and go on a killing spree with a rake.

“How are you?” Kanaya concluded.

He was currently looking at one man from the opposite building as he was brushing the snow off his car. Damn, that was a lot of snow. “I’m good,” he said quietly, still watching the one in the street.

“Are you sure?” Oh, God, she was starting to use her mom-voice. Everyone had a mom-voice these days. Shit, even him.

Karkat rolled his eyes overdramatically, regardless of the fact that he was in a situation when nobody could have seen him. “Yes? Why did you call anyway?”

“I thought asking about your state of being was enough of a reason.”

He turned and climbed back into his bed and then dragged the blanket around himself. “Well, you woke me up, so you’d better find a better one quick.”

It took her a few moments. “I heard you’ve agreed to attend our humble reunion.”

“Yes,” he rubbed his face mercilessly, cleaning the remaining bit of sleep off. “Yes. I said I would, so I will. Can’t imagine why it’s such a big deal.” 

Please don’t tell me you told Jade that John knows, actually went through his mind. Because John probably told her. Even if he hadn’t been online in a few days. Fucking shit, keeping him on edge at a time like this.

“Not to seem rude, but you were the one who had a shout contest with Terezi when she tried to visit you that one time.” The fact that her voice was blank was making that phrase even more unnerving that it was.

He grabbed a handful of hair and pushed it back, out of his face. It came right back over his eyes. “I was 16, for God’s sake! Will I ever be able to get rid of that shadow?”

Kanaya sounded like she was smiling now, which was better. “You might have done so sooner if you initiated a meeting with one of us on your own.” Then she changed the subject before he could bark back at her. “What I wanted to say was that I saw the warnings earlier. Do you think you can make it even with that snow storm they inform us about?”

“Oh, fuck, that. I don’t know. I guess? How bad can it be?” He didn’t even know if he wanted it to be bad or not at this point. He needed to put some socks on too, as an unrelated matter.

“Hopefully not too much so. Regardless, I must go back to my washing. It’s started producing unsettling sounds. Glad to hear from you.”

He let out a very small sigh. “Yeah, me too. See you.”

Conversation done, he looked absent-mindedly around his room. Right, socks. No, maybe a shower. Yes, that was the way to go. 

A session of screaming later, he was done with that too and, since Rose wasn’t home, he slipped, without fear of being called out for his insecurities, into his oversized jumper. So what if he wasn’t crazy for his own body, after all? In the first place, that was not the reason he dressed like this. The reason was comfort. Rose ought to learn the difference.

 

The next day (countdown to Christmas: four days) caught Karkat Vantas in the perfect setting of a hit romcom beginning. It was almost revolutionary ironic. This translated as such: he was walking (crawling) past crowds and crowds of people in the city centre, hitting their shoulders as hard as he could before being eaten by the giants of civilisation around him.

On this occasion, he vaguely wondered how he’d managed to keep himself alive when he was 5’3’’. A cold shiver crawled along his spine. Dark times. And although life at 5’9’’ was surely better (for example, people no longer remembered him as _the midget_ ), it was still not good enough. A lady’s bag made a hard connection with his head. This was why. And fuck all this ice too.

He made it half-alive to a niche beside a closed shop and worked on regaining his breath. He had to think this through. If he thought the centre was bad when he went to work (morning shift for today, it had been awful), this was even worse. He literally couldn’t see the pavement anymore. And his backpack was weighting the fucking Mount Everest (late arrivals for Rose at the post-office and instant noodles in case the snow storm of the next few days would make him home-stuck). As he waited for his muscles and lungs to calm the fuck down, he raised his eyes to the sky. It was already snowing, alright, and the clouds were a little darker than usual, but it was nothing for the weathermen to lose their shit over. Well, whatever. He started walking again.

At least he wasn’t going to deal with the post office again, since he figured he could give his friends their presents when they saw each other. Ugh, that thought again. Who had ever thought putting anxiety circuits in his system would be a good idea? Well, whoever that was, they could have held back a little.

Karkat didn’t like big crowds. Who the fuck likes big crowds? Right. Pressing hard on his heels, he emerged into the waves of people at once, hoping that this time he would not be killed. Failure. Fucking failure. They ate his flesh like zombies in a low-budged 2000’s movie.

He should have spared Jade’s Bead Art Kit for Christmas, that was what he should have done. At least Kanaya hadn’t been a problem, since, now safely inside a WHSmith lookalike, he found the books he had in mind straight away. Well, he wasn’t quite safe inside here either, since hundreds of people roamed the three storeys of the shop at the moment, but at least it was warmer. Warm enough to become aware of how wet his boots had got. Fucking water, fucking snow, fucking weather.

Right. Back outside. He could swear he had bought Terezi some stupid oil colours from somewhere around here back in autumn. He figured buying some again, after she’d complained about using them all (what the fuck did she even do, _eat_ them? She was studying law, not art!), was the best thing he could do for her. There it was. In and out. Shopping was easy.

Then the snowfall got worse, because who the fuck did he think he was, having everything going so smoothly? Typical. He couldn’t feel his feet anymore. There was just a very numb pain inside. He ought to get done with this soon, else amputation would be on his list and he’d seen what happened to Shelley and it didn’t look good so yeah, better hurry.

He battled his way inside another show and got John and Jade a _Sing-a-ma-jig_ each. That ought to shut them up. No, it oughtn’t. They would be insatiable in their thirst to make his eardrums pop. Not like it made a difference.

So he was done in less than three hours. It was all going just as planned. Until he bumped into him. That is to say, until he looked ahead some time later and saw the other waving at him. Karkat actually pondered throwing himself in the crowd, which was something his younger self would have surely done in an instant. Instead, he inhaled deeply and inevitably crossed the distance between them.

“Hi, Karkat!” He felt his eyes widen in astonishment at how large the other’s smile was. “Merry Christmas,” the boy said just as he tore his eyes from his face and glanced around at the snowing crowd.

“Hi.” Karkat deserved a medal. “Thanks. You too, I guess...Now I have to g—” His subtleness was apparently too subtle. He was not heard. Damn it, he had even tried to be nice. Of all his colleagues, he couldn’t find it within himself to be a jerk to this one.

“We wanted to call you last week when a few of us,” that is to say, some of the sorry idiots he shared his courses with, “went out for drinks and whatnot, but nobody knew your phone number so, yeah, um...”

“It’s fine.” Hit by the Christmas spirit, Karkat’s face took an almost apologetic look instead of an angry one as he said the following. “Look, I really have to go.”

Tavros was looking over his shoulder now. What was with the world and its not hearing of his words today? “Don’t look now, but he’s coming towards you...”

“Who is?” Brown eyes then locked with his in an acquired look. The horror of recognition etched on Karkat’s face. “Oh, shit.” And just as such, a hand collided with his shoulder. Oh, fuck, no.

“Merry motherfucking holidays.” Karkat was not going to get out of this day alive.

 

Terezi had laughed at him later when he’d explained his 17 escape attempts to her. Gosh, the things Tavros had had to do in order to give him a few moments to escape. Poor bastard.

Rose knocked softly and slipped inside his room now, smiling at the fact that, yeah, he was wearing the sweater she’d knitted for him. That’s what she got when she respected his dressing choices. This thing was mirthfully large (and crimson with brown and tiny blue dots, but it didn’t matter). Karkat looked up at her from the laptop he was currently keeping on his feet. Lotus position.

“My taxi arrived,” she explained and he nodded, shoving his computer aside. “Mom would have liked you.”

“After how many glasses of eggnog?” he grinned, since he was in a pretty good mood today and then followed her into the hallway.

Just as she’d said, her suitcase was small, but that didn’t mean anything and she knew it. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them that he would do the carrying-shits-down-the-stairs business. He was the Merlin to her Arthur, minus the homosexual subtext.

“Oh, shit.” It was snowing buckets outside. “Are you sure it’s safe to go now?” Green eyes darted to her almost lilac ones and she patted his shoulder reassuringly.  
“Last flights before they close it for the first storm to come. I’m more worried about your trip.”

He should have put a coat on before going out of the apartment. Shit. “There’s enough time for it to pass until I’m due to go. Besides, Kanaya lives only five hours away.” Or something. 

“Still. Have fun and see you in a week or two.”

He pushed the luggage into the taxi. “You too.”

She got inside. “And let the cat in, too.” 

Famous last words much?

 

Nah, she got there alright. And now it was Christmas and he’d had his fair share of gingerbread and other things Rose had left around the house, the TV programs were horrifyingly stereotypical and he had a cat purring beside him on the couch, but he was fine. He was waiting for the ghost of Christmas Past.

It hadn’t stopped snowing since Rose had left. Still, it was no storm yet. As he found himself watching half of _Love Actually_ for the 7th time, he bit down on his last cookie and let out a sigh when he was done. John was probably busy with his cliché family dinner by now. And Jade was probably feeding her dog under the table.

Karkat hadn’t talked to either of them since yesterday morning, when they both were eager to get going with the preparations. Weirdos. A streak of madness made him consider accepting their invitation the next year. Bluh.

He had involuntarily texted John some commentary about Hugh Grant’s hips ten minutes before, but he had instantly forgotten about it. This was why, when his phone started ringing, just as Alan Rickman was being a dick, he jumped, pressing himself into the startled cat.

“Uh.” 

Okay, if this was The Sims 3, he would photo-caption the shit out of this moment. He would even share it with his friends and then put it on a wall above his bed. Why the fuck and by the will of what merciful God was John _calling_ him?

“Yes?”

Fuck, he should have thought more about this moment before pressing the green sign. He had never, ever heard John’s voice before. Never, in over six years. And why the call? What if he was dead? Worse even, what if he was alive? Some thoughts to have on Christmas day...

“Oh, wow, you picked up really fast. Merry Christmas, Karkat!” 

Now that he heard his voice, Karkat didn’t really remember what he had expected. He only knew that this sounded more real and strangely fitting than anything his mind could have ever fathomed. He had probably imagined something of a higher pitch. And despite that, yes, this sounded like John. Some kind of John. A 19, not 13 year old John. Yeah, that was it. Fuck, talk.

“Uh.”

Astute reply, indeed.

“Hehee.”

So he really did that in real life too. One big mystery had just been solved. Karkat would have cried if he weren’t so dumfounded. Not really.

“What’s this?” What the fuck was he supposed to do? Surely, not act like a normal human being who happened to be talking with his best friend. Of course not.

“Well,” John pressed on his vowels and Karkat gulped for no reason at all. “Jade has forbidden texting during her stay. Ha, like that was going to keep me from bugging you!” 

No, dipshit, this is going exactly along with her plan, Karkat wanted to say, but those were too many words too soon. “Somebody ought to potty-train you out of that stupid habit sooner or later.”

“Dude, it’s not like you’ve ever called _me_.” Gosh, what _was_ that voice?! Karkat had the strangest feeling that his friend was not some sort of bad-teenage-drama-dorky-teen-with-braces replica. That was disturbing.

He shook his head and finally let the cat crawl from under his leg. “Whatever. Don’t you have some prissy snowmen to build? Pie to slice?”

John actually scoffed. Fucking scoffed. Karkat was having the weirdest curiosity-boner right now. “I need no such things with a friend as good as you.”

Thanks God Karkat had been right all these years when, for sanity’s sake, he had assigned John some level of sarcasm in his replies.

Then John made a thinking noise, which was unsettling. “What?”

“I thought your voice would be ridiculous and cranky,” John said on the other end, douchy honesty on two shoes now.

Here, Karkat rolled his eyes vaguely. “What did you think I was, an animated character?” The pot called the kettle black.

“Heh. Something like that,” his friend chuckled, but he didn’t find the strength or wish to growl. “Is it okay that I called, though?” 

Karkat rolled his eyes again, pushing the cat off the couch. “Yes, why the hell wouldn’t it be?”

“Oh.” That sounded like genuine surprise followed by a very short pause. “Good.” And that sounded happy. And something else. But maybe Karkat was drunk. “You were saying about the Prime Minister’s hips?” Yup, he was certainly drunk on cat fur.

“Fuck off.” Egbert wasn’t allowed to make fun of his crush on Hugh Grant(‘s hips) while using that hot-line voice.

Now he chuckled. “So cold.”

“Damn, you’re annoying.”

“Just the way you like it.” 

He clicked his tongue. “I think I see why you weren’t allowed to call before.”

Still, those could still be errors of the system, a bad signal or anything that was ready to absolve John from having anything different from a voice as ridiculous and stupid as his personality. He figured he was going to find out in a few days anyway, but yes, now he had something to think about.

“Um, then, I guess my present for you has to remain a surprise. Lucky. If I sent it, with that storm, I guess you’d have had to wait until the week after the next.”

“That storm is not due for almost a week,” Karkat shrugged and, keeping them on mute, started changing channels.

“Are you sure?”

Well then. Karkat got up from the couch. “Of course I’m sure, I fucking live here. How do you know about it anyway?” he pushed open the curtains and saw that, oh, snow was gathering pretty fast on the windowsill and the wind didn’t look too friendly either. “Oh, shit, you’re right. Fuck. Balneological shitsponge in the holy basin of Zeus.”

“That bad?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I will. Can’t do anything about it, anyway. Go back to your family, John, you must be frozen to your stupid bone already, wherever you are.”

John shivered a laugh on the other end. “How did you know?”

“Ancient prophecies of a Santa troll. No get inside.” He looked around the room once. “And merry Christmas.”

“Hehe, thank you.”


	10. In which Karkat loses his V-card and plays guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's luck is as good as ever.  
> John may be unconsciously into phone-bullying.  
> Dirk had been watching too many historical shows lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys are still enjoying this, then wow, THANK YOU.  
> Virtual, germ-free hugs here.  
> And I'm back to my sick bed.

Next day, without a doubt, he was snowed in. And since the storm was not over, he couldn’t even tell how bad it was going to be. So he watched the news as he ate two bowlfuls of cereals, concluded that all of them were stupid fucks that couldn’t even handle a little snow and got along with his schedule. He really ought to finish that book, but things had distracted him in the past few days. Various things.

Now he just had to hope that the workers wouldn’t slack off and that his train will be ready to go on the 30th.

 

Which

...

Of course it wasn’t.

GG: so youre saying youre not coming? :(   
CG: NO, I’M SAYING I CAN’T COME ANYMORE UNLESS YOU PULL A HELICOPTER OUT OF YOUR SLEEVE.   
CG: WHICH WOULD BE JUST AS STUPID BECAUSE IT’S SNOWING LIKE SATAN PISSED HIMSELF IN A JAR AND THEN BLEW IT UP.   
GG: oh fuck i am so sorry.......   
CG: WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE SORRY FOR ME THIS DAYS.

He’d know he should have let John explain it to her. One cry-baby was more than enough for him.

CG: IT’S LIKE I’VE BEEN THROWN IN A CHARLES DICKENS NOVEL AND NOW I’M ONLY READ BY IMPRESSIONABLE PRE-TEEN GIRLS WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN GET WHATEVER THE FUCK IS ON THEIR LITERATURE LIST AND CRY OVER IT BY THEMSELVES.   
GG: im sure thats not what john meant karkat...   
CG: STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS JUST TO LOOK SMART CAUSE YOU DON’T.   
GG: oh please!   
GG: there are only so many people you really talk to   
GG: its not that hard to make a logical deduction   
CG: HAVE YOU BEEN READING SHERLOCK HOLMES AGAIN.   
GG: nannas very influential if you must know   
GG: :B   
CG: OH GOD.   
CG: ANYWAY, I HOPE YOU’LL HAVE FUN. IF ANYONE MAKES A SCENE, DO THEM GOOD AND REMIND THEM OF HOW MUCH OF A SCUMBAG I CAN ACTUALLY BE.   
GG: geez okay   
GG: ill try to cheer him up when i get there :(   
CG: LIFE’S HARD. HE’LL LIVE.

 

Five minutes to midnight. From his window, Karkat could see (and very much hear) a few sparse firework try-outs. A medium bowl of Ben & Jerry’s was resting beside him, a comforting thought for a freezing, lonely New Year’s Eve. On his desk, his laptop beeped once, like a mouse that looks at you at 2 am and knows you can’t catch it. Karkat had left it aside a couple of hours before. The interned was depressing on New Year’s.

EB: are you there?   
EB: oh, good, you are.

He hadn’t even reached the keys by the time John disconnected again. What the fuck was he doing at this hour? He asked him as much when he picked up the ringing phone, 30 seconds later.

“You agreed to spend New Year’s with us, dude. Being a few hundred miles away doesn’t excuse you.” Then a few chaotic messages from the other people burst in, leaving him kind of speechless. Then John’s voice was the loudest one again. “Happy New Year, Karkat,” he said, right as the fireworks went mad outside. 

Karkat found himself hiding in the windowless hallway for silence. “Yeah, whatever, you too. Tell the others for me too. Thanks for not letting me kill myself this year, by the way.”

“What are friends for?” John laughed and it sounded really nice. “Multiplayer computer games, bitching about BBC shows and keeping each other as far away from sharp objects as possible.”

Their first chat of the year had literally been half filled with reminiscences of Catherine Tate. They were having issues. Then Karkat tried to make John hang up (since he obviously couldn’t, duh), but to no avail.

“So...” John made an oral interpretation of a worm tripping over itself and rolling down a hill.

“Shouldn’t you get back to them?” Karkat made another attempt at it, but in a low voice, both cursing and blessing himself for feigning altruism. Damn fuck, he should have just gone a week earlier. Kanaya wouldn’t have complained and he would have been there by now. The thought alone was ridiculous.

“Do you think we can...” Humane pause for Karkat to swallow. “...er, still see each other? Before next year, I mean...” Okay, that tone was weird. Also, Karkat couldn’t help feeling kind of (stupidly) flattered. Ugh. Must have been that voice. Stupid fucking voice. Stupid Egbert.

Talking about voices, where had his gone? He swore he had wanted to say ‘no’. So much. “Y-yeah...sure, why not?” Why not? Because it was a fucking stupid response and who the fuck agreed to something so easily? John wouldn’t get off his tail because of that for weeks. Here came the moron jokes.

“Oh. Great!” John spared himself a moment to laugh. “Man, I was so nervous. This is so silly...”

“Idiot,” Karkat added in an undertone. He had to get away fast, else he would completely forget to insult him. “Now, really, go the fuck back to your sorry bunch.”  
“Okaaay,” John whined lamely, “but I’ll miss you. A lot.”

“I—”

“Now please, please watch The Amazing Spiderman. For me.”

“What—”

“Good night, Karkat!”

Fucking little shit. Karkat seethed at his phone, faintly aware that his hand was shaking. People really, really ought not to let John use the phone for anything other than Tetris and texting. Look at what it did to him; Karkat felt like he’d just lost his V-card to the small pause between ‘you’ and ‘a lot’.

 

He had never understood why he liked Julianne Moore’s face as much as he did. Another thing he did not understand was why he always ended up re-watching movies more than seeing new ones these days. 

To add to him puzzlement, he had been sharing his room with the fucking stray cat ever since he swam home from the train station. Hopefully they’d give him his ticket money back. Now, as Johnny Depp hanged in a tree, Karkat allowed himself to sigh. Long and hard. Then, moment over, he went back to watching insane people fall in love.

Then, just when the ending credits were about to commence rolling, he heard the front door open and tried grabbing the baseball bat he knew he didn’t have, instead catching a book in his hand. He peeked carefully into the hallway, but it wasn’t much use, since he couldn’t see the front door from there. Shuffling could be heard, though, as cold air passed by his ears. 

Karkat held the book tighter in his hands and made tiny steps towards the noise. “Rose?” he asked when he thought he could smell perfume.

“Mmm?” her voice responded and Karkat as well as sagged beside a wall. “I see you’re still here. What happened?” her coat was full of snow, her face was flushed and, oh, one of her brothers was with her.

Karkat blinked. “Train station’s blocked. How did you get here?” he pointed too, for good measure, as she took off her coat and then untied her snowy boots.

“Shenanigans,” replied her brother and he looked indeed like somebody who had dug his car out of the snow a few dozen times that day. The trembling must have given him away and he started to rub his arms, surprisingly showing an unfamiliar amount of human feelings. Thank fucking God for that. “Do you have a cauldron of porridge or a bucket of hot cider, by any chance?”

Karkat looked with a blank face at the blond in front of him, then pointed at the kitchen. “Made some coffee half an hour ago, maybe it’s still warm.”

The other nodded. “May King George bless your soul.”

When he was gone, Karkat trailed after Rose and into her bedroom. “Did he get brain damage along the way?”

The girl was currently unpacking with the speed of light, but she still spared him a smiling glance. “He’s too cold to say something ironic, so he goes for that. He’ll be back to his usual self in a moment. Dave would have used the entire evening to wallow in self-pity, so your nerves are lucky he was working.”

“I was working too,” they heard Dirk say from the kitchen and her smile widened.

“How had your free days been?” She signalled for him to take a place on her bed, beside the luggage and he did so.

He guessed he ought to be nice. “They were fine. Couldn’t get out of the house the first three days.”

“So I heard.” 

“How was your mom?” he made the mistake or turning around while she was pulling off her sweater. God dammit.

“Surprisingly well. Better than usual,” her muffled voice came through before she managed to change into a new shirt. What the fuck was he doing in there anyway? “Sorry to hear about your plans...”

Karkat shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. It was good to hear my own thoughts for a chance. And my footsteps. And the radiator ticking. And the cat snoring.”  
“Sounds peaceful...”

“Like a drugged infant in a crib.”

Nevermind that. He had been called so much the past week he had a vague impression going to a convention would’ve been less socially demanding. And he’d had to deal with John’s teen idol voice too. Ugh. No, that’s not what he’d wanted to say.

Both Karkat and Rose cringed at the sound of mug meeting floor coming from the kitchen. “I am having doubts whether taking him with me after 72 hours without sleep had been a good idea...” Rose muttered while watching the door.

“You do that now, don’t you?” Karkat raised his eyebrows, eyes fixed forward too. A pause commenced. “...You should go help him.” Someone sounded in pain, that was all.

“Yeah, I should...” It took her another few moments to blink out of the thinking state and start moving. “Get a blanket.”

 

Rose was scary when she got all mother-likely to the point of starting to scold her own brothers. Well, only one of them, in this case, since this other one was fast asleep (Karkat was pretty sure what he’d done could have been called fainting without any problems) in her bed, a yellow, chicken-imprinted blanked thrown on top of him. Karkat was playing guardian while she was talking on the phone in the living room.

Then, back in his room, his own phone started ringing too (he really doubted that Jade still had that restriction on John), but Karkat kept steady to his post. It took Rose quite a few more paragraphs about sleeping routines and food that was not nachos until she came back into the room and, by that time, his call had been long lost.

So, as he returned to the base and stared at the phone in his hand, Karkat seethed at the thought that this was, finally, his turn to call. It was bound to happen one time or another. He closed the door and drew the curtains before proceeding.

“If you know what’s good for you, this will be an emergency.”

“Wait,” John made a sound like he had just swallowed his entire conversation in one go. “Why? What’s wrong?” 

“Jesus, don’t hold your breath. Rose’s doing wannabe social worker stuff and she might be calling me back.” If the phone call had such consequences, Karkat really didn’t want to meet any other people for the night. It was not his ‘meeting people day’.

“Wow. I thought...it was not her department?”

Karkat dropped on the side of his bed, looking absently over a wayward notebook. “It’s not. Brother problems.”

“Uh...is it bad?” However, John already sounded more relaxed. Jesus, what had he expected?

He threw the notebook somewhere very close to his desk, on the floor. Yes, perfect, just on spot. “We have one collapsed in our house. But we’re fine, we expect that, after a few glasses of warm goat milk and some hot soup he’ll be fine. Fuck, I’ll have to make that soup.”

John gave him one of his breathy laughs and seemed to tap some plastic matter in the distance. “Remind me to faint too when I come over.”

Wait. When? Uh. Right. Mythological time. Okay. Fine. Golden. Exquisite. “What are you doing?” Karkat asked two moments later.

“Eating ice-cream.”

“It’s below 28 degrees outside.” Though, truthfully, Karkat would have bought himself some too if he happened to pass by a convenience store. And yeah, fuck, the weather was better where John lived. 

“Well, it’s warm in here,” the boy grinned audibly before presumably taking another spoonful. “And I was going through the list of movies you’ve given me—”  
“Which one?” Karkat dutifully interrupted.

The other appeared to think, since he was careful to make specific sounds once he started this alien process. It was totally stupid, of course. Karkat was never going to forgive his friend for being intelligent. Fuck, his voice was smart. 

Funny how merely hearing a person changed your perspective on them so much, no matter how long you’ve known each other. Karkat had known, of course, that his friend was smart. He didn’t know John was sometimes aware of it, however.

No. Actually, it wasn’t funny at all.

“The one from September...”

He scoffed. “About time too, don’t you think?”

He had, quite unforgivably, dug his own grave. “Hey! I would have finished them sooner if I didn’t spend half of the time discussing them with you.”

“It’s your fault for calling.”

“Nu-uh. It’s yours for being a great chat-companion. A chatpanion.” Why was he sniggering? This was not funny, this was madness.

“Fuck you,” was the lame (and only) thing he managed to say quickly enough.

“Charming, too,” he chuckled.

Another thing Karkat hadn’t known was that John knew the basic steps of flirting. Fuck shit hell.

“I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. John, I revoke your citizenship on the continent. Go back a few eras in time to let your brain develop properly. I’m less charming than Everdeen on the way to the Capitol.”

“I don’t know what to say about thaaaat. She came around.”

“Yeah, with a load of writing devices and editor notes I don’t, at the moment, possess.” Was Rose calling him from the other room?

John hummed. Fucking shit. “Exactly. You’re a natural.”

“I think Rose’s calling me from the hallway—”

“I actually don’t know why you’re so opposed to what I say. Out of the five of us, I like your voice the most. And I’ve heard Kanaya on air, remember.”

“Rose’s definitely calling me—”

“Also, do you know you make some funny clicking sounds when I piss you off more than usual?”

Oh really.

Was he doing them now?

“Good bye, John.”

Flat line.

Thank. God.

Karkat went out of his room and took a deep breath to draft his brain. He still had to find out how to erase it. How was he going to go through this treatment face to face?!

“Rose, did you call?”

Of course she didn’t.

“No, I didn’t.”

See? Psychic.


	11. In which Karkat babysits and plays Dominoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R-rated Supernanny episodes.  
> Everybody wonders where the katana is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I reread this chapter, I realised I must have written it while reading Sourcery.  
> So sorry for the slightly Rincewind-ish Karkat.  
> The next few chapters will take a little more time, by the way. Plot issues.  
> Also, the book Karkat's reading is Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell. Irrelevant.

Karkat’s university at first appeared as a common (if slightly too violet) 4-storey building, placed somewhat out of one of the main boulevards, but close enough to it to be a well-known meeting place. It was not Prospit in dimension, due to the fact that its departments were thrown all over the city in similar buildings, but it was just as good. Or so he hoped his future employers would think.

It was dark and old on the inside, but it was well-preserved and he appreciated it. There were three staircases available to the students and all of them were a little too spirally. Also, some teachers gave him the creeps. Thank the gods he did not take their classes. Rose did, but he had a feeling he did not want to know about it.

He wondered how John’s college was. Funny thing, he had expected him to give all the details he could. Hell, maybe even steal a map from a wall and scan it for him to see, but John had been more reserved than normal. Jade had sent him photo after photo of something that looked like a playground from NASA. Terezi was almost done and now walked more in court houses than in the university halls, but nevermind that. Even Kanaya had, one phone call, finally settled for complaining about the lack of style an art college possessed. John had said “nice” and “big” and “hard to remember the classrooms” and that was all he’d ever found out. Karkat wondered what was up with that.

It was the end of January and it hadn’t snowed in a week, but there was still enough on the ground and Karkat had a record to break at falling down on his ass because of the undercover ice. Susie Salmon had said one of the best weapons was the icicle, the weapon that melts away. Well, this ice didn’t even need a murder to use it. It just went around killing people.

Karkat pulled his beanie over his head better and squinted through his fringe at the world before parting it half-heartedly. He hurried out of the university gates, if not for the longing of getting home soon, then for fear of being stopped by dense colleagues. He. Didn’t. Want. To. Talk. With. Them. Gosh.

It was two o’clock, but it was a free day, so he needn’t hurry to the other side of the town to fold more clothes. Damn. This town had many sides. He barely registered the soundless step his boot made before losing his balance again. Shitsponge.

Typical. Typical, typical. He managed to hold on to a street lamp. Alright, going on. Once he was in the bus, everything was right in the world. In the world of his semi-frozen limbs, he meant, even though at the moment they hurt like shit. John had asked him to read this giant-ass book a couple of weeks ago, but it had taken him some time to find it in a backpack-friendly edition in the library. Well. Rose had beamed when he showed it to her, so he guessed it wouldn’t be that bad. He was caught in the Napoleonic war at the moment. Ghost ships.

Back home, he let the cat inside with a growl and let a bowl of soup warm up while he changed out of his clothes. It wasn’t until after this and after his lunch that he found the note pinned to a jacket in the coat hanger. Sticky notes on the fridge were too mainstream for Rose, obviously.

_Dirk’s over. Don’t make too much noise. – R._

Wait, what. He hadn’t… Had he been noisy? Oh, God, Rose had once said the guy had a katana, was he going to die today? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. He hadn’t even seen _Gossip Girl_ yet.

Wary of his surroundings, Karkat turned around. Nothing. There wasn’t anyone in the kitchen when he’d eaten. Or in his room. Or in the bathroom. Alright. That meant he was in the living room. Karkat vaguely remembered some ironic porcelain dolls in one cabinet there. Those might just kill a man.

However, as he pressed himself into the room, it was void of human beings or cyborgs or wizards or amphibians. He wasn’t sure about ghosts, angels and Death. Nevertheless, something inside him relaxed. As he peeked inside Rose’s bedroom, he saw that it had done so with enough reason. The guy was just sleeping. Good.

Karkat returned to his daily activities while dodging the cat that kept looking at him with its _feed-me_ eyes. Fine. There. Cat fed. Now he had half an essay to write, an episode to see and a self-pity session to attend. 

He vaguely wondered what Rose’s brother was doing over there. Again. Rose had said last time that he couldn’t relax at home. Bullshit, why was it called home if you couldn’t relax in it? Karkat remembered his own childhood house, filled with endless-grades of cousins, all of them noisy and yelling not removed enough from the family tree and ugh. At least he’d had two years of silence to graduate before moving to college. Blessed be childless uncles. But okay, he got the idea. 

Just as he finished the first part and wondered whether to just write the whole damn essay in one go, Karkat heard a _vague_ , very vague shuffling in the apartment. Okay, the guy was a good ninja, but at least this proved he was still made of human matter.

Though he had only seen him once (and after that he’d fainted, so that wasn’t a very good first impression either), Karkat thought Dirk looked like shit. Not the kind of shit he’d seen for months in the store; the real kind. However, he did look a little (a tiny, particle-sized bit) more rested.

The other guy looked at him from the kitchen table as he was already digesting a mug of coffee. Damn, that smelt good. After nodding to each other, Karkat poured one for himself too. Uh, okay. Now what did people do to start conversations and _why the hell was he thinking about starting a conversation_?

Probably because this guy looked like he hadn’t been asked if he was alright in a while. Also, talking with John made him soft. One day, he was going to punch him for it.  
Karkat went for the first thought that came to his mind. “I hope you’re going back to sleep after this.”

Bright amber eyes looked better at him and the other raised his eyebrows. He took another gulp of coffee. “No, that was enough. I’ve been here for hours.”

Well…yeah, if Rose had been home to open the door and write a note. He almost said something, then understood it was not adequate to tell an adult (or almost adult?), uh, somebody his age to go to sleep and shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

The next pause had lasted so much Karkat was already bored of looking at his now _empty_ mug. “Can you believe her?” Dirk spoke suddenly then and Karkat’s lime eyes shot up instantaneously.

“What?”

The other smirked and shit, yes, there was the family resemblance. “She didn’t tell us she had a roommate. When I came over last time I thought you were some kind of bodyguard-cum-sex-slave.”

“Some kind of what—” What.

“Figured soon enough it was not the case. After all, she’s clearly infatuated with somebody else.” Wow. Since he knew Rose didn’t talk about this stuff to anyone else, Karkat felt a tiny hint of admiration towards the guy in front of him. “It’s good for her not to live alone, though,” he finished and it was Karkat’s turn to raise his eyebrows, although his hair probably masked the movement.

“How so?” He poured himself a second cup of coffee, knowing only too well he would regret it later.

Dirk pushed his mug towards him too and he separated the remaining liquid in half. “She would be too comfortable. People who are designed to live alone should never be allowed to do so for too long. Look at Frankenstein.”

Karkat blinked, a good enough reaction. “I guess. I’m only here because the rent is cheap,” he lied. No reason in looking all nice and responsible in front of others.

“I’m sure,” the other grinned, obviously seeing right through him. Okay, he didn’t like this guy anymore. “You should have seen her back in our house. I swear the place was twice as big and five times more expensive looking than it is now.”

“Is that why you don’t like it there anymore?” Oh, shit. That slipped. Karkat drowned it with strong coffee.

Dirk looked, for once, a little lost for words. Then he shook his head. “I like it alright. Me and my bro reassembled the place to our tastes.” Karkat held it in this time, along with his breath, just to be sure. “I just can’t sleep anymore these days,” the other answered his silence and shrugged.

“Uh...why?” He tried very hard not to make scenarios in his head. He failed. Miserably.

“Too many projects lying around. I just feel bad for not working on them and time doesn’t really stop during this.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Dirk scratched his head, not really doing any more damage to his hair than the sleep had already done, then looked back at him. “I have a pack of Dominoes with me...”

Karkat stared at him for all of ten seconds. “Okay.” 

Why was he always putting himself in situations in which he was most likely to lose?

 

Because he was a masochistic shit, that was why. He knocked the third row over yet again, letting out a groan and narrowing his eyes as soon as the other started laughing.

“You’re shit,” Dirk grinned up at him once he’d calmed down and assembled the row back again with inhuman swiftness. 

Karkat scowled and wet on with his pieces. “I already fucking told you, you undulating nookjerk, this is my first fucking time wasting my time with this.” He knocked another five pieces. “Shit!”

“Man, we’ve been at it for hours. That excuse is so outdated I’m starting to feel a distinct need to call customer services.” He did another row before Karkat could even decide what piece to throw at his insufferable head. “Besides, this is supposed to be good for your nerves.”

“Do I fucking look like it’s good for my nerves?”

Dirk shuffled his feet on the carped in Karkat’s room. Why were they not in the living room? Now the entire room would stink of douchebag for weeks. “You’ve got to admit it provides exceptional practice for them.”

“Fuck you.”

“Not interested.”

Oh, God. He was truly going to kill this guy before the day ended. He was going to kill him so bad. And get killed in the process, obviously, but those were the risks of a well-aimed mission. Seething less and less, Karkat managed not to fuck shit up for twenty minutes straight. Achievement unlocked: 1st grader.

The situation was also weird because Rose was still not at home. Were she there, it would have been horrifying. They grabbed all the pieces and started building a new path. Thank shit none of them knew how to play this thing.

“Your phone’s been beeping for minutes,” Dirk said absently and gave him a few purple pieces.

Karkat knew. He knew that very well. He was putting a lot of effort into ignoring it. There was no way he was going to talk to John while this asshole was around (due to an incident some time before, involving a mirror, during which he’d found out that his Egbert allergy made his cheeks turn red. Fucking dork germs.).

So he shrugged, although not quite successfully. “Leave it.”

He wondered what John had to say. Obviously, something boring and lame about his day and about the comic book he’d managed to buy before him. Always before him. He was going to ramble on with his preferably cheerful voice (Karkat had heard glints of irritation and gloom once or twice and it hadn’t been good for his mind. Not good at all.) and then ask Karkat about his equally lame day and this was probably why Karkat just wanted to push Strider out the window so he could answer him already. 

Before anyone asked, yes, he knew he had a problem. He was just very good at rudely ignoring it.

“Dude.”

“What?” he snapped.

Dirk pointed at their project. “You haven’t made a move in ages.”

Made a move...? Oh, shit, yes, the Dominoes. Obviously. Making moves. Ha ha. Right. 

Fuck.

Shuddering on the inside, Karkat aligned a dozen purple pieces, not really bothering to tell if the distance was alright between them. He glanced up at the stoic marble statue in front of him. “Did Rose want me to prepare your living place or something in here? ‘Cause you’d have to find your own fucking pillow in the cupboard and then drag it to the couch. The moths are probably in the second month of anarchy in there at the moment, so I’d suggest you sleep with one eye open.”

“Nah, I’m not staying the night.” What an ungrateful cornrubber. Even with his absolute, crumbling rock-bottom self-esteem Karkat thought his minute of speech deserved a more appropriate answer. Or at least a raised eyebrow. Something. What the fuck was wrong with this guy.

Whatever. He was going to keep his mouth shut on the matter. But then his phone beeped again. “Why are you still here, then?”

Dusty golden eyes looked at him and an eyebrow was finally raised and, shit, he’d given himself away. It also seemed like the stare-off had lasted forever when Dirk finally smirked and got up from the floor. When the fuck had he gathered all the Dominoes too? 

“I must be off then,” he grinned down at Karkat and went out of the room. He followed swift.

“Don’t you have to wait for Rose or something?” Karkat asked, ignoring the get-out-must-now-phone chant going on inside his lower brain.

If anything, Dirk’s smirk got even more amused. “Nah, little man. I think these days were the most we’ve seen of each other in a year. I may come back, though.”

“Little— listen here, you shit!” he pointed, getting his systems on seething mode, but the other shooshed him as he put his jacket on.

“Don’t bother, dude. Go get your call.” He was out in a matter of seconds. 

Karkat had never thought of the possibility of having the door shut in your face in your own house. He ought to guess, however, that if it was ever a thing that could happen, it would happen to him. He didn’t stop to ponder the philosophical meaning of that statement, though, as, yes, he had a phone call to make.

He most certainly did not smile in relief as soon as his bedroom door was shut behind him. He also did not feel the slightest bit giddy as he went through his messages. Not at all. Who the fuck did people think he was?

_karkat, this show’s scary. why do you like it so much? – john_  
 _uh...the scenery is nice, i guess... – john_  
 _i should probably pause before i type, but that dude once played a scarecrow i think... – john_  
 _this isn’t PG-rated, is it? – john_  
 _KARKAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY BOOBS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE – john_  
 _i was supposed to revise particle physics...... – john_

Karkat choked. Then proceeded to cough his way through the last text and the couple of phone calls. Right, okay, he had to play it cool. He just had to...relax.

Fuck that, if Karkat was one to relax, more than half of his problems may have never existed. Still, he called John back, hoping he was not totally traumatised by now. “With that amount of complaining, you will not find it surprising that I doubt with all my strength the fact that your abysmal brain had understood anything. Go back to _Star Trek_. Really. Just. Go back and forget this ever happened. Please.” Fuck, why did he sound almost pleading at the end?

There was silence. Then, John laughed. “God,” he choked out before laughing some more. 

And if it wasn’t for the nasty feeling that the reaction was directed at him, maybe Karkat would have enjoyed the sound. Right now, he didn’t enjoy it at all. It sounded like a psycho serial killer was strangling his seventeenth victim of the day, like some demons were watching horse races, like a few dolphins had just reached Nirvana. Only not at all. Shit, John had such a nice laugh.

“Kaaaarkaaaaat,” John giggled, trying to breathe. Karkat was lucky not to be near the bathroom mirror, for he was sure the allergy was in full, reddish bloom after that sound. “I got you! I was just kidding, jeez! You act like I haven’t ever watched porn in my life...”

Karkat squeaked, then, with some effort, grew more indignant. Finally, a fitting reaction. “It wasn’t p—”

“Yes, yes, I _know_. But really, I was kidding. It was really good. I’ll watch the second season tomorrow.”

At the bubbling in his stomach, Karkat drew in a very large breath, managing not to wheeze it out. “What are you doing wasting ten hours a day watching this shit? I thought you were busy with your project to preserve grass and make expensive tissue paper. I’ll want that tissue paper on my death bed, John. Get the fuck to work, you lazy shit.”

“Pfff, it’s fine! I’ve got it all figured out. Besides, it’s been so long since I’ve watched something this nice. Do you know how much filming this had cost them? I got dizzy at first.” What did he expect? That thing was a masterpiece. Karkat made a mental note to watch the first season again. Soon. “I’ll go back to studying as soon as we’re done here. Promise.” Ugh. Allergy. “How are you, Karkat?”

Having an anaphylactic shock. “I just kicked Rose’s younger brother out of the house. That guy’s like a parasite, he’s been here the entire day.”

“The same one that fainted that one time?”

“Thankfully, yes. I didn’t have as little luck as to meet the other one yet. From what I gathered, he’s even worse. Talks more, I guess...”

Karkat glanced at the doodle he’d made on a corner of his History notebook. Was that a fourth-winged demonic star? He tapped his pen on the desk once John failed to reply.

“Oh,” he finally came back to the real world, “there are two of them? I feel really bad. Do you know I have never talked to Rose yet? I feel like all of you have except me. I don’t even have her chumhandle...,” he cleared his throat. “Uh, by the way, do you know their names?”

“Whose names?” The star now sprouted a dark corona of broken dreams and sorrow. Perfect.

“Er, her brothers’? It’s just that...I...”

Something was not right. Yes, the star needed a flaming sword too. “Yes?”

“Uh, well...Nevermind.” Karkat stopped doodling once everything was illegible and looked at the wall, expecting John’s next reply. “Right! I installed the keyboard today!”  
“Took you long enough.”

“Hey! A week is barely a long time. Nevertheless, now that I did, feel free to ask me to play things for you. It’s, well, how Jade kept me practicing at h—aah, when she wasn’t busy building black hole mechanisms.”

By ‘play’ did he mean, like, on the phone...? As in, that awfully sappy and jelly-legs inducing thing stupid people did in stupid, awfully gorgeous movies? That kind of ‘play’? Karkat was as white as he was red. No. Fuck that and fuck Egbert. 

“What makes you think I want to hear your excuse of making music by killing expensive machinery?” Well, nobody was judging, but maybe the quiver in his voice was the answer he sought?

“I’m not that bad! You’ve got to at least let me play for you once before judging, Karkat. That’s what _good_ friends do.”

Right. See, there was good reasoning. Karkat nodded to it. He now had absolutely no other choice but listen to John’s indubitably awful covers of whatever songs he was going to pick. He just had to learn to live like that. In misery. Like always.

...

He so wanted to hear John play.

“Fine,” his voice did a back-flip and landed on its arse again. “Do your thing. But expect me to charge you for all the doctor and psychologist visits I’ll need after that.”

“Thank you,” John practically beamed through his phone. “Just you wait, it’ll be so awesome you won’t be able to stand for days after.”

 _I don’t doubt it_ , some inner voice resonated within Karkat. “Don’t flatter yourself,” the mechanic one said. Truth be told, it was getting kind of rusty and tired of all the shits it’s been forced to say this past period of time.

“No, I guess I’ll just let you do that for me at the right time,” John used the small amount of smugness he sometimes displayed and Karkat threw his pen at the books on the desk. It landed lamely without much of a fuss.


	12. In which Karkat gets his first Valentine "card" and signs up for a slow death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep platonic conversations.  
> John's a sadistic asshole.  
> Off-stage: Rose did indeed not look at her curtains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's something like Valentine's day around here so uh, it's still slightly relevant.  
> But w/e, at least it's in the same month. Sorry.  
> Also, Tavros is not in a wheelchair because I felt like giving him a break.  
> But hey, things are finally happening!  
> Kind of.

Something always seemed to throw him into these situations. Karkat believed it was natural talent. Or maybe an addiction present in his subconscious. For now, he tried to walk in a balanced line on the patches of snow-free alley. It was cold and he had forgotten his gloves at home. Nothing new there. 

“That way, everything you are under the impression that you learn now is something you already knew. Before you existed in human form, that is.” This was the novel part of his current circumstances.

“Uh huh,” Karkat found himself nodding faintly, brows furrowing on their own accord to think. Was he seriously doing this? “Human form is a faulty description, though...”

“Yeah, sorry. It slipped me there.” They both ducked a large puddle in the middle of the alley and turned left to get closer to the frozen lake. What was left of it.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, getting back to his answer. “I mean, since he said this,” Karkat gestured at the park, “is not real. I think I read somewhere that the world only exists because people keep imagining it around them.”

“Hmm.”

He bit his pained lips and lamely kicked a forgotten snowball at the lake. “How stoned was Plato when he wrote that?” he finally gave up. They’d spent over two hours discussing philosophy, dammit.

“Now, don’t be judgemental, chibi. We’ve all been stoned at one point in our lives—”

“Speak for yourself,” Karkat grumbled. What the fuck did he just call him?

“— but not all of us had historical revelations because of it,” Dirk finished, smirking at him now.

What had he been thinking, agreeing to meet this asshole during his free days? Something had probably been deterred in his brain, causing him to long for human contact after so many peaceful years of not doing so. Still, that did not excuse his choice of companions.

“Careful there,” Dirk said evenly and Karkat didn’t even have time to glance at him before he fell heavily on ice.

He growled at the blue-grey sky, then at the pain in his elbows, then at Strider’s boots. “Fuck. Everything.” Ouch. His palms stung too. How the fuck did _that_ happen?

Dirk offered him a hand silently, then dragged him to a seemingly ice-free zone. “Anything broken?”

“I’m fucking fine,” Karkat seethed at the world. A number of bones in his body were hurting in that moment.

“Karma’s a bitch. Let’s go make the grocery store guy feel uncomfortable.” Sadly enough, they’d done that before. Apparently, two dudes buying a crapload of candy and jellies still managed to do the trick.

“Hell, yeah,” Karkat gave his hurting bones another encouraging pat and followed his companion to the park exit.

 _This better not become a habit_ , he thought, regarding the outing. Well, just another broken wish for the road.

 

It was way too early in the day for him to be doing anything other than keeping his head up and scribbling whatever nonsense his lecturer was babbling about in front of the class. At some point, Karkat had started doodling on the side of his notebook, doing a perfectly inaccurate version of a chicken. He would have added a small family for the little guy too, were he not disturbed by Tavros.

Karkat blinked at the guy as if trying to understand when he’d taken the place beside him? They were halfway through the second class already. Tavros smiled uncertainly at him and he could feel bright brown eyes scrutinizing his face for damage or possible death threats.

“What?” Karkat hissed before turning back to write another bullet point.

“I say, uh, are you skipping extracurriculars today or not?” 

Okay, so, no, Karkat wasn’t the kind of guy to add himself on every group there was in college just so he could present an even thicker CV to the shitty guys that may give him his shitty future job. Still, on Thursday he usually spent an extra hour killing time in the writers’ club. He failed to see why. Maybe because he had the rest of the week to be fed up with formal writing and essays and what shits they gave him to do. It almost made listening to Tavros’s fairy-tales worth it. Almost.

Karkat scowled back at him when the teacher turned towards the blackboard again. “Are you saying you’re not? For fuck’s sake, Tavros, you and I are the only shitbags that actually go there on a decent basis.”

His colleague looked mildly concerned. “Yeah, but, you see, I don’t think anyone’s coming today anyway,” he scratched his neck and added a new arrow on his own papers.

Karkat paused to add the little chicken a fence. “And why the fuck is that?” 

When no response came, he had to turn toward him again. Tavros blinked at him before letting an awkward smile creep across his face. “It’s...Valentine’s day.”

Lime eyes narrowed until the words finally sank in. Oh. “Oh,” Karkat breathed. “Fuck,” he ducked to add some bread crumbs to his doodle.

How had he missed that? It was just last week when he looked at the calendar and grumbled about having to escape the day without seeing any people having intercourse. Such a stupid holiday. Hello, we are marking this day down to remind you that you have to be nice to your partner and eventually do cheesy stuff and treat each other like you fucking should all year long. Karkat hated Valentine’s Day. He did, however, enjoy the amount of cliché movies being released because of it.

He sneaked another glance toward the other and frowned slightly. “Who the hell are you taking out?” The shy look and grin on Tavros’s face was everything he needed for an answer. “Okay, shit, I don’t want to know.”

Even Tavros. Even him...

Actually, Karkat thought as he outlined a tiny shed for the chicken family, Tavros was a pretty decent guy. He’d had three literature projects’ time to find that out. Why shouldn’t he have a date? After all, it wasn’t like he spent half of his free time complaining about shit and the other half making it worse, like Karkat did. Hell, maybe he even had a life.

“I think Ms. Willis will understand,” Tavros added in the end, referring to the club’s unfortunate supervisor.

Karkat finished adding the chimney, because chickens feel the cold too. “Fuck that. I’m staying.”

“Er, you are?” Why the fuck did he sound panicked? It was not suicide.

“Fuck yes, I am. This day can’t get any worse that way.” He ignored any further attempts of conversation. What was with people and feeling sorry for those without dates today? Only Karkat was allowed to wallow in self-pity. He had enough for all of him.

 

Unfortunately, not even Ms. Willis was up to losing an entire date-compatible hour talking with only one student, so Karkat left after only fifteen minutes of being sent dozens of hints of variable awkwardness. He wasn’t going to be his teacher’s cockblock today; he didn’t have the energy or rage needed for it.

GA: What Do I Do

Kanaya’s reply came by the time Karkat was already losing hope on having a decent conversation with her. He pushed his slightly wavy hair out of his face again, forcefully as if that would keep it in place and bent over his laptop.

CG: FIRST START BY PUTTING A DECENT AMOUNT OF CLOTHES ON.   
CG: THERE’S NO WAY YOU GOT READY IN LESS THAN TWENTY MINUTES.   
GA: Excuse Me For A Moment

Which turned to another quarter of an hour. Karkat was gently pulling at his light grey T-shirt by then. He remembered receiving it on his 18th birthday from John. It was one of the few items of clothing in his wardrobe that actually fit him. How the fuck did he end up wearing it now?

GA: Do You Think A Button Up Is Too Uptight For This Occasion   
CG: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ME?   
CG: SHE WAS WEARING A DRESS WHEN SHE LEFT THE HOUSE.   
GA: Oh No   
CG: NO.   
CG: KANAYA I FORBIT YOU TO LOSE YOUR SHIT OVER A STUPID DATE.

Karkat groaned at his blue-white ceiling, balancing the computer on his thighs. It was all so easy, if they could just fucking see it. He thought they were past the first date stage already. At least Rose had been careful to talk as little as possible before leaving to pick Kanaya up. If the highway was clear, she ought to get there in just a couple of hours.

CG: KEEP IT TOGETHER, FOR GOD’S SAKE.   
GA: Its Not A Stupid Date   
GA: You Of All Should Know This Karkat   
CG: OH SO HAVING ME TELL YOU HOW FUCKING BIG OF A THING THIS IS WILL CALM YOU DOWN?   
CG: WOW, THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME. I’LL CHANGE MY APPROACH THIS INSTANT.   
GA: No Please   
GA: I Wonder If I Should Have Changed The Curtains   
CG: YES, BECAUSE SHE WILL TOTALLY BE LOOKING AT YOUR BLOODY CURTAINS.   
GA: I Guess Youre Right   
GA: Still   
GA: I Should Probably Calm Down   
CG: YOU DO THAT. IT’S GOING TO BE FINE.

That being done, Karkat let out a relieved sigh and glanced at his phone. Said glance eventually turned into a frown. He could practically feel his subconscious urging him to do something, but couldn’t, for the life of him, tell what. Okay, maybe...

His much-desired revelation was cut short by another chime from his computer. Same subconscious made him glare at his screen. Did he even want to know?

GG: hey valentine!!!   
GG: what’s up?

What the fuck was Harley doing online at this hour? If he had the correct timetables in his head, her classes had barely started a couple of hours before.

CG: ARE YOU SKIPPING CLASS AGAIN?   
GG: no mooooom   
GG: it’s break time and i was wondering how your day was going! :D   
CG: YOU’RE SAYING THAT LIKE TODAY’S SPECIAL OR SOMETHING.   
CG: I JUST HAD TO PEP TALK KANAYA ABOUT HER UPCOMING DATE WITH ROSE AND I HAVEN’T RECEIVED THIS MANY STRIPTEASE FLIERS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.   
CG: SHORTLY, MY DAY’S TERRIFIC.

So terrific, in fact, that he had forgotten to buy cinnamon rolls on his way home and he and Rose had finished the ice cream the week before. How the fuck was he supposed to have a lame and lonely movie night without those? Nothing was better at kicking the forlorn atmosphere up a notch than sweets.

GG: oh   
GG: haha i guess i’m a little early then :D   
CG: EARLY FOR WHAT?   
GG: ;)   
CG: JADE WE ARE NOT PLAYING THIS GAME AGAIN.   
CG: FUCK YOU, TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.   
CG: OR ARE GOING TO DO.   
CG: ARE ALL MY FRIENDS PSYCHO SERIAL KILLERS LATELY???   
GG: hehehe :D   
GG: oh that’s my bell! talk to you later karkat!

Now, as far as conspiracy theories went, Karkat couldn’t decide at which one of his friends’ hands he was going to die tonight. Probably Terezi. She had a talent for that and she knew it. 

Still, Karkat later recognised the tiny pest-particle that had erupted in his brain. It was Hope and Excitement’s lovechild and he didn’t remember letting those feelings mate in his head. He didn’t remember letting ANY emotion mate in his head, actually. But it was there.

It hung around while he begrudgingly made himself some evening pancakes and soaked them in syrup. It was there when he went downstairs to let the cat in and when he kicked its butt inside the apartment. It even kept, waveringly, to its place as he rewatched _Never Let Me Go_ , which was kind of impressive, if not extremely irritating. As Karkat put the last bit of drowned pancake in his mouth, his cheeks still wet from the inevitable crying, said particle was just finally starting to waver and to think of taking a paid vacation to visit the countryside. Then, his phone started vibrating and Karkat’s eyes drifted to the clock: 9 pm. John.

“What took you so long?” the brain-pest clicked the words on his tongue before he had the time to stop it. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck shit.

He heard a distant chuckle that was undeniably John’s (hey, he believed himself an expert by now), but no other words. He wondered if he’d been called by accident. His heart sank. However, he did not have time to wonder why the fuck that happened when sound started coming again from the device. Uh. What.

Karkat frowned deeply, drumming his fingers on his desk, but as seconds drew past, his brows relaxed and then raised themselves as his green eyes became globes of incredulity. “Oh, shit.”

He quickly swallowed any other words that tried to tip-toe out of his mouth and stared unseeing at his dark window. This was so not funny. This was so fucking...

Karkat found himself biting his lips against a whimper as John continued playing _Up!_ ’s _Married Life_ on his keyboard. Fuck his keyboard. Fuck his skill. Fuck John.

He really thought for the first minute that John was going to stop soon. But then it got slower and nostalgic and oh, shit, he was going for the entire thing. There was no way this was appropriate for Karkat as he was still hung-over from the Carey Mulligan. No part of him cared to remind him this should not have been appropriate in any circumstances. That was a stupid part and he had gotten rid of it years before. And a little more thoroughly after his and John’s first call.

Keeping his mouth tightly shut, Karkat reached up to get rid of the old tear stains. He had no time to wonder what the fuck was happening, however. John was actually playing. He was actually good. Really fucking good, to his ears. His red ears, by then. Allergies all around.

He was already content with thinking John was just going to keep playing until his hands would fall off at the wrists and his lungs and muscles would collapse (which sounded creepily romantic to him, in his state), when the song reached its end, letting the last note hang in the air for a long moment.

Karkat was feeling drunk, and for a good reason. “Uh,” he said intelligently, practically forcing his throat to swallow.

“Shoosh,” came John’s distant reply, sounding quite amused and why did his insides jolt instead of get annoyed at that?

“Nnh,” Karkat tried again, his reactions getting closer and closer to a Rincewind level of perfection. He swiftly shut up, but floated very slowly towards his reading chair. As he reached it, he promptly collapsed without a sound and waited.

Not for long, though.

It took him three moments. Oh, shit, his mind sobbed as he let John become the biggest asshole on Earth by going for _Rent_. What was even happening and when had his life become this? 

...That was a really nice cover. Nice enough to make his fingers tingle.

John, totally undisturbed, continued playing his adaption of _Seasons of Love_ in the phone. 

Then, the ending caught him as unprepared as the other one did. There was a shuffling noise on the other end, then the slight buzz of the background died down.

“Happy 14th of February, Karkat,” John said and the grin on his face was so audible Karkat felt the sudden need to smother himself with a pillow. “Are you there?”

“Mmph,” Karkat fought to open his mouth. Right. Speaking skills. “Yes.” Good job.

“Oh. Good. I was afraid you’ve abandoned me here...” There was a pause, but Karkat refused to use it. “So, well, er...did you like it?”

“Yeah,” the word escaped in a flash out of his mouth and Karkat glared at empty air. “What the fuck was that?” he turned back to his phone and shit, loathing the fact that his voice was not hard at all. Well, almost loathing it. It was a theoretical loath.

“Ah, just a couple of covers. I’ve been thinking what to prepare for you this entire time, since it was supposed to _blow your miiind_ , but I settled for these in the end. They seemed cute. Did you like the first one?” There was a certain resonance in his voice that, to the knowing listener, meant that John was biting his lips anxiously. Karkat, however, was a _little_ out of his depth at this moment.

“I hate you,” he ended up whispering and this time heard John’s sharp withholding of breath. Uh, yeah, that had not come out right. “That was fucking cruel.”

“What?” John’s voice jumped and Karkat, finally regaining his usual self, rolled his eyes. “But I, I just wanted to do something nice for you, since—”

“No, I meant... Wait. Since what?” Karkat raised an eyebrow, delaying taking back his words on purpose.

His friend let out a short, breathy laugh. “Y’know...”

“What?” Karkat distinctly felt something doing armadillo rolls in his stomach, but managed to ignore it for the moment.

“It seemed like something you’d like,” John masterfully circled the subject, face-innocent grin present in his voice. 

Karkat wished he had something larger and thicker on himself then. Like a blanket. Or his old sweater. Wearing something John had given him didn’t seem to help his situation at all. “What part of me looks like I’m the type to enjoy sappy songs over the phone?” he half-snapped, cheeks growing even warmer than before at his prepared lie.

He heard laughter again. “I don’t _know_ , Karkat. You’ve spent years trying to teach me how to grasp the basics of romance. I think I did a pretty good job.”

Was he— Was he hitting on him? Well, to put this question only after he’s played fucking love songs was plenty levels of dumb, but still. If he was to count the vague flirting of the last month and a half too, well. It was also a little disconcerting that neither of them seemed to have any objection to this behaviour.

“I—,” Karkat gave a live example of an experienced man dealing with such treatment. Exquisite. “Don’t flatter yourself.” He kept saying this to him, lately. He had to change his retorts soon, before John caught up with them.

“I learnt _The One That Got Away_ too,” John snickered and pressed a key evilly.

“Don’t you dare.” Shit, he had gone that far. That was a deadly weapon in John’s hands. Karkat felt legitimately scared.

John tried a few more keys, but eventually stopped. There wasn’t much he could do with only one hand, Karkat thought with relief. “So, compared to your and Jade’s virtual date last year...”

“What virtual date?” Karkat attempted to lie again. John had invented a new description for that term on that occasion and he seemed to be really disinclined to abandon it. It had only been a prolonged chat, for God’s sake! What did it matter it had lasted seven hours? Uh.

“Karkat, you’ve been surfing the internet together like scavengers for the entire night that time. You barely spared a moment to type a few words to me,” came the pouting voice. Damn it.

He scoffed. “What, were you jea—” the word died in his throat. Alright, back behind the friendship barrier.

Or, well, he could have at least tried to backpedal, but for John’s small “Mhm.”

“Oh.” Karkat tried counting the patterns on the wall before him. It didn’t work.

“Yeah, uh...” he heard John’s intake of breath and dared trying it too. “Do you want another song?” The decently cheerful voice came back in place, the slightest bit toned down now.

“Not that one, though,” Karkat objected hurriedly.

John’s assenting hum was all Karkat needed to go back to his entranced listening position. “Let’s try this one, then,” the other added before putting the phone aside to start playing.

Yes, because _Beauty and the Beast_ was such a more convenient choice. Karkat facepalmed before allowing himself to listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!  
> I think this is a good moment to start missing John.


	13. In which John makes a phone call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story will never get better than this.  
> Better than Dave with a bento box.  
> Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I wrote that, I felt like I've finally done a thing right.  
> There's not a lot more to go. I think.  
> Hopefully.  
> Thanks, dudes.

John woke up some time in March and promptly ignored the urge to hibernate. Outside, it had been raining for weeks already and when it wasn’t, the sky was doing such a good impression of grey jelly that it didn’t quite matter anymore. The window in his room was fancifully placed to capture all the grey beams of light at every hour of the day and to help the water pound loudly on the sill.

As he stood on the side of his small bed, John regarded Skaia with a critical eye. Weirdly enough, he was still okay with his wall paintings. From time to time, he wished he had someone to show them to, aside from Dave (who had helped him draw them, after all), Sollux (who had laughed) and Aradia (who had been charmingly excited about them). But no, this was John’s punishment for his embarrassingly long-lasting cowardice.

Like he’d done pretty much every day of the 7 months since he had moved cities to go to college, John grabbed his head with his hands. And pulled. Up until January, he had done this only on a metaphysical level, trying his best to maintain the shaky health of his hair, but after that, it all went to Hell.

John Egbert was facing a few common and some not-so-common problems for an almost-20-year-old:

1\. College assignments sucked and for the first time in years _he was so tired._  
2\. He hadn’t told Karkat yet about the thing.  
3\. He was thirsty.  
4\. Dave made some good pancakes but he wasn’t living with Dave so that meant no pancakes.  
5\. He didn’t have any clean socks in sight.

The clock on his desk read something like 10 am, but it was Friday or something, so he needn’t worry. There were no sounds coming from the rest of the apartment, so he guessed neither Sollux nor Aradia (it was a visit week) were awake. Shame, Aradia was pretty decent in the kitchen as long as she wasn’t given any dead animals to deal with. Those tended to get her overexcited. 

John yawned, then blinked. Oh. Also:

6\. He might have been...hitting on his best friend...for a couple of months now.  
7\. Ugh.  
8\. It wasn’t even intentional!

Okay, sometimes it was intentional. Just once. Or twice. Maybe four times. Six at best! Oh, God, he was going to Hell. He didn’t even know why or how it happened. He didn’t know if people usually knew why things like these happened.

For the hundredth time (and still not counting), John Egbert analysed his life as he was brushing his teeth and trying to make his expression in the mirror as dull as possible. He looked like a bachelor in a 50’s movie when he did that. No, actually, he just needed to shave.

Well, it wasn’t like Karkat was objecting to it too much. After all, he was Karkat, he had to complain at least a little. Maybe too little in this case, but nevertheless. It just started with the phone calls (which were a lot of fun), when he’d found out that Karkat was physically able to stammer if the right cord was being pulled. So John had tried them all.

He was completely innocent. Before this, he didn’t even know he possessed the ability to flirt. Scout’s honour.

Then there was that one time when he had crossed the line by a few moral-bus stops by playing some songs for Valentine’s Day. Heh, big deal. What were they, kids? Alright, maybe John could have chosen some less...adequate songs. It may have been a good idea to take Karkat’s serious views on romance into consideration too. Well, he _did_ , but used these in his favour. Gosh, he was such a horrible human being.

Shaving was no fun at all. Bleh.

And as an argument in his defence, John thought as he squinted at the mirror in the lame light of the bathroom, it wasn’t all that one-sided. Karkat had caught him off-guard a few times during these conversations too. Like that one time when he made Scott Pilgrim references the entire conversation even though he hated it. That was kind of romantic. On John’s terms.

Funnier than anything, after all this, John still hadn’t got around to tell him the, well, truth. It was gnawing at his insides like a starving shark-centipede.  
“Are you done in there?” came the pounding on the bathroom door just as John was washing his face again.

“I’m almost done in here,” he spluttered some water around, then grabbed a towel. “Who’s making breakfast?” he asked as he opened the door and got out of the way for Sollux to slip inside.

“Thanks for offering,” the asshole replied, grinning and closed the door in his face.

John glared at it for a moment, catching his breath. “Bluuh!”

Suburban noises done, he trailed his pyjama-clad body to the kitchen. Might as well get this done with before having to put on decent clothes. He put a kettle to boil for Aradia (and his) morning tea and took out the mugs, then stared at a frying pan for a few long minutes before turning his back to it, grabbing three plastic bowls from a cupboard and placing a big box of cereals in the middle of the table. He added the milk beside it and that was it. They deserved it for making him cook on a Friday. Or whatever day that was.

Aradia stumbled in by the time he was long since finished, so he hurried to pour her cup of tea too. The way her hair looked in the morning made it easier for him to sleep at night. He was not all alone in the world of dandelions.

“Lucky Charms!” she grinned and grabbed the box of cereals. “How are you today, John?” she asked him like every morning and he smiled and pushed the mug towards her.

“Marvelous,” he grinned and after that the bathroom door finally opened. Nobody wanted to have any idea what Sollux did in there to stay so long. “What are you two doing today?” John asked as they listened to Sollux scramble in the other room.

Aradia was blissfully munching on her cereals, like any trustworthy human being ought to. When she finished her mouthful, she twirled the spoon in the air. “I’ll clean the balcony,” she pointed through the wall, “Sollux is gonna refuse to cooperate with his teachers again,” she twirled the spoon some more, “then we’ll go out for the night, since I won’t be here next week.” She gave him a large smile.

John smiled in return. “Happy birthday.” One week early was one week before anyone else. “I’ll send you a cake.”

She clapped her hands together and grinned and John would have liked nothing more than to stay and chat, but he was very close to being late and still wearing loose sweatpants so, yeah. Hurrying time.

 

He’d had to wait until break time to look for Dave. They haven’t talked for real in a couple of weeks. “Shenanigans,” they both said at least once in their short chats, but it was mostly the tiredness and the amount of college work they had to do. When had it become so hard to keep up? Nobody knew.

John was just going down the corridor to the laboratory when his vision thankfully became full of Dave. The other raised a hand in recognition as red irises blinked. What he was doing in the science wing was a mystery, but he had a red bento box in his hands. It even had colourful stickers on it.

“Back at least in party town.”

John nodded and got a better hold of his lab coat. “Everything around here is dead and soggy, how did you manage to stay alive until now?” 

“Made igloos of ugly sweaters to keep us safe from the world, what do you think? Rose helped.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he grinned and proceeded to make a small summary of the last days of his life for the next few minutes. Then he couldn’t resist anymore. “Uh,” blue eyes trailed down and he pointed at the box, then they went up again, questioning.

Nothing out of the ordinary, Dave looked at him blankly and shook the bento a little. “Gotta feed my nii-chan if he intends to finish the second spawn of Lucifer today.”

John had heard that Dave was sister-bullied into taking care of his brother more in the past period of time, but he didn’t think he was taking it seriously until now. It was funny how he heard small news on this person he hadn’t got around to talk to both from Dave and from Karkat, though. 

John was at the moment 97% sure his best friend was living with Dave’s sister. He didn’t know what to do with that information, however, except keep it in and let it eat him from the inside.

“That’s...kind of cute,” John looked after him as Dave started going in the opposite direction.

Dave looked at him over his shoulder. “You bet your best prized pair of glasses it is. I even wore a maid outfit while preparing it.”

It probably wasn’t a good idea to think whether that was true or not. From what he’d seen Dave do for irony’s sake, this wasn’t past him. So John simply smiled, then turned around and went to his last half of classes of the day.

The ordeal started when he had only one left to go. John knew it. This was the day. He could do it today. He could do it because he hadn’t thought about it in two days and this moment was random so he could do it. 

Waiting hurt so badly, though. As the professor explained to them some revolutionary theory that was doomed to fail, thus breaking the spirits of half of his colleagues, John was only half paying attention to his words. He was doing so just enough to be able to take notes. He always understood everything better at home, with Sollux’s tinkering in the background and in a more comfortable chair.

The closer the end of the last class got, the more aware John became of the fact that , yet again, he had no idea what he was going to do to keep his sanity intact. Well, almost intact. John Egbert-ish intact.

 

Some minutes later, the non-rainy outside world claimed him for itself. It was just warm enough for him not to freeze in his blue hoodie and relatively thin T-shirt. Dodging a few enthusiast (or not really) students, he got almost halfway to the bus station (he was intent on doing the deed at home, for lack of a better idea) when he glanced sideways and changed his mind.

John Egbert, 19 years of age, future Master of Science and currently totally not desperate to hear a word from his best friend, was going to get a coffee and finally get his shit together. After seven months of waiting for the impossible to happen. It was a dangerous move, but he was a man of adventure. Well, not really, he had got enough of adventuring and fisticuffs while Jake had been around for Christmas. Damn, his bruises had hurt like a lonely birthday party that time.

_i need to talk to you. – john_

That was swift enough to guarantee a fast response, but the use of punctuation ought to show Karkat that he was not in a life-or-death situation. He got inside the cafe and, since the table he’d shared with Dave the first time was occupied, he seated himself at a smaller one in the far corner.

It took half of his coffee for Karkat to give life signs. Uh oh, alright. Here went nothing. “Hello, Karkat,” John grinned at the table. This had to be as casual as possible.

“You have some nerves to give me typed red alert and then use that tone,” Karkat huffed on the other end of the line as if he was going to hang up on him, but John knew better. A moment later, his friend was chiller than an iceberg. “What did you want to talk about?”

John felt his throat constrict and giggled breathlessly. “All in good time, Karkat. Are you busy?”

“I called you,” Karkat did an audible eyeroll John had to laugh at.

“Great. Uh, wait a second,” he downed the rest of his coffee and got up from the table. He could not do this sitting down. His nervous feet were shaking the table from underneath. “Riiight,” he pushed the door open and the late afternoon air washed him in cold gusts. Mm, lots better. “So, if you remember that offer...”

Karkat sounded distracted for a moment as he hummed. “Ugh, which one?”

John dodged a few parked cars and started walking in the opposite direction of his home. “The one...” He took a deep breath. He could do this. It would only take a few seconds and then it would be over. Just a few seconds. He could do it. He was the hero. It was him. “I think we should meet.”

The lack of response on the other side made his breath catch in his throat with every gulp. He had talked too fast. Damn it. In the end, however, he heard his friend again. “Er...sure, fine. What, uh, did you have in mind?”

John couldn’t believe he had spent years of his life avoiding a question that had such a simple answer. Gods, was he stupid. “Um, I was thinking of next week? Whenever you’re free. I’m in town.”

“Oh.” Dun. Dun. Dun? “Wait, what. Since when? Why?” There it came. The million-dollar question.

John stifled a nervous wave of laughter. “It’s a long story.” There was unconfident humming on the other side, so he added rapidly. “I’ll tell you all about it when we meet!”

“Er,” if there had been any intention of arguing in Karkat’s mind, it had blissfully given up. “...alright then. Do you have somewhere to stay and stuff like that...?”

The walls were inching in on him from all sides. “Yes, yes, of course! Told you, I’ll explain.” He sighed to himself. “In ample detail.”

Come on, Karkat, have a little faith in your friend that’s been hiding things from you for seven months already! “Why next week, then? I’m...I’m free before that too.”

Oh. Oh, dear, too soon. “Well, since it’s Friday...,” John grinned and turned a corner through grey skyscrapers and glass walls. At least it wasn’t during lunchtime now, so the avenue was fairly empty, if you didn’t count the cars.

“It’s Tuesday, John.” Oh. Ohhh! Now everything made more sense! He knew he didn’t have that many classes on Friday!

“Oh. Haha, sorry. Lost track of time.”

“Backwards,” Karkat commented and John narrowed his eyes at the street before him. Smartass.

“Whatever. So, uh...”

“Friday’s good. I have to work the next two days and I get off too late. Is that okay?” 

John did a subtle punch in the air. “Yep, it’s _brilliant_.”

“Oh, please, not again,” Karkat groaned and John grinned some more.

“It is _brilliant_ , though. So, where do you want to meet?” he asked, but then there was a bustle of sounds on his friend’s side and he had to detach himself from the phone a little. 

Fresh shopping from Rose, or something. John knew she liked to buy things in bunches and Karkat had complained on a few occasions about the amount of ornamental pillows she bought. Well, details could be arranged online. He was giddy for the rest of the day.

 

Thursday morning and John was glowing so much Dave must have wished he hadn’t left his shades at home. Well, since he was in withdrawal, he was wishing that anyway, but let’s keep it there for the story’s sake. Nevertheless, John could hardly even keep the smile off his face. He had to, in the end, since the teachers were starting to give him odd looks.

He had been so energetic for the past few days that he’d done laundry twice. That did not mean he knew what exactly he was going to wear tomorrow. Far from it. No, it meant that he had more possibilities to go through in the hour between arriving from college and going back, the next day. Don’t look at him like that. Anything over 3 T-shirts meant a lot of possibilities.

After the last class of the day, meaning, after he’d almost blown one colleague’s experiment up and misplaced all his assessments, John was waiting, quite chilly, for Dave to get out from the History of Art department. His friend, although he still didn’t really know what the deal was about, had caught on his happy-tiring anxiety and invited him over. Finally. 

So John didn’t have to think about anything else but robots for an afternoon. However, he’d have appreciated if Dave moved faster. Toes freezing, toes freezing, toes freezing. Why was it so cold in March. “Hello, Dave.” Ha! Master trickster, he jumped. “I want to play a game,” John smirked at the unsettled blond and beamed once he was glared at.

“Don’t even think about it.” Dave pushed his bag in his arms and proceeded to stuff his remaining notebook in it before taking it away. “You’re turning blue, let’s go.”

So they went. And, well, apart from the overflowing elevator that had them going up the stairs 5 storeys until they could finally get in (who the hell owned an apartment at the top of a skyscraper, let’s be honest), they didn’t encounter any problems on the way. Which was good because this way John had had the opportunity to see Dave growing more and more anxious about taking him home. It was funny, if only because of the chance to hear the otherwise online ramblings on air.

When Dave opened the door and checked the surroundings, John couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that nothing had fallen on their heads. Also, the house was cleaner that he’d expected. Dave blamed it on the ironical shoving of porn magazines and runaway puppets (since there still were a few in the house to this day) into the closet the night before.

However, John’s sense of danger got in place once he caught a glimpse of ninja stars and swords on a few walls. He knew that, when needed, he could become a big enough of a klutz that he would be able to accidentally chop his own head off. Okay, exaggeration, just the hands.

Dave stopped midway presumably to his room in order to point at another one, with its white door ajar. “Stay away from that one unless you want to become the next Oswin Oswald.” John blinked and the other’s hand moved to another door. “That one too. I haven’t cleaned the kitchen.”

Well, then. “I don’t know, dude, the Oswin situation is a little fishy. May not be such a bad situation in the end,” John grinned and he was soon shoved into another room. He widened his eyes at what he saw. “Oh. This is kinda cool.”

“ _Kinda_ thanks,” Dave responded and closed the door behind them after throwing another peek outside.

Dave’s room was around the size of Sollux’s, with the exception that this one looked like it’d been intended to be a bedroom from the beginning. The bed was a dead giveaway. Other than that, before noticing the fancy red-and-black turntables, the folded easels or the amount of drawing paper and sketches inside, John’s eyes were caught by the post-its. Or, better said, it couldn’t escape them.

Although Dave’s walls weren’t any kind of empty, being either covered in sketches or blotches of paint, the post-its were spread on close to 70 percent of them. The scariest part was that, from what John could see, there wasn’t even one left unwritten. He would’ve expected Dave to at least leave some like that, if just to create the aesthetic appeal sooner.

Then, he observed the pigeon in a formaldehyde jar. “Uh.” He went back to the walls, putting his bag on Dave’s computer chair as he got closer. Five minutes later, he looked back at Dave, who had in the meantime took a seat on his bed and proceeded to wait. “Dude, some people use notebooks. How do you keep track of these?” he pointed at the sticky bits of paper or, rather, at the lyrics written on them, since that was what most of them presented.

Quite unperturbed, Dave shrugged. “It’s an art. Okay now, here—”

“Oh, that’s so cool you have a keyboard too!” said John as he inspected a larger box that was leaning on one side of the turntables. “A tiny one, at least,” he chuckled and glanced at his friend again. “Do you use it?”

“...” Dave stated for a moment, then threw his legs over the side of the bed, although still not getting up. “Not very much. It’s not as easy as you may think.” Why, hello, Mr. Serious Face.

“Pfff,” was John’s intelligent statement before he unpacked it and set it in front of him swiftly. The other at first seemed on the verge of saying something, but the fast way in which John’s hands had worked without breaking anything had apparently made him doubt his own wariness. “Here we go,” John grinned at the keyboard and pressed a few notes. Then, everything seemingly okay, he flexed his fingers and tried a short song. His subconscious noted with a snort that he had chosen a child-friendly one this time. The harsh treatment was only used on Karkat. Oh, shit, tomorrow was Friday. Better not to think about that.

When he was done, John raised a triumphant grin at Dave, whose expression was at the moment unreadable. “Oh,” he eventually said, all for making John’s grin larger.

“Yes, _oh_. You should’ve told me you had one! I had to visit music stores incognito before I finally got my own.” He had even put on a fedora a couple of times. Needless to say, the shop owners had still given him suspicious looks.

“Thank God.” Dave blinked. “For a moment I thought you had suddenly got in touch with your musician ancestors.” He paused to examine him. “Even though you’re far too pale. You know Beethoven could have been black, right?”

“That’s such a bad lie, Dave, I’m ashamed.” John tried a few more notes. Then something passed his mind and he tried again. “Bluh, this sounds sooo much better on the piano.”

In the meantime, Dave had placed himself beside him, probably to be sure that he was not being pranked. “Could you play the first one again?” Oh, ever the unbeliever.

Quite amused, John indulged him and then stopped mid-tone as the door was opened. Both of them looked up, then something squeaked faintly on the other side. Then Dave rushed to the door and stepped half-outside.

“Oh, fuck no. Why did he charge your batteries again? Oh, my God, no, you can’t come inside. Stop! Why are you pushing me?” From his place behind the keyboard, John could only see Dave’s figure making small steps back into the room. Then a familiar, tiny metallic thing coming after him.

He was there in a matter of seconds. “Sweet gobblestains, this is so awesome! Uh, hello!” he waved a little and went down on his knees to be at eye-level with the robot. “He’s even cuter in reality, Dave! Why are you so scared?” he extended a hand in order to poke it, but it was caught by the other’s metallic kinda-claw. Dave let out a resolutely girly gasp, but John only giggled as he watched the action unfold. “Look, he’s shaking my hand.”

“John, that thing’s dangerous,” Dave almost whispered, which made everything even more ridiculous.

He kept shaking...uh, hands with the robot, grinning widely. “Dave, this thing is as dangerous as Jade’s dog.” Well, what Dave didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

“That’s what I’ve been telling him,” a crouched figure on the other side of the door said and, since Dave was still talking, John settled for silently smiling and waving at it. He got a smirk and a wave back.

“Dogs have fangs and claws. Hey, what are you doing here? Get your lame cyborg off of my friend.”

The other regarded him with an unimpressed, but hiddenly amused look. “Relax, man, they’re making good friends.”

Meanwhile, the short Squarewave thing was tilting its head on way or the other at John, who was mostly either smiling at it or mirroring its movements. The eyes were really funny, though. And it even had a little hat and sneakers, how awesome was that?

“Besides, the dude looks like Christmas hit all over again.” Sensing that the talk was about him, John raised his eyes to meet amber ones, then a half-gloved hand was extended over Squarewave’s shoulder. “Dirk.”

“John, nice to meet you. This one’s genius work,” he gestured at the entire robot, who only raised its head a little too look at him. 

Dirk seemed to regard it for a moment as if deciding whether the affirmation was based on truth or not. “I guess.” Then he smiled and winked back at John. “Thanks.”

“Hey.” Ever the possessive in denial, Dave raised his voice a little, but, instead of saying something more, he just went further away in his room.

“He’ll have even more fun once I finish the language program,” Dirk added once his brother was out of earshot and then got off the floor, John following suit. His knees already stung a little.

He blinked. “Does that mean it will be able to talk?”

Dirk smiled.

“Wow.” He couldn’t get too excited because the next thing a post-it was plastered on his forehead. And on the robot’s. And finally, by a surprising ninja force, on Dirk’s. Dave was doing the closest thing he could do to fuming.

The notes, in order, were reading _‘don’t trust anything he says’, ‘get out of my room’_ and _‘don’t even try to computerize your way into his pants’._

Dirk held up his hands once he’d read his. “I’m completely innocent.”

“You’re ridiculous,” John laughed at his friend and, feeling sorry for the poor thing, unstuck the post-it from Squarewave’s face.

“You’ll change your mind when he’ll intoxicate your thoughts with expensive pear juice and talks about brains made out of cheese and Beltagne fires.”

“Since when do you drink pear juice?” John had thought the apple juice business was a family trait.

They both shrugged at the same time, proof that there still was a bit of twin-ness in there. “Practical revenge joke from our dear sister.”

“We gave her KitKats for Christmas.”

“She’s what you’d call self-induced allergic to chocolate.”

John didn’t know if he’d ever have kids. But he was pretty sure this was how being proud of them would feel.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, hold your horses, it's coming soon.


	14. In which John tells the story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had probably waited long enough to say this.

There are a lot of things that could be said about Fridays. For some, it is a free day. For others, whether it is the 26th or the 13th, it’s dangerous. Some say that Friday they’re in love. John Egbert was not yet in love, but judging from the time he spent in the bathroom that morning, some would say he wasn’t far from it either.

The prayer for the day was:

_Prospit University, Prospit Avenue, 4 o’clock, wear something blue._

Karkat had suggested that one, since he wanted to make sure John could get to the meeting place intact and Prospit was most stand-off-ish building in the city centre. It was borderline golden, for god’s sake! Now he only had to go through the day’s classes intact and wait until it was time to leave again.

His hair looked more decent now too. With a little luck, he would not encounter any wind and he would not end up looking like a freshly bathed-and-dried goldendoodle.

Ha.

Hahahaha, said Fate as he was pushed this way and the other as much on the way to as on the way back from college.

In fact, in was so bad that, a few hours later, when he emerged from the educational building, he couldn’t even keep his hood up. Midday winds. Hopefully, they’d be better in the afternoon.

Well, at least Sollux was not home at this hour, so it meant he could stay in the bathroom for as long as he liked. Judging from the situation, a half-an-hour shower was the way to go. Then many minutes of brushing his teeth. So many minutes. A vague attempt to make him hair chill out, which turned into a declaration of war, so he stepped back before the battle commenced and, finally, he was dressing up with only ten minutes remaining until he was to go outside again.

He vaguely (that is to say, fiercely) wondered what they were going to do as he looked at the 10 dollar bill in his wallet. He added a second one, just to be safe. Then, he finished the bottle of water he had lying around, which, at a second thought, had not been such a good idea, so he rushed to the bathroom again.

He was out of the building with a 5-minute delay, but he could work with that. He only had to make bigger steps. And hurrying was a good way of not thinking about getting nervous. Not that he wasn’t doing that anyway.

The only problem was, when he got to the zebra crossing, the thought of what was actually going to happen hit him harder than necessary and he found his breathing a little ragged. Alright, a lot. He was also early, which should have been impossible, but what was normal in his life anymore?

At this hour, Prospit Avenue was covered with the averagely young parcel of people working or going to school around there. It was more crowded that at the first hour of the morning, but one could walk along it without the danger of being smothered to death.

The Sun was still pretty much up, making the university’s windows gleam white as John watched it from across the street. His hands were busily working on his blue hoodie’s zipper and on its pockets and his feet were anxiously patting the ground as he waited for the light to turn green. Oh, there it went.

Then John had tried waiting around on a bench in front of the university gates. He had shifted and dangled his feet in the air for a short while as he watched the cars and busses go by. Needless to say, it didn’t do him too much good, so now he was walking up and down the street, near Prospit’s tall, white outer walls. From time to time, he reached his hand to his mouth to nibble on the end of his sleeve. Being early sucked. His chewed anorak was there to attest for it.

He also had a weird, very uncomfortable feeling in his stomach that simply stopped him from standing still. His sneakers squeaked unnaturally on the sidewalk and John stopped to look at the clock. 4:01, oh god, it was starting. Any moment now. Any moment. John thought he could ooze excitement if provoked.

The cold spring wind moved his hair this way and that and clouds had covered the city sky the entire day, looming with possible rain for that night. John could still smell the spring, however, and it calmed him a little. They still sold snowdrops on the street-corners and he longed for that smell. They didn’t have those in his home-town. As he reached the gates again, John feared looking at his phone. Well, not really feared, but he knew Karkat ought to be there soon (hopefully) and in accordance with that, time didn’t really matter anymore.

He dared turning to look across the street, though, trying to guess if any of the people waiting at the crosswalk were of immediate interest to him. There were too many of them, so that, too, was useless. A few minutes had passed when, from the corner of his eye, he became aware that someone was standing still a metre or so at his left. John evened his breath and finally glanced that way. Slo-oo-owly.

The other didn’t seem to be breathing. “Hey. John?” John nodded through shivers. The other nodded. “Good. Late train, sorry. Uh, how the fuck aren’t you freezing?”

John let out a shuddering laugh. “Oh, I am,” and he zipped his jacket gratefully back up. The wind was actually pretty damn cold, now that he was reminded of it. Then he stared at the other again. “Hi, Karkat.” Man, that felt weird.

“Hi,” his friend said, once he found out that there was nothing better to say.

So, naturally, “Hi,” he said back, leaning from his heels to his toes as not to jump. He was taking it all in. Karkat had this ridiculously large, grey hoodie and he was keeping his hands deep in its pockets as he stood in front of him. He looked...nothing like he’d expected.

Lime green eyes seemed to scan the entirety of John from behind a too-long fringe and then they blinked up at him. His friend opened his mouth and seemed a little at a loss for words before letting out a breath. “You look decent.”

John let out a breathy laugh and it seemed to affect Karkat too, since the corners of his mouth went up perceptibly. “Gee, thanks, Karkat. You’re, uh...” John fought off all his known adjectives, “...not quite as short as I’ve expected.” That was true. They were almost the same height.

The statement also seemed to have helped Karkat’s shoulders relax. Hell yes. John then smiled a little more when he saw that his friend was wearing one of the shirts he’d sent him. Also, his hair was funny. Wavy and cute. 

John decided he liked his button nose too. Also his face. Karkat had a startlingly nice face. It prevented John’s brain from processing quickly. He couldn’t believe they were there, standing in front of each other. He was buzzing from inside out and they weren’t saying anything why weren’t they saying anything.

“Are we going to stay here and goggle at each other the entire time?” Karkat frowned, then raised an eyebrow and oh, John was going to drink in all these facial expressions, they were _dashing_.

“’Course not,” he then grinned and turned sideways a little. “We can go somewhere and do that there.”

Karkat’s puffs were even funnier in real life.

 

“How do you know where you’re going?” Karkat inquired as John led them both down some narrow streets behind the park. They ought to find an entrance right behind The Queen. That was a secluded enough place.

He promptly ignored the question. Up until now, they’ve made particle-sized talk during which they were both probably getting used to each other’s voices all over again. For one, John was quite enthralled by Karkat’s gesticulation, which was just as energetic as his facial expression. It was a little overwhelming, but he loved every second of it.

“How long have you been here?” came the second question as they pushed the gate open and confronted a dozen tall bushes and trees.

“Oh, around seven months,” John muttered and quickly ducked under a semi-dry bush, heart racing unhealthily in his chest. 

There was The Queen, right in front of him now. There were a couple post-apocalyptic benches near it and the actual alley was only a splash of grey in between other few bushes from where he was standing now.

“What,” Karkat yelped and John heard a branch crash over his friend’s face before sighing and taking a seat on the least broken-down bench. “Wait, wait. Let’s backtrack a bit,” the other finally got out of the herbal hell and brushed tiny dead leaves from his hair (without too much success). 

Thankfully, though, he sat down too and John met his gaze with as much evenness as he could muster. He hated having to do this when everything ought to be fun, but it was getting past ridiculous at this point. Oh, well, he’d brought it upon himself.

“Well,” John let out a shaky breath and shifted to face Karkat fully. Ugh, this was gonna be harder than he’d ever wished it to be. “Here comes my long story. Um,” he made a frightened face, “please don’t yell at me until I’m done.”

Karkat blinked impassively, even though he clearly expected John to confess to killing his whole family.

“You told me you were going to college here and Prospit was in my top 5 university options and I really wanted to meet you but you also forbid me from ever doing so a few years back but I didn’t really think of that when I applied and I really wished to tell you but I was scared you were going to be mad at me forever and then I thought we would somehow bump into each other on the street and things would work out but that was dumb and I am so sorry for doing this to you and for waiting so long to finally tell you all of this I am so fucking sorry...”

That was probably going to be the longest thing he’d ever say in his entire life. If he was going to live that much longer. He couldn’t feel his tongue anymore and his throat hurt and he was staring wide-eyed and a little teary at Karkat, who was frowning in disbelief at him and it hurt so much. Still, John had to let him process it all and hope he wouldn’t have to say it all over again, maybe this time even using punctuation.

Karkat’s bright green eyes narrowed at his face and then drifted off to the statue or to something invisible around them as he tried to push out words. “Oh, my fucking God,” he eventually stated and glanced at John again. “John! _What the fuck_.”

“I know...” John almost whined at the Universe, forgetting himself and starting to chew on his sleeve again.

“What the everflipping fuck am I even supposed to say now?” the other stared at The Queen’s back for a few moments before their gazes met again and although he couldn’t dare to voice it out loud, John was putting all his efforts into barricading his answer in his eyes. By some finally-merciful circumstances, the message seemed to have reached Karkat nevertheless, as he sighed shortly. John bit hard on the blue material. “Don’t look at me like that, I am not breaking up with you. Just, shit, let me process this thing for a moment.”

John did so. Karkat turned sideways from him and stared thoughtfully at the ground as he clenched and unclenched his hands for a while. Then, he messed up his hair and gripped his head and John almost reached over to probably calm him down before stopping himself short and nibbling some more.

After what seemed like the creation of the Universe all over again, Karkat shook his head and time started rolling normally once more. “And they said I was the movie maniac.” 

Despite everything, John couldn’t help it; he let a small, pained smile form on his face and kept on being quiet. Then, Karkat turned his face to him and oh, thank every god in existence, it didn’t look like someone ready to friend-dump him harshly. They blinked at each other. For the first time, John had had to remember how to do that.

“John,” Karkat saying his name was perhaps the weirdest thing he’d ever got attached to. “Calm down. Breathe and shit, I’m not armed.” He even flailed his hands a bit to make his point and John breathed out a shaky laugh. Karkat rolled his eyes. “Better. Now that’s settled, uh...” He was working really hard on saying something, even John could see it. “Some help here? I’m not exactly into doing monologues at the moment.”

John blinked a few times. “Oh. Er... Same topic?”

Karkat as well as slapped himself. “Of course the same topic, stupid, this is important here.” Oh. Right. Right, of course. John, stop being an idiot. 

“Uh. I don’t know. I...I...”

“Where do you fucking live?” his friend sighed forlornly at the grey sky.

Okay, that was fairly easy. “In an apartment with one of Jade’s school friends. It’s small, but it’s pretty great, I guess. It’s around...there,” he waved in the approximate direction of his home, “It’s really close to the university, so I guess that’s a good point...” He raised his head.

Uh. Why was Karkat looking at him like that? John made a lame attempt at a shrug and smiled back at him, hoping that would stop him. Relatively. “I’m still in doubts whether you’re actually telling the truth or pulling my leg in a brain-damaged prank.”

“What? No! I wouldn’t do that. This is...way too bad to be a prank.” He was such a shitty friend.

It was getting colder and colder. “No, this is...,” Karkat started to say, but stopped short to chew on his lower lip as he stared at the trees in front of them. “...probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever gonna do for me,” he mumbled and John’s eyes widened even against the wind. “Talking in very mentally ill terms, I mean,” his friend backpedalled and pulled his hoodie closer to his body. “That’s so fucking sad. And you’re a shit, too. You’re not the only one who’d had to live here practically alone for months. You could’ve thought about that before indulging in your own shame.”

Even as he said it, Karkat sounded lonely and John wanted to throw a tone of rocks into a lake before tying his feet to a car and jumping with it in the water too. “I’m...”

“Shit, it’s fine.” No, no, it really wasn’t. “It could’ve been worse.” True, he could have yelled at him. Was that worse? John was not so sure anymore. “But what the fuck is there to do about it now?”

He had a point. Still, John felt like shit, but he quickly decided that he would make it up to Karkat by doing nice things in the future instead of sulking and wishing the past hadn’t happened. This was possibly the most inspirational his brain had been in years.

“Um, we could catch up...,” John tried and Karkat raised an eyebrow in his direction before leaning back on the bench.

“Shoot.”

 

John had went as far as trying to explain what the hell The Queen was about, but Karkat grew impatient at that point and made a psychological analysis of it for ten minutes. A tiny Rose was developing in his brain. Then, as the Sun began to descend, they started circling the park and Karkat had been okay with it because what the fuck would they do if not that.

“So you say Jade knew about all this shit.” John nodded and kicked a pebble. “And kept it a secret? For months?”

John tittered a little. “It’s not thaaat astonishing.”

That had apparently been the wrong answer, judging from the look he got sent his way. “John, if a dozen silent monks were fed Veritaserum for years and then thrown into The Invention of Lying’s universe, they’d still be better at lying than you two are.”

“Well, it’s not strictly _lying_...”

“Don’t make me punch you.”

He shut up and looked at the lake and hey, the ducks were back. That was such a relief. And that relief added to the one that, for the first time in months, John didn’t feel like a sad, comic-relief character in a book. As his life took a turn for the normal, he felt more flesh and bone and less ink and paper-y and that was a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now.  
> Gotta wrap this up in the next 2-3 chapters.  
> You guys really deserve a treat for going through 14 chapters without ~anything~ going on.  
> so...  
> ...wow  
> thank you


	15. In which Karkat hears the story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He probably couldn't have done something dumber if he tried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, oh, wow, holy shit. That was a lot of feedback. Jesus. THank you!  
> Somebody liveblogged. That was a first for me. Thank, thank you too.  
> Also, well, I wasn't planning to put the last chapter's events from Karkat's PoV too, but since you guys gave me the idea, I tried it and, well, it went alright.  
> So here you go.

Karkat had been forced to dismiss Movie Friday that week. He’d been made to do it late at night, dressed in pyjamas and completely vulnerable against a freshly-arrived, intimidating Rose. She smiled. She said she understood. She said he ought to get some sleep before the next day.

She wasn’t home when he woke up, but he woke up late as shit, so it wasn’t a surprise. He had awful classes that day and half the mind to skip them, but breaking routine on this day wasn’t a good idea, no matter how shitty said routine may have been. It usually led to disasters.

Madness-induced words of the day were:

_Prospit University, Prospit Avenue, 4 o’clock, look for something blue._

Prospit and late classes meant he wouldn’t get the chance to get home before leaving again, but at least this way John (that idiot!) wouldn’t be able to get lost. Just...ugh...what was he even doing here? The question ate Karkat from inside out the more John said he’d explain everything. _Was he okay?_

Sure, Karkat was on his own version of Cloud 9 because holy shit, John had actually kept his word about meeting someday and this time there was no snow storm coming and it was probably actually going to happen. This also terrified him to no end. He hadn’t been this scared even when those shitty doctors kept him three weeks in the hospital. And he’d been 11!

Morning light wobbled in from outside and hit the wardrobe and Karkat’s dumbstruck profile as he stared at its insides. What the fuck was he even going to wear? Why the fuck did he care? Because this was John and it had been his idea and what was he even thinking now, after they’d blatantly hit on each other for a good deal of time. 

No, fuck that. John was his best friend. He needn’t worry. And still, he did, and nothing seemed good enough until he saw himself wearing the ridiculous, ironic galaxy shirt John had given him the year before. _Oods in Space_. What even.

Now he only had to get through the day without getting pissed off or being late.

Ha.

Hahahaha, said Fate directly in his face as some eldritch professor decided to spontaneously test their knowledge about medieval Spanish literature. Seriously?

Karkat got out the university a few too many times more nervous than the law allowed. Then the cold afternoon hit his stupid face and got in his lungs and it all felt better. Zipping his grey hoodie on the go, he went for the subway station. He had enough time to get to Prospit. Hell, he might even be early.

He wasn’t sure he wanted that.

No.

Staying by himself in front of a horrendously big building while waiting for his faceless best friend to arrive didn’t sound good at all. What if he’d look the other way and they hear that god damned ‘Hey, Karkat’ in John’s awful, dazzling voice. What would he even do.

Turns out, he needn’t worry about that either. The train was late. Very late. The station was packed and he would have went back up if he didn’t know the traffic jams near Prospit were even worse than whatever was going on here.

It was 3:56 pm and he wondered if John was already there. He also wondered briefly how he was going to be at the end of the day, after all this was over. Then the train finally arrived.

The avenue was bustling with people, but it wasn’t as bad as he’d sometimes seen it. Such a relief. Now he had to look for something blue, but he was currently at the crosswalk. He could postpone it a little bit.

There were knots going all around his body and he felt like he was trembling from inside out so much that he wanted to curl into a ball and he couldn’t stop moving for fear of the feeling getting worse. It was as if something inside was laughing at him.

_Well, you laugh, you little fucker, we’ll see who feeds you tonight._

Surely, there was no mistaking it. Karkat knew as much when he saw the blue hoodie just in front of the University gates and he stopped halfway through. The first thought his mind uttered was: _It’s not fair._ Then it went: _That hair is worse than mine._ Until finally: _He looks just like he should._

But still: _How the Hell am I going to talk to_ that _??_ Nevertheless, Karkat crossed the leftover distance and stopped a metre or two away from his best friend, hoping he wasn’t harbouring a deer in the headlights look but at the same time knowing that he totally did.

Then John turned blissfully slowly and _holy shit, they made eyes that colour?_ Wow, he really ought to have a talk to the Guy Upstairs about this shit. Second of all, he forgot to inhale. Right. 

“Hey.” In and out, too fast. “John?” The one in front of him nodded and this image was _so John_ that he needn’t have asked. “Good,” he gulped dumbly. “Late train, sorry. Uh, how the fuck aren’t you freezing?” He was cold himself, the avenue currents were demonic, but that blue thing looked thinner than what he had. Figured. John lived on the warmest coast.

“Oh, I am,” his friend laughed softly and real life had some really good sound quality, now that he tried it. “Hi, Karkat.”

There it was. Karkat wasn’t sure what he was crushing more on: the voice or the owner. Huzzah, late night epiphanies! No, but seriously, not admitting it was getting ridiculous. “Hi.”

“Hi,” John grinned shyly and bounced a little on his feet and Karkat saw and felt his blue eyes trailing over him, so the stubborn part of his brain made him do the same in return.

Where was his promised ‘80s geek kid with the braces and giant glasses? Not here, that was sure. John looked so _real_ , so...yeah. “You look decent.” Because why not?

At least it made him laugh again. “Gee, thanks, Karkat. You’re, uh...” Karkat held his breath again, fists clenching and unclenching subtly in his pockets. “...not quite as short as I’ve expected.”

That...was not even something that deserved a reply. Karkat went back to staring. He’d heard John complain about his hair almost on a daily basis for the past few years, but now that he actually got around to see it... Well, it wasn’t so bad.

No, it actually was, but it somehow worked. Or maybe Karkat wanted so much for his friend to be there and himself and nothing more that he was going to accept any anomalies. That hair looked like something Hagrid would steal an egg from.

But enough of that. “Are we going to stay here and goggle at each other the entire time?”

John seemed to find something fascinating on his face from the way his eyes and smile widened. “’Course not. We can go somewhere and do that there.”

 

It had been four hours. It was probably time for a numbered list and some aggressive overthinking for the road.

1\. _Seven months_. Fuck.  
2\. Karkat had yet to understand how this came to happen. In fact, it was particularly hard for him to accept the fact that John really didn’t have any ulterior motives for doing all that shit. It was hard to get it in his head that this time he had been the number one priority in this strikingly idiotic turn of events.  
3\. He wanted so much to think of it all as the dumbest thing he’d ever been supposed to take part in and then maybe give John hell for a few days and then get back to their beginning of normal. He hated knowing and caring that nobody was ever going to do something of this scale for him again as long as he lived. Why the fuck would they? He wasn’t _that_ hard to please.  
4\. This hadn’t helped his feelings-fondue settle down. Obviously.  
5\. With that giant weight off his shoulders, John was _radiant._

They were aimlessly walking through the city now and the white and yellow artificial lights were acting like a veil. It was very cold, there was no doubt, but since there was no sky, just a patch of black overhead, it felt like they were walking in a bubble. John had managed to forget his misery and embarrassment as soon as Karkat gave him the chance to do so and the late evening was going quite fine.

Karkat couldn’t remember when he’d last talked so much with somebody face to face. Rose had her talkative moments, but they were usually interrupted by her need to look mysterious. Family flaw. Dirk (because he had yet to dismiss their fortnightly outings) usually preferred to do most of the talking, since there was no one around to hold it against him. And, well, that was it. He couldn’t say he’d given others that many chances.

But once John had got a hold of himself again, he started doing that creepy thing he usually used on Pesterchum or over the phone, the one that made him feel the need to outtalk him. Karkat wasn’t stupid. He had guessed long ago that it was probably an effect to the fact that John was probably the most active listener one’s ever got. It was as if he wanted nothing more than to hear his friends talk. _Friend_ , in this case. Karkat didn’t know for sure if he did that for the others too, but he guessed he probably did.

“Does this look familiar to you?” John asked as he stopped at the corner of a boulevard and reached his hand to his mouth, lips and knuckles almost touching.

For some spectacularly stupid reason, Karkat caught himself almost imitating the movement. He shrugged it off and looked at the street. “I work at the end of it.”

“Really? I haven’t really got around here yet. I think...” he raised his other hand to chest level between them and opened it, palm up. “Shall we?” he probably had a master degree in goofy smiles. Good for him he’d eventually decided to visit a dentist in his late childhood. There was still a faint reminder buckteeth that Karkat was trying really hard not to find adora--..., but that was it.

Karkat, being totally himself, pushed the hand away and continued walking. He wasn’t _that_ easy. “It’s mostly shitty stores for shitty people who buy shitty things.” He glanced sideways and John was still smiling, waiting. “But they have horribly good ice-cream across the road.” The idiot had, after all, expressed his 8-month-pregnant-level cravings for close to an hour already.

“Yey. Then you can show me where you work, too,” said idiot grinned and turned a little in his stride, just enough to make eye-contact as they were walking. Karkat wished he’d just walk into a pole.

John was right. 16-year-old him wouldn’t have been able to have this outing. Not with the level of staring going on for both sides and definitely not with how much attention John seemed to give him. Because 16-year-old him was a self-conscious little fuck. Not that he was that much better right now, but at least the self-loathing had quieted down. To a moderate level.

“There,” he pointed at the dreaded place and he could still feel the anger from his latest day as cashier.

John made a point by stopping for a moment to squint at it. “It looks alright.”

“It’s awful.”

“Well, at least you get paid,” he shrugged.

Karkat raised an eyebrow at him. “What, you mean you don’t?”

There came an uneasy giggle. “Well, uh, I’ve kind of been living off my scholarship this year.” Then he bit his lip, that asshole. “But I promise I’ll look for a job in September!” Hands moved in the air in apology.

It was Karkat’s turn to shrug. He didn’t care much. Still, shit, a scholarship at Prospit? What was he feeding on, advanced textbooks? “Choose anything but store clerk.”  
“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Well.

Hm.

Alright. Karkat smiled back at him this time. Sure enough, John looked like Christmas came early. That was the most flattering thing he’d ever been subjected to. Or at least one of them. John seemed to be quite good at beating his own records.

“Is this the one?” They stopped in front of the shop and, sure enough, in that weather, there were only a couple other customers inside.

“Yeah, go on,” he motioned towards the door and, once on the other side of it, John started goggling at the display case. “You do realise that it’s cold as shit outside,” Karkat soon spoke again, since being quiet after a few hours of ceaseless banter felt weird. As if he and Rose hadn’t finished three month’s load of Ben & Jerry’s that winter.

“It’s supposed to be. By eating this you’ll produce more heat,” John kept staring at the ice-cream, probably scanning it for alien life forms. Then, he turned his gaze towards him. “What flavour do you want?”

He’d been nano-seconds away from declining. Then “You choose,” he shrugged. “Just don’t get me any red slime or whatever they’re made of.”

John laughed a little and it certainly wasn’t an endearing sound. The ones in front of the line were still not done yet. “Why not?”

“I don’t like red,” he looked away, because, spoken out loud, it sounded childish. Not that it wasn’t. He just...didn’t want it to sound like it was.

“Terezi must hate you,” his friend grinned and then finally got to order.

Who the hell liked peppermint ice-cream? Who even _tried_ that stuff? (Hint: Karkat was. As soon as he’d get to a convenience store the next day. He’d try the shit of that horrible thing. Curse Egbert for unconsciously making him do this.)

“Chocolate and vanilla for you, because you’re a dork,” John pushed a plastic cup and a spoon in his hands and marched outside. Meaning, back in the cold. “Where to?” he spoke over his own spoon and Karkat looked up and down the street.

“We could walk back to Prospit,” he tried and mentally slapped himself for it, because that meant at least one more hour of walking and they’ve done enough for a first meeting. Surely, they ought to stop. Right? He had no fucking idea how these things went.

Still, “Alright,” said John, taking a spoonful of ice-cream and starting to walk.

And Karkat found himself jogging for a few metres to catch up. “Isn’t it late for you?” He found himself gulping as John gave him a lopsided smile.

“Late for what? I’m talking to you right now.”

Oh.

Putting an entire globe of ice-cream in his mouth had probably not been a good idea, but at least it was an occupation. “You’re so,” he gulped and his teeth hurt so bad, “goddamn pitiful.”

“You should get some tea before that thing takes your voice away,” John replied matter-of-factly. “And I think I could’ve turned out worse.”

 _Oh, you could have. So, so much worse_ , Karkat smacked himself again and checked himself for change. There was a snack and coffee machine close by. “I never have any damned coins,” he groaned as he dug deeper in his pockets. His tongue was frozen.

“I do,” John took one more mouthful of ice-cream and went ahead to fiddle with the machine.

There was a bench right beside it, so Karkat sat down while they waited for the water to be poured into the cup. It was past 8 pm, but the street was strangely empty. Sure, the main shopping artery was the other one at the intersection and most people (with no commonsense in clothing, as far as he knew) were hanging around there, but still.

Despite his already frozen mouth, Karkat found himself putting another small amount of ice-cream in his mouth. 

“Right-o.”

The white light from the vending machine was making John look like a junior ghost in training as he retrieved the cup full of burning-hot tea. He placed it safely in between them on the bench. It was really quiet, in the good, calming sense of the word. Even the cheap tea tasted better in that moment.

“Can we swap gossip on Rose and Kanaya now?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”


	16. In which John is good, makes some plans and falls for good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being young isn't easy.  
> Actually, it is.  
> John gets his first shot of strong allergies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never said the chapter wasn't gonna be huge.  
> Well, not that it is.  
> It's just..bigger.  
> Sorry for the delay.

Something weird was happening to John lately. Every morning, he felt like something was growing inside him. It started as a warm feeling in his gut and got comfortably bigger as the days went by. Sometimes it made him happy, most times it made him sad.

He really hoped he wasn’t pregnant.

Duh, of course he wasn’t pregnant! He knew _exactly_ what was going on. John took the chance to scowl at the nice weather outside. He had just come home from class and changed his clothes (he smelled of chemicals). Now he was staring out of the window and thinking of leaving soon. Again.

What was going on was that...— shit, he had only 10 minutes to pick Karkat up from Derse! In the flurry of the moment, he grabbed Sollux’s mustard jacket from the hanger and went out the door, hoping his shoelaces wouldn’t kill him on the stairs. Karkat was going to murder him anyway if they weren’t.

What was going on was that...— would it be better to catch the bus or take the tube? Oh, for everyone’s sake! He jumped in the first bus, only to get off it two stops later and almost fall down the stairs (again) to the subway.

Why hadn’t they warned him? He had six minutes to go, the clock said. That wasn’t nearly good enough, but what could he do at this point? Damn, he had been thinking too long. He hoped Karkat would just wait, since he feared telling him he would be _a little_ late over text. What if that made him go straight home? 

 

John started calming down only after a couple of stops.

 

What was going on was that...— this place sure was crowded. Whooh! One man had a dog with him and it had been sniffing John wetly for the past few minutes. Oh, doggie. Cute doggie. Not on the face, doggie.

What was going on was that...— okay, that was his stop. He ran up the stairs again.

The amount of people was smaller on this avenue, which was a nice change of space. Derse was just across the street, all kinda-gloomy and violet. Dodging a few parked cars, John jogged over there and looked around for a moment before finally seeing Karkat leant back on the Victorian fence, watching him while chewing Gummy Bears. 

To John, his friend’s eyes seemed to say something close to _took you long enough, but I’m still here even though I won’t tell you why even on my death bed, so don’t ask me._ Maybe it was just weird wishful thinking.

John sighed, smiled, waved and walked over. What was going on was that he had a very genuine crush on Karkat. A very heart-warming, soft and _so. very. large._ crush on him. 

Worst of all, he now had a crawling suspicion he’d had it for years. Growing, festering, until it sprang to life in flames like Mushu as soon as he heard his friend’s voice. He couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to become aware of it. _Just how oblivious can you even be, Egbert?_

It was a good thing John Egbert hadn’t really had a romantic interest before. Celebrities just did not count. But, wow, saying ‘romantic interest’ and thinking of Karkat was really something he had yet to get accustomed to. John had no _interest_! This was just something strange and sometimes fun and increasingly stressful nowadays. After all, it wasn’t like he was expecting to get something out of it. Of course not. Surely not. Nope. Not him. Well, maybe a little, if things worked out right. Eh.

“What is that thing on you?” Karkat got closer and raised an eyebrow as he scanned the borrowed jacket.

John kept himself from taking a step back and smiled in response. “I was in a hurry.” His whole life revolved around the word _smooth_ right now. Not the smooth Dave sometimes showed, though, because no matter how good he was at it every now and again, he still had glitches in the program from time to time.

“Didn’t feel like it.” 

At Karkat’s deadpan, John’s expression fell and he gave him an unimpressed look as he stuck out his tongue. Only for a brief moment, because he suddenly felt weird. Tongues. Um. “I’ll buy you coffee.”

“Sure.” Karkat looked around. “Just, uh...yeah. We’ll have to wait,” he pointed at an approaching globe of light but that was just the sun reflecting in a car’s window. Then John saw that someone was approaching them and, wow, she was beautiful.

She also made him feel underdressed (maybe the jacket was bad) but, as she got closer, he saw something familiar about her. Ohh. Oh! Right!

“Hello, John,” she said and looked at him with very Strider-y features.

John shook her hand lightly. “Hi.”

She looked beside him and smiled at Karkat too, but John saw him only roll his eyes. Well, that was recognition enough. “We never really got the chance to talk.”

Yep. He had yet to add her chumhandle. To ask for it, too, on that matter. “Guess so,” he raised a hand to the back of his head, Karkat scowling beside him. Hey, it was not his fault he was still very socially awkward! Yes, yes it was. It very much was. “Will you join us for coffee?” Look, he was trying his best.

Rose gave him a charming smile (he had no idea dark purple lipstick could suit someone – anyone – so well). “As much as I’d love to,” she pointed at a black motorcycle further down the avenue, “I must hurry and attend an undoubtly pleasurable family reunion.”

“Again?” Karkat asked, while John was still busy analysing the vehicle and its driver.

The girl patted his friend on the shoulder and took a few steps forward. “Dad this time. Who would have thought?” She turned. “A pleasure meeting you, John. Please come by our place so we can finally catch up.”

Blue eyes snapped back to her and John grinned. “Thanks! I will.” 

She then walked over to the motorcycle and accepted the black helmet offered to her, strapping it easily before hopping behind the other person. John smiled once again and waved as it passed slowly by them.

“Oh, God, they’re gonna throw themselves off a cliff to make a funeral experiment,” Karkat mumbled and the other helmet turned towards him.

“I heard that.”

“Hi, Dirk,” John beamed behind his friend.

“Wait, what?” Karkat turned without missing more than half a beat. Dirk and Rose, knowing what was best for them, left in an instant. “What do you...How?”

John tried his best to give Karkat his most charming smile. He hoped the slightly bigger pupils meant it was working. “We’re in the same college wing. Also, Dave and I get along well so I visit them sometimes.”

It took him a few tries, but eventually the other snapped out of it and squinted. “Dave? Oh, shit, so he was the one who made that ticklefucking anomaly in the park? Wow, it totally makes sense now.”

John let out a small laugh. “I guess so. Come on,” he took his chance to put his hands on Karkat’s shoulders and kept them there as they crossed the street. Closure closure closure oh damn it . “Coffee now,” he took in a shaky breath and patted his friend’s back one last time before getting back to his place. Both literally and metaphorically.

 

One thing led to another and before he knew it, John managed not to screw anything up for one entire month of seeing his best friend in the flesh, ah, quite regularly. Not as often as he’d have liked, since college was still a thing that was very going on, but all the same. So, basically, John’s free time had consisted of

• 1/3 hardcore college homework which usually wasn’t done before 2 am, so life was particularly sunny nowadays.  
• 1.5/6 going out—er, around the city, with Karkat.  
• 0.5/6 chatting with his other friends because he wasn’t going to be a distracted friend just because his head was higher than Cori Celesti.  
• 2/6 spending time with Dave because his other outings made him too hyper aware of everything his friend did and he needed to just lay down and not recall the way Karkat’s hair fell over his eyes or how John could sometimes make his face dust the slightest bit with red if he said the right thing or how Karkat had really, really, really nice hands. Oh God. All in all, Dave was a good friend for, well, not being Karkat. And for the fact that he usually got the hint and proceeded to talk John’s ears off when he was particularly sulky.

He was fine. He was overly fine. His eyes were a little jiggly in their sockets at the moment, but it must have been the coffee. Perfectly fine. Absolutely grand. He was a rollercoaster that only went up. Look at him go.

Also. Holy shit, he was 20.

John accidentally headbutted the sink. That wasn’t meant to happen. How had his forehead got down there? Hehehe, forehead, you’re so silly. Also pained, at the moment. Regaining his feeble sanity, John got up and rubbed the sore spot as he narrowed his eyes at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

It was past 8:00 pm and his room was a hive reeking of burnt brains and overworked laptop. The opening of the window, after he returned, was a drastic, miraculous change. Oh, gosh, air felt so good. It was chilly and Spring-y and rainy and it cured John’s headache almost instantly.

Which was good because for the next couple of weeks it kept on being like that. Which was also good because this way, John had had the chance to spend a few evening-afternoons at Rose and Karkat’s apartment. Watching the two of them interact had been a real feast. Also, Rose was awesome, so John found himself chatting with her just as regularly, now not receiving only tid-bits from Kanaya about her.

On this side of things, all was going well. Just a few more days and he would be out of the tension zone at the university and that corner would be clear too. Still, John found himself not just once cursing himself under his breath. Well, that hadn’t happened since middle school, truth be told. He had been under the impression that he’d grown out of it. His Dad would surely get anxious if he found out.

Maybe it was the stress. It most likely was the stress. College stress. It couldn’t, it _shouldn’t_ be anything else, right? After all, it wasn’t like he was constantly falling off the friendship bridge and into a red jello lake. Which was totally cliché, by the way. Still. It wasn’t like he was falling in love.

 

Karkat had been busier than him that week, since his finals started sooner. Blurgh. As soon as he was out of Prospit’s Science wing, John found himself making use of the last two days of drying Sun by sitting on a bench outside the Art building.

It has barely been ten minutes before someone placed a bag on his head and then jump coolly over the wooden backrest and land beside him. Wait, _coolly_? This surely wasn’t Dave. John reached for the bag on his head and took it off. “Hi, Dirk!”

“Hi,” the other spared him a small smile and grabbed the bag from him. It was moving strangely now. John stared intently at it, sensing the awesome ooze from it. “Dude,” he was pressed a little on the forehead, only then realising he had been leaning towards it, “rude. Don’t stare, you’re making him nervous.”

“Oh.” Many blinks emerged. “Oh, sorry. Sorry. I’m turning my back, see? No need to be nervous.” He heard a chuckle and the unzipping of zippers.

“Okay—” John was facing him again in a flash and he had the decency to look impressed. “Wow, alright. Here.”

Reddish-orange glasses stared up at him from a metallic carcase. “Bunny?”

“Friend of mine called him Lil Sebastian. He should be on his way to her soon.” John looked at the look Dirk gave the tiny robot and had a sudden recollection of Dr Chandra, only more human. Judging by the field in which he was going to be specialized, John figured it wasn’t that unlikely.

He narrowed his eyes and poked a robotic ear. “They let you transport these now?”

The other gave him a sly look. “Who needs to know?”

John grinned back. “Right you are, sir.”

Two slaps on their heads came with such thorough swiftness that they found themselves smiling at each other. “In front of my fucking house, too,” Dave, freshly emerged from the History of Art class, stared blankly at them (that is to say, failed to do it after two seconds and settled for a small frown and possibly a coolkid pout). “I work my ass off to bring the bacon in this family and this is my thanks. Which one of you is pregnant? John, no offence, but I hope it’s you, because I don’t want to explain to mom why my bro insists on eating organic circuits for 9 months in the hope that his kid will be a cyborg.” 

“I was going to tell you, Dave,” John faked a heartbroken look up at him as he removed the post-it from his hair.

“Yeah, little bro, don’t be so hard on John, he was only thinking about your feelings and how to protect your maiden heart,” Dirk smirked and tossed the bag with Lil Sebastian in it at him before he had the chance to see the contents. The pure look of horror and the way Dave’s face drained of blood was as fun as it was pitiful. Then the other got his bag back and waved them goodbye.

 

For a few awkward moments John stood there, looking at Dave looking at him and feeling thankful his friend wasn’t wearing his glasses at the moment. That would have made everything worse. He tried to smile, but he looked like he’d just bit a mouthful of raw fish in front of a dragon.

More moments of silence and then Dave rolled his red eyes and extended a hand to help John up. “Come on, you’ve got to hear these jams I dug out of ancient tales yesterday. You’re one fucking lucky fellow, dude.”

It was true. He was. 

 

“X-Ray Delta One.” A hand moved very close to John’s open, but momentarily unseeing eyes, until he blinked several times. “This is Mission Control.” Karkat took his hand back and John stared now into lime-green eyes.

“Roger you two-zero one-three,” he replied and Karkat’s shoulders sagged to their usual position. Oh, man, he was wearing an enormous T-shirt again. It made him look very small and – oh, God, better not to think about it too much else John was going to go in for a hug.

He didn’t even know if Karkat liked hugs. For all the (very PG-rated!!) fantasies he sometimes caught himself working on in the intimacy of his own room, John had not tried that move on his friend yet. He didn’t know what exactly stopped him, apart from the paranoia that he’d hug him in a weird way that would let Karkat know the single thing he’d been thinking about lately. Which was still very PG-rated!!!

...Mostly.

“Hey. You’re doing it again. Shit, John, are you sure you’re sleeping enough?”

They were...in a plaza. Or somewhere. John was sitting on the side of a water fountain and Karkat had been doing so too until a few moments ago. Now he was bent over him, hands on John’s knees. Well, if the hours he spent agonizing about his mind at the early hours of the morning counted, then

“Yeah. Sleeping’s alright,” John grinned, feeling his eyes a little glassy and somewhat burning. It hadn’t been a good night, but before that, everything was cool. He absent-mindedly put his hands over Karkat’s, still on his legs. No, no, he wanted to give them a reassuring pat, why was he resting them there??

Karkat was really close. Like, really, really close. If he concentrated the slightest bit, John could catch a faint gust of air from his breath hitting his chin. He looked up and Karkat had this unexpectedly intense gaze fixed on him. It seldom happened. But it wasn’t the first time he’d seen it.

Maybe it was a good sign.

Hopefully.

John returned him a warm smile, strangely never feeling like quavering under that stare and soon enough, his friend’s eyes softened again. Wasn’t it said that dilated pupils meant you liked somebody? John let out a long breath. Karkat’s eyes were really dark right now.

It had probably taken him too long to make up his mind. Karkat’s position probably wasn’t all that comfortable. He had been probably overthinking again. Nevermind the reason, sooner than not, he was staring at a sunny May day and people were finally dressed according to the weather. Karkat had taken back his seat beside him and they were close, but not yet touching.

John rubbed one eye under his glasses. “Maybe I _should_ try sleeping more.”

“Maybe you should,” his friend said ever-so-softly, looking ahead as John glanced briefly at his profile.

“I could still walk you home, though. You know, since I’m basically forfeiting our date here.” He wasn’t sure he had got the right joking tone at the end.

Karkat smirked without shifting his gaze. “Such a gentleman.”

 

It took him a unflatteringly long time to admit defeat. Defeat, in this case, meaning letting his mind agree to click the smiley handle in his list. “You’ll regret this,” John addressed himself just as he started typing. Nobody would ever forget this thing happening right now. He was going to be persecuted for _months_.

\-- ectoBiologist  [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] –-   
EB: hey jade   
GG: john!   
GG: hi :D   
GG: what’s up? 

John took another big gulp out of his cup of tea (because, yes, coffee was exceptionally bad for him). How late was it anyway? Late enough for it to be dark outside, it seemed. Uh, oh. It was all well. Karkat was still at work at this hour.

Why did he think of that? It wasn’t like he could see who John was talking to or what about, in the end. Right. ...It sure felt like it, though.

EB: not much, i was taking a break 

For the past two hours, in fact.

EB: how are you? :)   
GG: me and jake have just got back from this craaaazy garage one of his friends has   
GG: it was awesome! he also found what he was looking for so you might see a cyber bunny coming your way soon enough   
EB: wow   
EB: i mean! glad to hear you two had fun   
EB: without...   
EB: getting to the emergency room...i guess?   
GG: bluuh! spoil sport.   
GG: do you have any news for us too? how’s karkat??   
EB: ah, well   
EB: he’s fiiine. he was, at least, a few days ago   
EB: can’t promise anything. 

Alright, this was not going to work. Fine. Half an hour of talking to Jade was half an hour well spent, whether they talked about something important or not. Besides, he could not bring the subject up right now. It would make himself seem ever more transparent.

He didn’t really want Jade to get more inquisitive about Karkat. She was going to be so enough when she visited him again. Hopefully, by then, John’s infatuation wouldn’t be so obvious anymore. Even Dave looked at him with suspicion nowadays. Besides. Weren’t people, like, supposed to look all over the place before finding someone they truly wanted to fill their hearts with or something like that? True, those movies were dumb. If it was to judge by them, John would have found himself a fiancée or two already by this age.

Then, long after they got rid of all the small talk, John found his mangrit, gripped it between his confidence teeth, and typed.

EB: jade i like somebody.   
EB: please don’t laugh at me. 

He felt his palms get wet.

In less than a second, Jade was typing. Then pausing. Then typing again. God damn it. John felt his pulse quicken as he waited, more often than not staring at his own words. They sounded so small.

He liked someone so much it would have deserved shitty word art. All the shitty word art. All of it. Glitter on top.

Come on, Jade.

GG: wow   
EB: what?   
GG: i didn’t expect that at all :O   
EB: huh. why??   
GG: john chill out   
EB: ok 

He did. He leant back in his chair and breaaaathed. God, air was so good.

GG: it’s just that you haven’t mentioned anything before   
GG: do they like you back?? 

Er...

EB: er... 

John bit his lip so hard it splintered a little and he found himself grimacing and searching the desk for a tissue.

EB: ...maybe? 

Sadly, seeing Karkat in real life had had an Obliviate effect on all of John’s bold ideas that he would have otherwise adapted for phone. So they did nothing more than ramble a lot and grab dinner or brunch (on weekends) as they talked each other’s ears off. There was also a lot of staring involved. But that was cool, since Karkat seemed to stare back just as much as John did. 

He supposed that was good. After all, Karkat had even agreed to go with him to an _action_ movie last week. That had to mean something.

GG: omg john just ask them then!!!   
EB: ask them what? 

If he liked him back? If he wanted them to go out? Ugh, but he couldn’t do either of those! John’s brightest moment was that Valentine’s thing and back then he had yet to come to terms with what he was doing. It had been such a spoilt chance.

GG: if they like you, silly :)  
EB: uh 

John leant back in his chair again, crossing his hands and thus immediately feeling the need to push his glasses up his nose. Every single time. How could Jade be so sure? She had just found out about this, like, fifteen minutes ago. Well, in her place, John would have said the same thing, truth be told.

EB: i can’t just...   
GG: you said maybe so there’s a chance, right?   
EB: yeah, but   
EB: i can’t go all hey do you like me red or do you like me yellow 

He raked his fingers through his hair until his glasses fell in his lap and the puff levels were bigger than those of Dr. Emmett Brown.

GG: john i don’t think everyone gets your metaphors   
EB: guh, but it’s simple!   
EB: nevermind.   
GG: why can’t you do that though :O   
EB: it’s silly   
GG: you’re silly!   
GG: you’re silly and i’m late for practice   
EB: serves you right.   
GG: don’t be mean, oliver   
EB: ugh, just go!   
GG: have fun chasing jordana! keep me posted ;) 

Introducing Jade to obscure British movies had never been a good idea. He ought to warn Kanaya about it in the future.

 

Keep her posted.

Right.

John made a point of being overly secretive the next couple of weeks. It was mean and she called him out on it, but, hey, that’s what relatives are for! At least it seemed Jade hadn’t told anyone about it. Gosh, if she’d told Karkat... But no, she hadn’t. He wouldn’t have heard the end of it if she had . Thank the elder gods.

As he pushed the candy cane door open, the outside bell sang goodbye. It was May. Their first year of college was almost over. The thought rejuvenated still underslept and tired bodies.

“I have an idea,” John chimed soon after they got out of the flamboyant candy shop.

Hesitating only a little before raisin g a jelly octopus to his mouth, Karkat lifted his eyebrows at him, expectant. The indigo cephalopod met its end rather quickly and John led them to a bench in front of the cinema before placing his sour worms on it.

“Give me your hoodie.”

“What?” Karkat looked like he’d been burnt.

“Just give it to me,” John pouted a little before swiftly taking off his own. 

What was this city thinking, having these temperatures at the beginning of May? Karkat didn’t seem to mind them (when people weren’t asking him to take off his clothes, at least) so that gave John a crawling suspicion that this was normal for the rest of the world. Whoah.

If one was to judge by the snaily speed with which Karkat put his gummy sea food down, they would have come to the conclusion that he either loved his candy very much or that he really dreaded being underdressed.

“What are you doing?” he then furrowed his brows at him as his hoodie was snatched out of his hands.

John just beamed encouragingly and threw his blue one at him. Karkat was yet again wearing one of John’s Christmas presents. That was...really nice. “Trust me, it’s for science!” he quickly ducked his warmer cheeks inside the borrowed article of clothing. 

Wow, it felt just as big as it looked. He could barely take his fingers out of its sleeves without pushing them up. The blush-hiding manoeuvre wasn’t such a success, though, since the wretched thing was still warm from Karkat. Damn it.

This had not been his main goal, though. The main goal was to finally see Karkat in something he was not drowning in (since even his T-shirts were this big, as John had seen upon visiting). When he looked up, he felt the warm pangs of victory. And of something else. Probably.

Despite being a little loose too, John’s hoodie was a visible improvement on him and well, uh, yeah, Karkat looked great. Less like an overcoated puppy and more like a...decent...looking...human being. A side effect was that Karkat was now wearing his clothes and that made yet too many LEDs light up in John’s head. Even he could feel himself staring.

“You look ridiculous,” Karkat huffed and grabbed his crustacean & co. candy again, this time not having to swim through a league of grey before being able to use his hands. Well, Karkat had seemed quite skilled in dealing with that aspect, but still.

John pulled on said sea of cotton. “So did you,” he grinned and wriggled a sleeve in his friend’s face. He then felt bad when Karkat flinched at his words. Which had been a small, involuntary action that was soon covered with an expression of stale impatience. John poked his cheek carefully. “Joking.”

Karkat shrugged before sitting down. “Whatever. When’s the movie starting?”

“Probably in fifteen minutes or so,” John took the tickets out of his jeans’ pocket, nodded, then put them back in order to take a seat. He hadn’t even intended sitting this close this time. Um.

Karkat was nibbling at an orange squid. With an unexpectedly casual motion, John shrugged at his life and somehow put his arm around his friend’s shoulders. He then looked apologetically at the sky, waiting for a reaction. If his calculations were correct, Karkat would make a bitter remark just after finishing another two gummy things.

But John was a Science major, not a Psychology or even Math one. Essentially, what Karkat did was lean quite perceptibly on him. There was quite a lot cold air going around their warm spot. John just had to take a chance and

_Breathe._

Then he stole a cherry crab from Karkat’s treat. “Get your own,” the other mumbled into a purple tortoise. John snickered and went back to his rainbow worms. Or snakes. What were they, anyway?

Karkat sighed and it went around John’s body like a cloud of warm air. It made him pull his friend the slightest bit closer and the movement received no objection. When the wind blew, Karkat’s hair tickled his cheek. Heheh.

But then revenge came and John felt the worm being snatched right out of his hand. Before he had the time to glare at Karkat’s nose, said culprit was already nibbling on his prey.

“Hey.” Nonchalance at its best.

Karkat munched. “What?”

 _Don’tpinchhisnosedon’tpinchhisnose_. “They’re not even that good.”

“Hmph.”

Still, they continued to fight over them for the best part of their waiting. It even got so fierce that at one point John felt Karkat’s hand on his back. Clearly he wanted to steady himself for the bloodbath. Clearly.

That did not mean John didn’t jump a little on the spot when they got up. All that giddiness was completely unrelated to Karkat bumping their shoulders together to get them going towards the cinema. Obviously.

Then they saw the movie.

Then they bought a giant bag of gummy bears to criticize it over.

 

TT: I’m quite certain he’s thinking about waking up.   
TT: Even though the sounds I’m hearing make me want to play a damsel in distress and barge in with a hammer at the same time.   
EB: he’s probably wrestling others off.   
EB: but it’s okay, i’ll wait a little longer. 

Bluh.

It wasn’t like John didn’t have anything to do that day. The end of his freshman year was days away and while he would not be going home for another month after that (his Dad was still working and also he’d scared him with his hot weather reports), Sollux was getting ready to depart. Bless Aradia for finally forcing him to get out of the house for fun.

John ducked under his desk and threw open a few cardboard boxes looking for scotch tape. “Eureka,” he said as he held it up and immediately bumped his head on the wood above . “Here you go,” he let it roll towards his door, where Sollux was waiting.

“Do you think this shit is durable?” mismatched eyes squinted at the gray tape.

John dusted his jeans, not surprised by the amount of dirt that came off them. “Should be. I even used it on my shoes back in grade school.”

“Seriously?” That word sounded really funny with his roommate’s lisp.

“Seriously.” He got back in his chair. 

EB: what are you doing over there anyway, rose?   
TT: I couldn’t bear another day of not having my life filled with “ill beats” and brotherly love.   
TT: That is to say, they promised me lunch.   
EB: oh, wow, i hope i’m not disturbing by snatching dave out of your loving arms 

“Are you _sure_ you’re gonna be here until I get back?” Sollux rasped at him from the other room (lovely May: cold as shit, but at least it let them keep the doors open now).

John rolled his eyes and looked at a calendar, which was obviously blank. “Yes, I will. I’m here for at least another five weeks.” Five weeks of sunny rain and odd wind.

“Well, uh, good,” Sollux calmed down again. Seriously, nobody was going to steal his motherboard. The apartment didn’t look from outside like it contained anything more than a few dead cats and a ruling mouse.

TT: Don’t be ridiculous, John. Even I can’t handle this by myself.   
TT: “This” in this case meaning all the radness, of course.   
EB: haha, i guess it gets kind of overwhelming   
TT: Quite. 

It was still morning and Dave had kind of agreed last night for him to visit as early in the day as he wanted. Good thing John had the inspiration of logging in before dashing out the door. Sheer luck that Rose happened to be there.

He’d been talking to Rose almost ever since he and Karkat met in person and she was really cool. Like, _really, really_ cool, not dorky cool like her brothers were. She was very funny too, no matter what Dave said. She had the tendency to ask some weird questions from time to time. Like that time when she asked him what he’d been dreaming lately. And if he liked cocoa milk or vanilla better. And if he thought it was a coincidence he’d started eating more cereals. John hadn’t even told her he’d bought cereals!

But, uh, well, Karkat was very convincing during grocery shopping. Even when he wasn’t technically there. Well.

EB: is it safe for me to come now?   
TT: I think so, yes. He’s just thrown Dirk in the hallway.   
EB: great. i’ll be there in 15. 

 

Dave looked more ragged than his childhood pimp puppet when John arrived and saw him waiting at the kitchen table. By the way, wow, no swords or ninja stars anyway near the living area. At least Dave was dressed and there were pancakes on the counter. John didn’t need to be nudged twice before helping himself to some.

“Are you also finishing this week, Rose?” he asked, using his fork to cut down fresh, fluffy pancakes. Unspoilt (no syrup, of course).

“It’s merely a formality – we haven’t done much in two weeks – but I guess so,” she ate slowly, accepting the mug of coffee Dirk sent her way.

John couldn’t remember when he’d last had breakfast at 11 am. And the pancakes were awesome, even though they were a result of Rose and Dirk’s work, two beings self-knighted to incapability in the kitchen. Everybody seemingly ignored Dave, who was silently moping his lost sleep in a mug of coffee, but John knew better, if only because Dave kept hitting his leg with his underneath the table.

“So you’ll be going away for the summer?”

John thought about the hot weather and ocean air back at his father’s house and he knew he would have a hard time acclimatising to it again. He was going to visit in July, which made it even worse. He’d just got used to the very frequent rain here. And to the wind. It seemed like he quite liked windy weather now.

“I believe so,” Rose smiled and her two siblings groaned in unison. He raised his eyebrows at them, then Dirk pushed some coffee his way too.

“Don’t give him coffee, he gets spastic.” _Well, curse you too, Dave, it’s not my fault you visited during my finals_ , John gave him an unimpressed look as the other dragged his cup away from him and cradled it close. “Rose booked us for two weeks of aqua-tentacle-therapy. Kinky as fuck.”

John blinked at her. “I merely made a reservation with dad for our summer house,” she smiled with feigned innocence.

Dirk now offered him a mug of steaming milk. Oh. Well. Good enough for breakfast. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” John admonished the two, “I hope you’ll have fun.”

“Dave gets antsy as shit about his Snow White-esque skin. It’s a treat for the eyes,” Dirk snatched a plate of pancakes for himself. Ugh, syrup.

“Give me that,” Dave dug into his brother’s breakfast and he was almost done before John got halfway through his cup. “ _John_ ,” he then accented and looked up. Oh, right. He had to finish his own second breakfast too.

Perfectly elegant even in jeans and T-shirt, Rose was sipping her coffee by now. “So on what pretext are you stealing our dear brother from us today, John?”

The last bit of pancake was done. He was ready for the day. “Um, he’s helping me find something.” Her raised eyebrows did nothing but urge him to continue. “Special occasion. I’ve got to find a token of affection.” Her eyes drifted between them. Oh, wow, no, that was weird. “No, no, for someone else—”

“Wow, what are you even thinking , Lalonde?” Dave chimed in after seeing her glance.

She blinked, then accepted the critiques by sipping more of her drink. Then, she turned back to John. “Have you thought of something?”

“Ehh, I’ve got an idea...”

“Is it nerdy?” Dirk chose to slide into the conversation, probably scavenging the damaged prides.

John let out a small laugh. “Yeah, totally.”

“You’ll be safe, then. There are plenty hideouts in the city for you to look into.”

Dave downed his second coffee. “Shall we go?”

 

It took them six hours, but they found it.

 

GA: Apart From The Obvious Did You Experience Any Other Inconveniences This Year 

He’d taken it upon himself to bring Kanaya up to date with the situation soon after his first meeting with Karkat and she had taken it...characteristically well. Unlike Terezi, who had called him herself in order to laugh her lungs off, she had been awesome. She even tried to cheer him out of the moment’s shock.

EB: um, not really!   
EB: everything’s been going strangely well, to be honest.   
GA: Thats Surely Good To Hear   
GA: Ive Had A Good Year Myself   
EB: oh, i know about thaaat ;)   
GA: I Dont Know What You Mean   
EB: dunno, rose seemed really happy too when i last saw her   
GA: Oh   
GA: Im Glad To Hear That   
EB: i don’t doubt you are 

John leaned back in his chair, the smile on his face surviving for another few short moments before he gave in and yawned. He had a couple more days of school (even though they weren’t really doing much by now) and, after that, he could sleep without alarm clocks. Finally. He missed that so much. 

 

If anything, his freshman year being over had just resulted in Sollux leaving the house and in him catching twenty minutes more of sleep each morning. He wondered how long it was going to take until he’d start waking up after 10 am.

John had one month to spend alone in the apartment and sometimes he felt bad for being excited about it. But most of the times he was just thinking how he could make Karkat stay over longer than one day. That would be a problem he would have to solve soon enough.

Or, ugh, oh well. The reason may have or may have not been related to his so-called token, kept securely in his jacket’s pocket. It was sunny these days. He would have to transfer it to a safer keeping place. Not that he intended to hold on to it much longer.

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT TOOK YOU NINE MONTHS.   
CG: DO YOU REALISE HOW MUCH DECENTLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE COULD DO WITH THAT TIME. FUCK, EVEN I GOT TO KNOW SOME OF MINE.   
EB: yeah, i think that’s called pregnancy   
EB: but hey! at least i got some of their names!   
CG: I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND WHAT KEPT YOU FROM DOING THAT UNTIL NOW. 

What kept him from finding out his colleagues’ names? Well, shenanigans. It wasn’t like he hadn’t _talked_ to them. He just...hadn’t found the right ground to want to get to know them better. It sort of happened. It was easier when Jade was there to remind him he ought to make friends.

CG: YOU WERE BASICALLY IN THE SAME FUCKING BUILDING EACH DAY.   
EB: i wasn’t really trying to get to know new people, karkat   
EB: but i give you my word i’ll try my best next year! 

Surely. Now that he needn’t worry about playing _Where’s Waldo?_ with Karkat, he guessed it would come easier to him. He thought for a moment of how funny (and really kinda cute) Karkat would look in white and red stripes. Too bad the guy didn’t like red. Seriously. Who hated red?

EB: stop pouting, i asked my dad to prepare some carrot cake for when i’ll force you to come over. 

Was that bold? Well, he hoped it was. Bold was good, wasn’t it? Maybe not. Still, he’d kind of been thinking about it for weeks. After all, Karkat said he’d only go home in August, since the rent was still being paid at Rose’s house whether they were staying there or not. So, like, he could risk a visit, right? Maybe his dad would pick them up so they wouldn’t have to spend all their money on train tickets. 

He really. Really. Really wanted Karkat to come. No matter if his latest plan would have any consequences. Though...it would have been nice...for it to have some. Uh, good ones. Really good, pretty, soft...consequences! Right.

CG: CREAM CHEESE FROSTING?   
EB: duh, i’m not as dumb as you make out with me to be   
EB: make me out to be   
EB: fuck 

Consequences, right, Egbert? Really smooth.

CG: ...   
CG: FINE, THEN, I’LL THINK ABOUT IT. 

John was too busy hiding his face in his hands, lest his computer screen might see. Why was this happening to him? He’d been thinking too hard lately...

He’d been spacing out too long.

CG: SO, UH, DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON MONDAY? 

What day was it?

EB: yes   
EB: i mean, yeah, sure... 

John covered his mouth with a hand again, in a half-assed attempt to stifle a laugh and hide his embarrassment. He was so hopeless.

He thought of the thing in his pocket again. He would have to mentally prepare himself even harder for it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ _i hate formatting_ ~ ****  <3  
> ((sorry for the errors if you were fast enough to see, like, 3 chapters popping up all of a sudden))


	17. In which Karkat makes plans, dismisses plans and gets a present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing screams love harder than a classical Japanese toy.  
> Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been so cool.  
> And you were all so cool and wow, gotta hand it to you guys, nobody had the heart to mention how ridiculous the base idea of this story was.  
> Thank you, really.  
> Now on to the chapter.

Karkat hated Sundays so much! Sundays were only good at making Saturdays feel good. They were also good because they usually let him sleep in. But it was the summer break now, so he needed none of that crap.

God, did Karkat hate Sundays. Especially Sundays that came before Mondays. Those, in particular. Rose would have understood. She hated Sundays too, even though she was less verbal about it. But no, Rose had to spend the night with Kanaya instead of coming home to listen to his morning rants.

“Typical. Let’s leave Karkat to deal with his stupid non-dates while we’re too busy sucking off faces in between cups of tea with Cthulhu. Why the fuck not. Might as well add an afternoon of lady-shopping to that before we go back to tearing each other apart with our carnal love. Get the fuck out of my room.”

The last bit was addressed to unidentified cat no. 1, who had just bounced its evil way into his room. As if Karkat didn’t have better things to do than bear its presence. He was sitting cross-legged in his desk chair, drinking milk for a change. Old habits die hard. The reason he always insisted on having milk in the house wasn’t the cereals nor the morning cravings, but the simple fact that he’d got used to drinking it after they said it helped people grow. Yeah, right. He’d been calling bullshit for years.

GC: 1 DONT UND3RST4ND WHY YOUR3 FR34K1NG OUT SO MUCH...  
CG: WHO’S FREAKING OUT?  
GC: OH COME OON K4RK4T!!!  
GC: WH4T ON 34RTH C4N POSS1BLY H4PP3N TO M4KE YOU P4N1C L1K3 TH1S?  
CG: THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT QUESTION.  
GC: >:[  
GC: UGH SOM3T1M3S YOUR3 SO  
GC: W41T  
GC: 1TS SOM3TH1NG YOU W4NT TO H4PP3N BUT 1T DO3SNT RIGHT???  
CG: WHAT NO.  
GC: 1 KN3W 1T.  
GC: >;]

Who the fuck did she take him for? What more could he possibly want from life? He was in college, moved out of his parents’ house, had a job, decent people to talk to, cereals in the kitchen (although he wasn’t so sure about the milk). A full and happy life. Right?

Right.

Why would he have a problem about next day’s outing with his _best friend_? The one with whom he’d gone out a zillion occasions during the past few months? Obviously, there was no trouble at all. It wasn’t as if John happened to have the most dazzling grin Karkat had ever seen on a constantly-smiling person.

Or like he also happened to the most obnoxiously good friend he’d encountered so far in his life. It felt as if he wasn’t even trying. Like there was nothing he’d rather do than kill time together in some obscure, outdoor space. 

It also wasn’t that he sometimes looked at Karkat like he knew exactly what he was doing. It wasn’t like Karkat was 400% sure John felt every shiver he drew out of him when they sometimes stood too close.

Most specifically, it wasn’t like Karkat wanted to just scream in his face the next time he saw him. Loud and clear. Enough to reach into his thick skull and make his little thinking wheels work. _WHY WON’T YOU JUST KISS ME?!_

GC: W3LL WH4T TH3 H3LL K4RKS S1NC3 WH3N DO YOU H4V3 TO W41T FOR SOM3BODY TO G1V3 YOU WH4T YOU W4NT  
GC: 1M 4SSUM1NG YOUR3 ST1LL 4W4R3 TH4T YOU C4N GO FOR 1T BY YOURS3LF  
CG: WHAT I’M NOT AWARE OF IS WHEN I GAVE YOU THE GREEN LIGHT TO START COACHING ME.  
CG: THAT BEING A THING OF WHICH I AM NOT IN NEED RIGHT NOW.  
GC: 1S TH4T SOOOOOOOO  
CG: YES IT IS SPECTACULARLY SO.

On the other hand, what the fuck was he thinking? He couldn’t just walk around having these thoughts about his best friend. Where were his conflicted feelings? It was the common rule that people had these when dealing with this kind of situation. Now he felt bad for not feeling bad. Story of his life, really.

Unless there were any alien remorse-pills scattered around the neighbourhood, there wasn’t much he could do about it. So, well, he had to _carpe_ the fuck out of that _diem_. If he ended up making a fool of himself in the process (as it would undoubtedly happen), John was decent enough to act like it never happened.

John was decent enough in a shitload of layers of his life. Karkat had to hope he would be this time too. Unless he decided to go all trickster on him.

GC: H3Y K4RK4T  
CG: WHAT.  
GC: K1SS TH3 BOY >;]

Karkat sneered at the screen and proceeded to ignore it with all his might, since any reply would be a confirmation of the plan he had come up with FIRST. Well, _plan_ was a little too much. Idea. Yeah, ideas were good.

Unless they came from him, of course.

 

Karkat had never assumed somebody other than him might enjoy staring at his ceiling. It was a white splash of colour, which today homed a fly. Still, he and John had been staring at it for the past hour or so without complaint.

It was unexpectedly warm, which probably meant they finally had June weather, so they were both splayed on the heavy carpeted floor. John had stolen one of the many fancy pillows lying around the apartment and Karkat had eventually laid his head on his stomach. It wasn’t much. He liked to feel him breathing.

“And I was wondering if you’d like to try out the motor boat. I mean, if the water is still enough. I still don’t think dad will trust me with it any other way. We could go along the coast to the lighthouse.” John brushed his fingers gently through his hair, almost making it look unintentional.

“I’ve never been to the seaside, so I wouldn’t know. I guess anything’s fine,” Karkat managed a shrug and went back to twisting the hem of his own T-shirt incessantly.  


This time, John raised himself on his elbows and blinked at him wonderingly. “You’ve never seen the ocean?”

“Never got the chance to.”

Karkat caught a glimpse of a large smile right before his friend dropped down on the pillow again. “Man, you’re going to love it. Especially the weather! I just hope it won’t be raining...”

“I’m going to fuck up your existence for an entire month, how long can it rain?”

The ruffling of his hair was so different from all the faint touches he’d experienced before that Karkat felt himself jolt a little on the floor. “Don’t say that! We’re going to have the best summer vacation! Maybe Jade will stay longer too, this way. She’s awesome. We’ll have fun.”

Karkat bent his head back to look at the other’s animated face. He still had a hand in his hair. That, too, felt nice. “Last time anyone’s said that to me, a snow storm got in the way.”

John nudged his forehead. “We don’t have snow there, grumpy.”

After a second thought, he finally smoothed out his T-shirt and worked on lying still. Or at least on keeping his hands from moving this way and that. Eventually, Karkat went back to evening his breath at the same time with John’s. That took him a few minutes. He vaguely wondered what was happening. If when they would finally get tired of laying around John would bend over him and maybe...

Wishful thinking. This was not the time. This, in itself, was great just now.

And the hand in his hair shifted again, going through his fringe and getting it out of his eyes and, alright, Karkat had never wanted to kiss someone more in his entire life. He felt his breath get thicker.

“We should get to that ice-cream,” John mused and got a hum in response. “And after that maybe we could try Reichenbach again.” A whiny groan escaped from the jail that was Karkat’s throat. John petted his forehead. “Or maybe not. Aaand, after that...do you think it’s safe to go in the park?”

Blue eyes looked down at him from directly above now. Gosh, they were even bluer without the glasses over them. “What are you afraid of, you don’t tan at 75F.”

John narrowed his god-awful eyes at him. “What do you know.”

“What do you want to go in the park for anyway?” He couldn’t see what some trees would do to improve a place more than a dozen pillows and a cold soda could.

The other’s smile, less than a dozen inches away from his face, rendered Karkat speechless at first. Then, just very, very aware of his appallingly strong infatuation. “It’s a secret.”

 

Well, at least he had got the cold soda, even though the wood of the benches was no pillow. In the afternoon, the nearest park wasn’t as packed with people as he’d dreaded. John was making a point of showing him, once again, all the wonders of nature. Which was rubbish. He liked nature perfectly well, as long as it wasn’t imposed on him.

“And that thing’s called a bird,” John mocked, pointing at a sparrow.

Karkat slurped the last gulp of his drink. “Such astute observations from the elite of our generation. I feel truly honoured to be alive.”

“Don’t spoil my fun.”

“Stop nudging me, then.” He got rid of the red can and turned around to see John falling into a bench. Such a grandpa. “What now?”

John peered at him over his rimmed glasses. “Stop complaining and get down here.”

It sounded reasonable enough to perform, so he did. Afterwards, John started fumbling with his spare hoodie. Apparently having no luck, he went to try his jeans’ pockets. It probably didn’t take him long, but it sure felt like it. Karkat had a hunch that secrets being had by John Egbert could be variably dangerous if tested. Or at least unpleasant.

John stopped and let out a ridiculously long breath. “Thank _God_. I was going to flip metaphysical tables over.” Karkat raised an eyebrow, his whole being waiting. His friend grinned a little too widely. “Here,” he raised a spherical object on a small chain to the light. The hand holding the thing was slightly shaking.

As it swung closer, Karkat opened his palms to collect it. He stared at the think with vague familiarity floating in his mind. Its plastic was bright red. “What?”

“An egg watcher,” John shifted conspicuously closer to look at it too. His voice faltered a little. Was this a bomb.

“A what.” Karkat didn’t dare move his hands.

“A Tamagotchi,” his friend looked at him and smiled. 

Karkat glanced at the thing again. Right, that’s what it was. Now he remembered. He’d had a few earlier in his lifetime. It wasn’t on. “What...” he sighed without meaning.

Which apparently gave John the idea that he needed further explanation. “Well,” he drew even closer, so that their thighs were touching and his right hand needed to be rested behind Karkat. His other one poked the egg-shaped thing. The babies of Lego dragons. “When two people like each other very, very much,” John continued in his day-care educator voice. Did he need a second _very_? Karkat goggled in full-force at him and he got a grin in return. “They get one of these.”

“One of...” He gulped. That second very, though.

“These,” John pressed his finger on the red plastic in Karkat’s palm, which made him look down again.

It took him a few moments. “What the fuck do these have to do with couples?” he blurted out. Hurrying like a shithead with the c-word.

Keeping character, John didn’t seem affected by it. That asshole. “Oh, you see...it helps you see just how dependable your...” he drew out.

Okay, _this_ Karkat was not going to go along with. “If you say friend I’ll rip your throat out.” The other closed his mouth completely in an instant.

A grin. “...how responsible you are.”

“And how many successful relationships has it saved before?” Karkat raised a decently sceptical eyebrow.

At which his friend laughed breathily and scratched the back of his head. “Well, I don’t know anyone cool enough to invent this method before me, but it’s bound to be amazing!”

Were there enough people in the park, they might have been bothered by the 102% lack of personal space between the two of them. Since they were too stupid to care. Karkat stared at the innovator at his left until John met his gaze. At first, his eyes showed only glittering joy at being such a prodigy. Then the blue calmed down a little and stared back. For all his pep talks at home, Karkat found himself quite unable to move at this moment, even though the distance was so short. He looked away as soon as he saw John’s pupils dilate slightly. _Shit._

He grabbed the transparent slip of plastic on the egg’s side and it instantly started singing. “Hey!” the other intoned as soon as it happened.

“Someone had to bring it to life.”

 

“It’s beeping differently now, what the fuck are you doing to it?” Karkat leant over John’s hands, which were busy pressing one tiny button after the other. Killing the newborn salamander, most likely.

“I’m feeding it, geez,” he drawled in response and turned the egg-shaped thing towards him. Casey was presumably still alive. She opened and closed her pixelated mouth at him. “Wanna try?”

“No.” Truth be told, he had more trust in John regarding this thing than he had in himself. Moreover, Karkat was still trying to decipher whether by agreeing to handle it meant they were something. There was still that 2% chance that John was just spectacularly oblivious. “Shouldn’t it be sleeping?”

John blinked from the tamagotchi to him. “No, why should it? We just woke it up some time ago.”

Meaning a couple of hours. “Babies sleep a lot,” Karkat shrugged.

“That’s cute.” Then Casey received her eighth glob of food that day and a petting. “That you know about babies, I mean.”

Karkat tried in vain to convince himself he was not goggling like Wormtail over Voldemort’s cauldron. He gnawed his lip and eventually looked away from his friend’s face. He really liked his profile, come to think of it.

“Here, you bathe her,” John pushed the toy towards him without warning and Karkat gazed at it warily. “Press there,” the other pointed to the right button.

“I know how to do it, alright!”

Damn it. Responsibility, he said. Good for relationships, he said. Karkat was damned if Casey wouldn’t win all the virtual beauty contests in her short life. She was even going to be the first pixelated pet to win a Nobel Prize. For...something.

John leaned over to look at what was happening and their foreheads touched. It didn’t appear to bother either of them. Of course it didn’t. This was ridiculous. Karkat shifted quietly so their shoulders touched too. it earned him a smile against his hair.

“Aaand she fell asleep,” John grinned. “Well done.”

ZzZzZz’s were coming out of the tiny hut. “Dependable enough for you?” Karkat told his ancient insecurities to fuck off for once and come haunt him after midnight.

What he felt had all the chances of being John nuzzling his hair for a brief moment. It made his knees wobble, thank shit he was sitting down. “Yep. Just perfect.”

Dear God. He could barely swallow back the heart that had risen in his throat. He twirled the toy once in his numb, but not shaking, fingers. “What now?”

 _Now, you wheezing snot-breather_ , his mind intoned, _as every fucking scenario taught you, it’s time to fucking go for it and kiss the lights out of him._ That’s easier thought than tried when you’ve never kissed anyone before, but that was just his luck. 20 years of life experience, but he sincerely doubted he’d go through with it smoothly.

But it wasn’t for that reason that Karkat found it impossible to look John in the eye. He didn’t know why that was, truth be told. Eventually, he managed a glance. John wasn’t looking at him. Good.

Why did he feel sad, then?

It was afternoon. John took in a deep breath and let it out theatrically. “I...have no idea.”

Well, that was productive. “Me neither,” he stared at the ground. Well, he did have a few ideas, but most of them exclusively included lips and hands touching and (1) Karkat was a strong non-believer in PDA and (2) he ought to get over himself already.

(3) why were they still sitting so close to each other then?

“Hey, Karkat.”

His face swung to the left in an embarrassingly small amount of time. “What?”

John’s face seemed strained for words, but he looked like he was doing his best to keep the smile standing. “Will you— Do you— I mean... Have you thought of—” he stopped, let out a shuddering breath, looked away, jaw clenched for a moment. Then, he turned towards him again. “Are you hungry?”

If left alone, Karkat was relatively sure that his face did not fall as low as the rivers of the Underworld, but being sure and being hopeful were not the same thing in real life. So, judging from the suddenly miserable aura his friend’s face got, his disappointment must have been very visible.

John was on the verge of saying something again, lips slightly parted, when Karkat finally got the idea to retreat into himself. “Food’s fine. Let’s go.” He passed the sleeping thing over in order to cross his arms over his chest, hunching visibly, and got up from the bench. Better. He was less out of his depth like this.

John stammered, closely following. “S-sorry, okay, that’s not what I wanted to say. Not at all, actually. Uh... I’m not even hungry, let’s do something else.” He waved his hands in the air around him.

“Well, _I’m_ hungry,” Karkat intoned, all sulks and scowls and grumpiness.

“Eh,” John’s lips painted a tentative, but not at all convinced, grin. “You are?” There was a faint trace of amusement hidden there too. Karkat spared him a minute glance.

“No.”

Fucking Egbert and his giggles. It wasn’t long before Karkat felt his shoulders straighten again as he let his arms fall at his sides. Look what hanging out with people did to him.

Above the far end of the alley, he saw storm clouds and hoped they were not a metaphor. It hadn’t rained in a week. They were going to be caught in the summer gale if they didn’t turn back this instant. The apartment was fairly close.

They didn’t turn towards it.

“Hey, Karkat.”

He rolled his eyes. “ _What_?”

John was lagging behind. “This is silly.” Now he stopped and Karkat turned.

“I know it is,” he said instead of throwing sarcasm around. John grinned wider at him. “What are you gonna do about it? It’s basically your entire sorry existence.”

Having a stare contest in the middle of an empty park alley, standing six feet apart was another proof of that. Karkat crossed his arms again, without slouching this time. “You’re my best friend,” John shrugged helplessly. Well, that surely was anticlimactic. “And, frankly, I’ve never liked anyone more than I like you right now.” Was _right now_ a constant?

“Your point?” Karkat voiced out with the vocal chords he didn’t know he possessed at the moment, out of his inability to choose an appropriate facial expression. A hundred ways of mandatory dismissal hung on his tongue.

John took a step towards him. His laugh, when it reached the air, was strained and, from the look on his face, John was aware of that himself. “I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

That was rubbish. Karkat knew from experience that John had almost drowned once. He was an exaggerating idiot and Karkat himself was vividly avoiding the matter at hand. Why the hell would he be scared, for God’s sake? Also could he hurry up and finish his speech before Karkat’s legs gave out?

“So, ah, um... Karkat, please don’t give me that angel of the Lord look, it’s disconcerting.”

Karkat frowned. “I’m not.”

“You just did it again!” John laughed.

“Stop procrastinating.”

“It’s going to rain...”

“John.”

“Yes, Karkat?” Blue eyes peered deep into his too suddenly. Shit, his knees were trembling so much.

John’s messy, almost wiry black hair had been pushed forward at some point, so now some of it threatened to get in his eyes, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that it looked so good. More specifically, that despite every ounce of conscience in his brain, Karkat thought it looked nice.

Awful, awful nerd to have in his life. “I don’t like you,” Karkat heard himself muttering, eyes narrowed at his friend’s face. It took him a moment and a wide-eyed look from John to understand how stupidly inappropriate that had been and shitshitshit. “No, I mean— _you’re an asshole_!” he saved himself in his best Marty McFly voice. 

John laughed. “I am. Sorry.” He was softly flushed. “But what I really meant, I...,” he came to a stop, trying to find words in the wind. “I like you... _so much_.”

What an unfair trade. What shitty vocal chords he had, too. Karkat smacked his brain-self. “I—Me too.” It was better than nothing, right?

It must have been. John was beaming so much right now that Karkat felt himself sprouting a smile. Breathing was so much easier. “Thank you.”

Karkat didn’t know if he facepalmed because of the ridiculousness of the situation or out of the need to cover his face. One word after the other had made him more exposed than ever. “Jesus, John...” Who said thank you to something like that?!

Eyes still covered, he held his breath as he felt John pressing a kiss to his forehead, his hair tickling his face and shield of a hand. After it was over, Karkat finally convinced himself to uncover his face and look at him. He probably...he probably oughtn’t think about this, since that had proved before to be the best way of making sure he won’t do shit.

He leant forward a little; then he froze. He tried again, but he found himself only resting his forehead on John’s shoulder, breath quicker after oh shit, he could have kissed him. For a few seconds, Karkat kept telling himself that no, this was just preparation, he was going to kiss him as soon as he’d raise his face, but then conceded that he was full of shit when John closed his arms around his back.

“This isn’t going well at all...how long has it been now?”

He felt John’s small laugh go right through his chest. “A couple minutes now,” the other answered, resting his cheek on his head.

Karkat had his own moment of genius when a tiny particle of inspiration hit its right cerebral target and acted on it as such: he put his hands around John too. He was so stupid not to have done it already. So stupid. Dumbdumb. No, fuck that. He was too happy for that shit. Instead, he made a mental note of taking Casey home with him at the end of the day.

“Something tells me that the park’s security will come asking questions very soon if we don’t move.” It didn’t really matter, since the place was still empty (hello, approaching T-storm), but at least it was something less embarrassing to say than _let go, I want to try again_.

“Maaaybe.”

Reluctant at first, John eventually let go and Karkat took childish pleasure in seeing that his face still had that Christmas Eve aura. It occurred to him that he’d just made someone happier than he’d ever thought himself able to. That thought was weird in his head.

Karkat would later decide that he had nothing against the side of his brain that activated his body without consulting with him first. But, in that moment, he received the shock of their lips touching as strong as John did. It took them a moment to close their eyes and then another one to realise that they had no idea what they were doing and that there was a certain requirement about heads angling that ought to be respected in order for this thing to work. Karkat found out that keeping his hands on John’s cheeks helped a lot too.

It was still weird because there’s one thing one can’t predict alone in his room, watching movies or overthinking and that is reciprocation and oh, shit, Karkat was pretty much lost when John’s lips moved against his own. Lost in a pleasant way, but utterly lost nevertheless.

“Um,” wasn’t a word but it was the first thing any of them uttered afterwards so, yeah, kudos to John for that.

In his defence, Karkat had _considered_ not saying something nasty at first. “That was shit.” They ought to be ashamed of it feeling so good. Really.

“I know,” John grinned, radiant and so very proud of himself. Karkat frowned. “It can only get better,” the other then explained, just before Karkat put a hand on his face and pushed him away in badly faked disgust. Fucking optimists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin?
> 
> No, shut up.  
> I have yet to write the epilogue.  
> Though it's gonna take a while.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boom baroom baroom  
> Ay ooo ay ooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A compilation of all the things I've deleted from this story might be over 30k words at the moment.  
> Oh dear.  
> I do regret not putting some chapters from the discarded plot here.  
> HAPPY STUFF  
> YOU GUYS, YOU WHO READ THE THING  
> YOU'VE READ THE THING  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH  
> and i promise, promise, promise, the next one is gonna be better planned.  
> pinky swear.  
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and some of you listening to my breakdowns and those two people who had foolproofed from time to time.  
> But mostly thank YOU.  
> virtual cheerios for everyone

Instead of waking up, John chose to roll over in bed. This wise decision proved to be so brilliant it made him sigh. It felt so good to feel the smell of his old room again and to sleep in a bed that did not creak and to hear birds instead of cold rain chirping outside his sunny window. He wanted to never get out of bed and become one with its soft, cotton sheets. 

But then he was hungry so he rolled over on his back and opened an eye; then the other. He let out a sigh again.

“You have the weirdest waking-up procedures, I swear.”

John smiled at the clear, but audibly softened voice near him. “Morning,” he said towards the ceiling.

“Morning,” Karkat replied, continuously tapping his phone in silence.

Well, alright, he wasn’t technically in his bed, but the sheets and pillows were his. His dad had got an unintended hint when John had called him to announce their future guest and cleared the loft (which was quite spacey and had those big windows on two of its walls and from one of them they could stare at the ocean which was great). They had two improvised Japanese floor beds along with way too many cookies his dad had felt like he needed to prepare for the occasion (they kept them in plastic bags; there were six of them already).

“What are you doing?” John shifted on his side and crawled a little to Karkat’s mattress, which really wasn’t that far away. They had had the decency to keep them at least three inches apart.

“I’m enhancing my IQ through electronic devices,” Karkat answered, still tapping, a look of strong determination enveloping his face. 

John had to grin at how endearing that was, then put his chin on his shoulder. “Is that Tetris?” 

“’Course it is,” his boyfriend answered and added a few more blocks before closing his phone and pushing it under a pillow. 

“Did you feed Casey?” She was not beeping for a change.

“Obviously,” Karkat scoffed, like the respectable parent he was. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” John muttered, although he was pretty invested in an ongoing hugging procedure. 

For a moment, he thought Karkat would push him away and eventually out of the window, since he wriggled his left arm from under John’s weight, but it turned out that he only wanted to pet his hair. Then they both found out that playing Tetris with anything but a dominant hand was nearly impossible.

John slid out of the hug only when boredom and hunger got to them both. He rolled until he reached the closest window and opened it, letting the summer, oceany air fill the room. Then he peeked out at the road in front of the house and pouted when he saw no cars parked there. His dad had probably gone out already (John still found it incredibly weird to think that his dad left him and Karkat alone on purpose) and, despite saying they would arrive today, neither of their friends seemed to be early. Bluh. Well, it still meant more alone time with Karkat, which was great on its own right.

“Isn’t it too early for suicide attempts?” Talk about the wolf.

John rolled back to the beds, assumed a lotus position above the crumpled ghosty sheets and smiled. “I would have reached the kitchen before you if I jumped.” 

“Hell’s kitchen, maybe,” the other did a very close interpretation of a frowny pout and it looked so funny in combination with his morning hair that John felt compelled to reach out his hands and pat his stupid, cute face; and run his fingers through his hair. He must have started doing this because soon his vision became full of wavy hair and his mind full of _Karkat, close_ and _kisses, skin, cheek, jaw, holy shit._

Well, all right, alright, he needed to brush his teeth first. Right. Now. And then come back to this. Was this the morning Tetris at work? Still. If one of them didn’t step back soon enough, the situation would become really awkward, really fast. John gulped down a sound and petted Karkat’s hair unsensually. There, there, no need for morning glory in his pants. It worked. Thank God.

Or maybe not really. Karkat didn’t look that happy about being interrupted. He didn’t look angry either, which was worse. “Ah, err...em, sorry,” he stammered, green eyes staring at his face, probably unable to change their trajectory at the moment.

John still had his hand in his hair so, not having any brighter idea, he gave it another two paps and blinked. “S’okay.” Then they had an unimpressive, intense staredown. John knew that he really, really needed to find a way to get back to this later that day. His brain was on overload. “Gotta brush my teeth,” he slapped the mattress and got up a little too fast.

“Ah, yeah, me too, I guess.” Still, the only thing Karkat did was turn his head around to see him reach the attic door. 

John paused, looked at him, thought a little, tapped the doorknob. “Meet me back here in five minutes,” he stammered, very quickly.

At least it made Karkat’s eyes widen comically. “Yes. Okay,” he was out the door almost as soon as John opened it. He ought to thank his dad for the second bathroom some time that month.

 

After that, it took them one more hour to finally get down to breakfast, which was probably why, when John’s dad found them eating cereals and toast at a quarter to eleven, he looked vaguely amused. John steamed his embarrassment into his bowl of milk. He really ought to talk with his dad about all this.

It was just so unlike how John thought this coming back home would go. Obviously, he had been more than happy to pick them up at the start of the month and, gosh, Karkat had been absolutely petrified for half of the car ride, until he saw that there really was nothing to be scared of. John had dropped the b-word only after a couple of days after they’ve settled in their made-up room (careful not to have Karkat around because the guy could be spared a few stress points) and his dad hadn’t even blinked and told them that _of course_ they could rent a boat and go have fun if they wanted to. John had waited for a few minutes in the living room to see if there was anything else to come, but his dad only smiled and told him that it was not polite to leave his guest alone for too long.

That was then. This was now. “Daaad?” John leant back in his chair to look outside the door. “Is Jade coming soon?”

There was a shuffling sound, possibly the newspaper. “I haven’t talked to her. Why don’t you give her a call, son?”

“Bluh,” he slumped back in his chair and when he looked up again, he saw Karkat still eating Cheerios unperturbed. John gave him the sweetest grin he could have his face form.

Karkat’s brows furrowed. “What?”

“Can you call Jade?” Blink and smile.

Cereals were crushed painlessly before being drowned with orange juice. “Why me? She’s coming to _your_ house, _you_ call her.”

Nope, his laziness didn’t allow that. His phone was upstairs. “But aren’t you excited?? You’ll see her for the first time!”

“That won’t change whether I call her or not.”

John narrowed his eyes at him. Then, careful to let him know how hard it was for him to say this, “ _Please_.” It all collapsed when Karkat smirked at him; he couldn’t look grumpy when that happened. “Come on,” he went on, grinning this time.

With a very well-acted repudiation, Karkat settled his spoon in his empty bowl and sighed. “Fine, where’s your phone?”

“Upstairs,” John smiled, not at all deterred by the incredulous green-eyed look directed at his face.

“If you think I—” but his boyfriend’s sentence was shortly cut off by a warm slice of buttered toast pushed against his lips. “Hmmph?!”

“For the road.”

 

Eventually, John had to go upstairs too, since upon opening the front door he’d realised that going outside was a death wish. No, the house, with its working AC and cold water was by far the smartest choice. Jade’s phone was still off, so that meant she was still in the airplane or somewhere nearby.

They ended up in John’s old room and, just like he’d done the first time, Karkat started picking up every little thing he had left on his shelves. Carefully pick it up, inspect it more assiduously than Sherlock Holmes, stare at it a little, put it back just like it was before. Over and over again, while probably thinking John paid no attention to him. But how could he not, when Karkat found a very old plastic troll behind a box of CDs and smiled at it, for sure making some Richard Mayhew reference in his head.

Karkat’s birthday would be coming soon too, John mused on top of his old bed. They would all be together for the occasion, hopefully. He wondered if Karkat would like his cake skills. After all, since his dad had made sure to prepare an ice-cream cake when they first arrived and it was truly delicious, it could go just as well if John was the one in charge, right?

Maybe he could swoop him up at 3 in the morning to have a chilly walk on the beach. John frowned; they’d already done that a few nights before, when their heads hurt too much from watching movies and they couldn’t sleep. That had been nice. Really nice. Too bad the wind had thrown sand in their mouths.

“John?” Karkat looked at him warily, putting back an old _Spiderman_ notebook.

John blinked to bring himself to reality. “Hm?”

The other seemed to be on the verge of saying something more (probably something about his bad case of absent-mindedness) but then he snapped his mouth shut and walked over to the bed. John was obliged to look up at him the closer he got and the more neither of them said anything, the harder his nerves strained with anticipation. For the past month, he’d been constantly brought on the verge of great enthusiasm. It was just like going to Disneyland for the first time, if Disneyland had been a kissing-booth and Mickey a really, really attractive dark-haired friend of his. 

Karkat put one knee on the bed and John felt the mattress lean a bit into the movement and he kept quiet as he waited, the smile staying on his lips even though his stomach was filled with Tracker Jackers. On a second thought, Karkat wouldn’t have been Mickey as much as the human version of the prince in _Beauty and the Beast_ ; John liked that one better in this situation. Were they even doing that character nowadays?

They were at eye-level now, John with his legs crossed and his back to the wall and his well-behaved guest sitting on his knees and fixing him with gorgeous lime-green eyes that always managed to look so wonderfully serious without making him look inexpressive or stern. John let his own gaze travel down his boyfriend’s body as he reached out and gave his hands a gentle tug. “Hi.”

And the subtlest smirk found its way across the other’s mouth and truly, that was the best thing in the world right then. “Hi.” 

They got a chance to lace their fingers before leaning in to meet each other halfway and it only lasted a second before John giggled at how ridiculously cheesy the whole movement had been. Thankfully, Karkat had grown accustomed to these interruptions. He’d had some of his own during the past month too, after all.

Still, overused manoeuvres or not, John was far from being satiated so, when he drew back and stopped his snickers, he gazed at Karkat over his glasses. “Try again?”

“That’s practically my middle name by now,” Karkat rolled his eyes with feigned irritation and freed one hand to take up-mentioned glassed off his face. He then leant in sooner than expected and made the Billywigs in John’s belly go nuts.

Strange as it might sound, in all his 20 years of life, John hadn’t thought that much about kissing other than that people looked funny while doing it and sometimes kind of inappropriate and that it was supposed to feel nice, so he might try it one day. Then he thought about it a little too much, which had also been weird and kind of frustrating. In the end, it turned out much simpler than he’d expected. Also a lot more entertaining, like _holy shit._

He also didn’t need any experience to know that Karkat was a really good kisser. Like, awfully good. Movie magic right there. Who said self-teaching didn’t create genii?

He smelled slightly of butter and toast and John let go of his hands to cup his face because he had really, really wanted to do that for some time now. The wonder didn’t last for too long because there was also his hair that kept falling over his cheeks and it was so nice to feel it between his fingers as Karkat pressed his hands over his stomach and then chest and _god, he really needed to breathe, why was this happening to him now._

“ _Whoa_ ,” was the most intelligible thing John could say after the first deep breath of air. Then he saw Karkat’s faintly darkened lips and he had to take two more, as deep as he could.

“Harley’s really late,” Karkat said eventually, looking at the door for emphasis and it was clearly a hopeless subject change because gosh, he was blushing so hard.

John nodded to himself and bent forwards to press a kiss on his warmed up cheek. “She must be stuck at the airport, there are a lot of tourists visiting at this time of year,” he said, lips against skin. So what if he’d been anxious over her arrival earlier that day too? This was smooching time; no worries, no girls, no friends.

“What about Kanaya?” Karkat kept his ground a little longer; he had to smile at that.

John nuzzled his cheek now. “Some time in the morning.” And Karkat finally turned his head.

“Terezi is coming with her too, right?”

That stubbornness earned him a very hard smooch, right on his mouth. “Yes, yes, nothing has changed since last week.” _Really now._

“How do you know? Maybe something came up,” Karkat went on, his hands on John’s shoulders and his fingers tapping them in growing anxiety.

“Talked to them earlier,” John pecked his nose, grinning at the look he got in return. “Nobody’s scared to meet you. You’re just projecting.”

It seemed not to be as reassuring as he’d hoped, if Karkat’s unimpressed-yet-uneasy was anything to go by. “Funny. Very funny. Go ahead, pot, call me black, I fucking dare you.”

“Geez,” John sighed with more gusto than necessary as he shifted to uncross his numb legs. “I’m worse than you at this pep-talking, don’t be so mean.” He wondered if more kisses would do the trick too. He had a slight hunch they might. They ought to try that, like, now. Give it a few tries too, just to be sure. Science.

Taking advantage of the newfound space, it was Karkat’s turn to cross his legs. “I feel so stupid.” His voice was so small that the corners of John’s mouth fell and he poked at Karkat’s socked feet, waiting. “I should have done this earlier. Fuck you all for being so considerate and not pressing me more. Stop fucking with my feet.”

“Hehe.” He let them go and looked up. “We hadn’t seen each other all that much either and it’s not THAT late. You could have wanted to meet us in your 70s when we wouldn’t have been able to see each other anyway. That is a tragic scenario, not this.” He tried to casually reach out to the back of Karkat’s head with his hands. His hair was slightly tangled.

“You flatter yourselves too much if you think I’d still remember you by then.” Gosh, he hadn’t met someone who was so much talk and barks in his life.

John tried to pull him a little closer and met no objections there. “Blah blah blah.” Coherent and smart. Lovely.

Making a smart choice, they kept on kissing until one of them toppled the other sideways on the bed and the sheets smelt like sea salt and the pillows were soft and there was too little space in the world for hands and feet and limbs and Star Wars plushies. Karkat threw a small, soft Chewbacca somewhere in the room and leant in again, not kissing as much as nuzzling by now. And John felt a little overwhelmed, a little breathless and more than a lot surprised at how much he was able to feel while still not bursting into small flecks of _happy_ and _sad_ and _glad_ and _worried_ and _love, love, love_ , so much love he didn’t know what to do with all of it. 

So he let his fingers trail over Karkat’s face and grinned when he saw him smiling and John wanted to see his bright green eyes crinkle in laughter and happiness and feelings, lots of feelings, so he kissed him again, the sudden lack of vision making everything grow quiet, so quiet. Then, when they opened their eyes again, there was still light outside and colours in the room and warmth and ocean smell, but everything else was so hushed that they barely dared to breathe.

And the doorbell rang.

John grinned, fingertips still mapping warm skin. “There they come.” 

 

When Jade arrived, the wind outside was doing wonders to her hair; she looked like a Studio Ghibli character. John, being the A+ cousin he was, laughed about it before letting her in. Her punch hadn’t been as friendly as her smile.

As soon as she was inside, she scanned the hallway and the room annexed to it. Then she turned back to John, who was waiting by the front door with her bag, smiling innocently. “Where’s Karkat?”

His smile fell. “I told you we had gremlins in here, Jade. None of you would listen.”

With a frown, Jade reached out her hands to fix her fluffy, long hair in a ponytail. “ _John?_ ” Her narrowed green eyes, even behind her giant glasses, meant double-agent-level suspicion.

“He accidentally fed them after midnight.”

“Do you even stop to listen to yourself?” Karkat snapped from the top of the stair and John snickered. “Like I’d ever share my food with a degenerate demon hybrid from the 7th layer of Hell.”

Jade, on the other hand, did a faster-than-sound twirl towards the stairway and goggled at the other, who stared right back at her. It was quite a funny staredown. “Karkat!”

“Uh, yeah?” he raised an uncertain eyebrow and got a hold of the railing. Which was a smart thing to do, seeing as Jade dashed towards him the next moment. “Shit, you’re throttling me. Harley, I’m serious, get your overpowered arms off me or I’m using kryptonite. Jade. Jade, fuck, let me breathe, it’s not funny.”

John put the luggage safely away under the coat hanger and stared at the scene with good humour. When Jade let go, her grin was larger than life. “It’s so good to see you! _Finally!!!_ ” As they descended to ground floor, Karkat might have mumbled something like _Yeah, you too_ , in the smallest possible voice. “You look _good_!” she turned towards him again once they got down.

“Er, thanks, I guess...” his eyes caught John’s for a second, but no help came from there.

Jade kept on scanning him with her super-sensors. “You have a very flattering face, you know that?”

“Uh...”

“Good cheekbones.”

“What...”

“And oh, my, your eyes are _gorgeous_!”

“Jade, what the fuck—”

Okay, that was enough fun for one night. John got closer. “Jade said she’d make you as many compliments as possible if you ever ‘got out of your cave’.” Air quotes.

“They’re not unfounded,” she chirped in.

“I know, right,” John grinned back at her.

The power of Karkat’s frown could have made people rebuild Troy in a week. Sadly, it was just them there to see it. “This is making me very uncomfortable.” There was certainly a swearing vein in his body that just popped from not being used right then.

“Alright. Sorry,” John smiled repentantly and turned to Jade. “You’re first, so I guess you can have my room.”

“Did anything happen to you to make you move?” she asked while retrieving her duffel bag.

“We got the penthouse suite!” he declared and Karkat scoffed and tried to snatch the bag from Jade. No such luck. “But my old room’s in perfect condition. We’ve even ironed the sheets!”  
“Really?” Jade asked, a little chestfallen, as they got to the top of the stairs.

“Of course not, he doesn’t even know where the iron is.”

“Do too. Here you go, Jade. Make yourself at home while we prepare you dinner.”

“Oh, that’s really nice of you, can I—” _help_ , probably. 

John had closed the door with a smile and rushed Karkat downstairs before she could pursue her sentence. They had spent enough summers together to know that the two of them in the kitchen meant instant disaster. Jade was always too excited to mix things and set them on fire, while John preferred to just throw everything in the oven and pray.

Karkat looked over his shoulder. “You think she’ll stay there long enough for us to make grilled cheese?”

“Pff, she’ll be asleep in fifteen minutes if we let her. Let’s make more and watch a movie.” Just because they had to be up and running the first thing next morning didn’t mean they were going to be smart about it. Besides, Karkat needed to see Jaws and that prospect would surely keep Jade up too.

If they didn’t burn down the house before that.

 

TT: How is the honeymoon going?   
CG: OH GOD HOW DID YOU FIND ME.   
CG: WEREN’T YOU ON HOLIDAY?   
TT: Yeah, but it would have been purely sadistic of our dear sister to cut us off from the rest of the world completely.   
CG: I WONDER.   
TT: I’m sure you do. You’re also avoiding the question.   
CG: AM NOT! I WAS JUST INDULGING YOU IN YOUR KNUCKEBITING RODOMONTADE WHILE WAITING FOR THE SKIES TO OPEN AND TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.   
CG: I’M DOING FINE, ASSUMING THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW, ALTHOUGH I DOUBT IT. IT’S HOT AS SHIT AND EVERYBODY SMELLS LIKE SUNLOTION AND WASTED POTENTIAL.   
TT: Sounds lovely. How’s John?   
CG: EH, GOOD, I HOPE?? TEREZI AND KANAYA SHOULD BE HERE SOON SO HE’S PROBABLY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY BRUSHING HIS HAIR. HIS LIFE-LONG EXPERIENCE HASN’T BEEN ENOUGH TO TEACH HIM THAT IT’S A LOST CAUSE.   
TT: Don’t be so hard on the poor boy, you like it anyway. I’m going to pass you over now.   
CG: WHAT.   
TT: Hello.   
CG: OH. HEY.

 

EB: dave dave dave dave dave dave dave   
EB: DAAAAAAAAVE!   
EB: strider.   
TG: whoa and somebody had the guts to call me needy   
TG: what the fuck are you doing at this god awful four in the afternoon   
EB: it’s 6 am   
EB: i’m fake showering! how’s rose’s trip going so far?   
TG: chill as a sloth in therapy   
TG: why are you keeping me from having a personality breakthrough and why are you not having snog-filled moments at this moment   
EB: that was a long sentence just to ask me how my love life is going.   
EB: we’re waiting for the rest of the party, hoping that kanaya got the right address.   
TG: that was a long sentence just to avoid answering me   
EB: bluh!   
EB: it’s going fine, alright?   
EB: marvellous, splendid! snogs all around! i haven’t been able to feel my lips in days!   
TG: hey there spare some enthusiasm for your friends too   
EB: you underestimate my enthusiasm vaults.   
EB: shit, they’re here

 

“Kaaaaaaaarkat!” John made a too-powerful turn in front of the stairs that lead to the attic and it caused him to twirl in place before climbing up. “They’re here, they’re here,” he grinned at the wide-eyed look that adorned Karkat’s face. Pff, what was he doing, making the beds? “Come on,” he extended a hand just as the doorbell chimed.

“It’s really too early in the morning for me to face this,” Karkat dragged a hand along his face just as the other accepted John’s.

“It’s going to be fine,” the other said with unguarded glee and they descended the stairs. “Promise.” 

On the first floor, John gave his boyfriend the most encouraging smile he could muster and, just to prove that he hadn’t lied to Dave, leant in for a swift peck on his lips. He certainly didn’t feel his stomach twist with joy when Karkat followed his mouth as he leant back from the kiss.

Just as he certainly didn’t get a bit of prankster gambit after the next words. “Get the front door, I’ll wake Jade.”

“What?!” Karkat looked like a child who didn’t want to say his poem at the end of the school year. “No, no, you get them, I’ll –”

“No time. Tick-tock.” And the bell chimed again downstairs.

 

 _You can do this, you can certainly do this, it’s not life and death, it’s just Kanaya and Terezi_ , was the chant Karkat chose to play in his mind and he approached, slowly, the front door. This was probably a bad time to feel self-conscious about wearing John’s clothes. Nobody would notice, right?

 _Tick tock, goes the clock, even for the Doctor_. He should have brushed his hair too. Would Terezi punch him for locking her out four years ago? Would he be able to tell them apart? He sure hoped so. He must remember something from the 16-year-old Terezi. Oh God, here it went.

Karkat turned the door-knob; and pulled. The sun was low, rising up from behind someone’s house on the other side of the street. By an error of the system, he found himself looking straight at the other two as soon as the door was fully open. Nobody said a thing for a second. Terezi was shorter than him this time and he recognised her immediately and her hair was a pumpkin mess and the goggles on her head were red and her scarf was red and her shoes were red too, a simple colour along with the puked rainbow of the rest. Kanaya blinked at him without an expression for the time being and her hair was short and light brown and her lips were jade coloured and she was a little taller than him and she was really, really pretty in a Rose sort of way, only less formal.

“Hey,” Karkat heard his mouth say and he blinked at it while he had the chance.

“Karkles!” Terezi plunged into him, hands around his neck that he had to strain to keep her up and her hug was almost as fierce as Jade’s, only more slippery and scratchy. Like a small cat or a demented iguana. “Look at you!”

“I can’t,” he tried to breathe. “You’re choking me.” Almost everyone did this nowadays.

Terezi sprung back, her grin distressingly large. “Sorry it’s a little early,” Kanaya spoke before her and Karkat’s eyes snapped to her.

“It’s fine, John’s upstairs waking Jade up,” he said, short of anything else.

“She won’t budge, can I try?” Terezi asked and he stared at her for a moment before realising he was keeping them in front of the house.

He stepped to the side. “Sure, just don’t break anything. Upstairs, second door to the left.” Karkat really, really hoped John’s dad was actually out by now and didn’t have to be woken up by this.

He closed the front door as Kanaya took off her sandals, her long skirt dangling dangerously close to the floor. Breathing was probably a good idea; he did that.

“Easier than you expected?” the other smiled at him when she was done and he let out another breath and nodded. “It’s beautiful over here,” she said and he caught her eye, looking through the open doorway at the kitchen’s windows, showing green, small yards and short apple trees. Storybook image in a white frame.

“It is. Um, I...” He didn’t really know what he wanted to say. It was morning. He wasn’t good at mornings. He wasn’t all that good at a lot of things, but somehow he’d done a lot of them over the past year. Grumbling came from upstairs. It was going to be a long night. “We should make coffee.”

“We should.”


End file.
